You may become angry reading what follows, as I did. I'm attaching my letter of response. I'm not giving the name of the friend who copied it to me (from something a friend sent that person), because I am quite certain no insult was intended.
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas, Colorado, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nevada and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10, I-40, I-70 and I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept...
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the tim e.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!
Sounds like an inferiority complex to me. I have lived in Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, and Oklahoma (as well as Mississippi and Louisiana). I love sushi and caviar, but I also like elk, deer, and fish. I don't hunt but I know how to.
I smoke grass sometimes. I don't knock back Bud or Coors and I don't smoke tobacco. Actually probably about half the people in the above states smoke grass, especially the ones under 40.
I don't drive a $60,000 car, never have, and have never sneered at somebody who owns a combine. We used mechanical cottonpickers on the cotton farm when I was a kid.
Yeah, they open doors for women. And some of em beat women black and blue and utter slurs about niggers (and used to lynch blacks) and greasers, and their cops try to choke paramedics they think insulted them. Why all the belligerence? Why the veiled threats, the threat to shoot cellphones out of peoples' ears, shoot their heads off? Is this really a sort of behavior I am supposed to admire?
What do I care if they wave at me if they threaten to beat me up when they meet me in person because I aint like them and don't share political opinions? What kind of courtesy is that? It's show courtesy, that's what it is, not the real thing. For that matter, if a cowboy tries to beat me up he might have an awakening coming (he said, in a K. Troutlyish fashion). I've seen a lot of self-styled cowboys, and even at 65 I can hold my own with most of em. I can swim over a mile and a half in an hour, for example. If there's anyone out there who thinks being in favor of peace and reason makes me weak, let him bring it on.
And do such people really think they have the corner on courtesy? I've been treated with deep courtesy by doormen in New York (City), who were bemused by my Southern accent (and complimented me on my cowboy hat). The key is to treat other people, even those who don't share my tastes and upbringing, with respect.
I don't play golf as it happens, think it's silly, but I love to watch Tiger Woods play. And I'm sure there aint no cowboys nowhere that play golf. Right.
I played football in junior high and high school, ran track and cross country in high school and college. Lettered in track and football and cross country in both high school and college. And sorry, no, but high school football is NOT more fun than the pros. The coaches were, with a few exceptions, stupid and cruel. It's a lie that it was about developing character. Unless by character you mean violence and blind obedience.
Ever smelled Amarillo? If that's what money smells like to you, you're welcome to your life. There's other ways to make money that don't stink.
Go ahead, good buddy, restrict your diet to meat and starch (and a few boiled veggies). Good luck with your heart and your weight as you get older. Have a Camel to help your digestion, why don't you?
The whole thing is bullshit stereotyping. Every intellectual isn't a snob, every cowboy isn't a tobacco-chewing liberal-killin' hero. There's assholes everywhere and in every walk of life, and good people everywhere in every walk of life.
I'm more like a cowboy than a northeastern city boy. I've fed cattle, picked cotton by hand, worked the dirt, built my own cabin with handtools. I also happen to be an intellectual, I read books, I protested the undeclared wars in Viet Nam and Iraq.
It's true I don't clump around in high heels all day and think it makes me manly. Though I do have a damn good pair of Luccheses. Actually, she paints a highly idealized portrait of "cowboys." There aint many like the ones she describes. In Oklahoma and now in Arizona I don't see many Marlboro men, but I do see a lot of blankfaced mean old geezers hobbling around in hats and boots and driving giant pickups (quite a few of which cost more than a good car) because everybody else does.
You know what I admire? People who think for themselves. People who have the guts to follow what they love without spluttering hostility at other people who don't love the same things. Real courtesy, not the kind that waves and then threatens to kill you.
I know--honest--that you don't mean to insult me, and I am not blaming you.
But (nameless) should be ashamed of herself for promoting idiotic stereotypes that foster anger and aggression and not understanding. I'm sure she thinks it's funny, but maybe she should grow up and realize that the "cowboys" she thinks she is celebrating are really an extremely tiny part of the population of the Earth, and that the bellicose assumption of superiority such people make is what is really laughable.
And you can tell her I said so.
This is exactly the kind of shit that convinces people everyone in Oklahoma is sociopathic. You and I know for a fact that is not true, so she is doing a disservice to the very people she thinks she is boosting. Sorry to be so vehement but I have heard this kind of crap all my life and I do not intend ever to tolerate it quietly again.