hyblaean- Julie

hyblaean- Julie
Location
Chicagoish, Illinois, USA
Birthday
September 30
Bio
40; army brat; bisexual... still living with my ex partner (uhm, it's complicated?); perpetually confused, which makes me look like i'm doing a ditzy act, but actually it's not put on; middle class in cash if not culture (freaking finally); INFP/INFJ; SSRI, lithium, nicotine lozenge and caffeine dependent. Driven to laziness, odd fits of needing to 'fix' things, subthreshold hypomanic moments of productiveness (rarely) and random weirdness (often). --------------------------- If you have regular suicidal thoughts, please try lithium. It's worth a shot and has worked wonders for me.

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FEBRUARY 12, 2011 9:25PM

2.12.11

Rate: 21 Flag

i tell you my heart is here, it is here *places hand on chest* and here *hand to head*
I know this
or i think i know this
so loose i sit in myself these days
just going and going
feels so good to be useful
to have people smile at me happily again instead of tight worried looks

but I see these paintings and i know my heart is lost
when i was an artist working all night in the studio, all night in the gas station
i was sick inside
i should be in medicine
i should be doing something real and not so self absorbed

and now the reverse

he held my hand palm up to read it
frowned
no, you will not be a good artist, you will not be very good at anything, your efforts are too scattered
or something to that effect

but my heart is here
and i am helping
and i am looking at beautiful things and loving them
this is the miracle of being a person
all this jumble is me

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Perfectly said, your helping that is what counts in the long run and you sound like you will be just fine, jumbled is what makes us ...us.
Lunchlady 2
February 12, 2011 09:34 PM
i would not put my trust in palm readers, the one who read mine years ago got everything wrong

(and my brother, bless his heart, told me, well what if your hand were dirty, we have to account for that)
jesting aside,
your heart, yes it is there and there
and this piece is proof enough, that artist you are
vanessa seijo
February 12, 2011 09:41 PM
Follow what your heart tells you, not a palm reader. He doesn't see the beautiful artist that's you.
♥
FusunA
February 12, 2011 09:53 PM
The beauty of medicine is that you meet all sorts of people with all sorts of needs. Includings the artistic and creative who find themselves stuck in a hospital, ill, and unable to cope. But you, artistic nurse, will understand this, and reconnect them to their hopes and dreams. Because you aren't thinking of IVs and vitals as their only signs of life.
Oryoki Bowl
February 12, 2011 10:07 PM
Laugh :D what a smart brother! and thank you :)

Fusun, my heart has always been contrary. I'm not so sure it's the best judge ;)
hyblaean- Julie
February 12, 2011 10:09 PM
Oryoki, that is a good point. There are so many aspects to being truly alive.
hyblaean- Julie
February 12, 2011 10:11 PM
Each one of us have many part that fit together to make up the whole. It sounds like you are on a journey to find and integrate all the different parts into yourself. Still anything you put your heart into is full of love and that has to be good.
Victoria Wolf
February 12, 2011 11:35 PM
I liked Oryoki's comment too. Wisdom there.

This poem comforted me because recently I have been picking up all the pieces of me I had forgotten over the years. Quite a jumble actually, all these odd bits, but I am beginning to love them in quite the same way that you love the jumble that is you. I learn how to do that when I hear, read and see others learn to love themselves also.

very healing poem. very cool.
Charlie Thornton
February 13, 2011 12:54 AM
We all are a junbo...a wonderful jumbo of creation that at our best is here for one another.
Very well written!
J D Smith
February 13, 2011 01:19 AM
We sing ourselves and create ourselves
from messy whirlwind of puzzle pieces
in lost memories of forgotten dreams
to mold a mask so we can see real us.
Surazeus
February 13, 2011 05:47 AM
Love this last line Jules, "all this jumble is me"
That is beautiful!
ladyfarmerjed
February 13, 2011 07:38 AM
I'm with Charlie. This one is more about "healing," I think.
scupper
February 13, 2011 08:02 AM
Just carry on Julie.. Your heart will take you where you need to go.
rated with hugs
Linda Seccaspina
February 13, 2011 10:18 AM
Scattered efforts are what make things interesting---and I am hoping--healing. Beautiful poem.
Chicago Guy
February 13, 2011 01:32 PM
The jumble is never accepted by others, never really understood. But the jumble is what the true artist, writer, creative genius, is made of. Beautifully written. *Cheers to being you* :-)
Tea Scrolls
February 13, 2011 01:40 PM
i think this is a pretty artistic poem, you jumble-y writer, you. putting the pieces together can be hard, but sometimes the pieces are good enough on their own. xoxo julie.
femme forte aka candace
February 13, 2011 02:29 PM
wow. this is really beautiful.
and sweetly happy. I enjoyed reading your joy in yourself and whatever space "me" occupies.
Foolish Monkey
February 13, 2011 04:00 PM
Julie, I have written across my bathroom mirror in blue cream eyeshadow ,'' All is well". I see it every morning to remind myself that this can be so. Your art is your art and nobody and I mean nobody determines your worth. This is your domain, so I ask that you show yourself the same mercy you show others.
I would have this palm reader drop his pants for a reading, but this whanker has all his information in hand.
I wish you many days where life gives you every chance to laugh till you pee.
Gabrielle Gilbert
February 14, 2011 01:48 AM
I would love to read your palm or rather your drawıng. Nıce poıgnancy here. Keep on keepıng on Julıe...PS frıend Algıs Thomas K at facebook. The other one I cannot get ınto.
Algis Kemezys
February 18, 2011 08:53 AM
Yes, your heart tells you what is true. Trust it. R
Sheba Marx
February 22, 2011 03:03 PM
why can't i leave comments?
hyblaean- Julie
February 22, 2011 05:30 PM