hyblaean- Julie

hyblaean- Julie
Location
Chicagoish, Illinois, USA
Birthday
September 30
Bio
40; army brat; bisexual... still living with my ex partner (uhm, it's complicated?); perpetually confused, which makes me look like i'm doing a ditzy act, but actually it's not put on; middle class in cash if not culture (freaking finally); INFP/INFJ; SSRI, lithium, nicotine lozenge and caffeine dependent. Driven to laziness, odd fits of needing to 'fix' things, subthreshold hypomanic moments of productiveness (rarely) and random weirdness (often). --------------------------- If you have regular suicidal thoughts, please try lithium. It's worth a shot and has worked wonders for me.

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NOVEMBER 22, 2011 5:36PM

i plod

Rate: 43 Flag

do not want to go
obligation family love
do not want to stay
do not want much of anything these days
except crap:
bright colored cloth
shiny things
perfume.
stealing these things from myself
from security and what could be
i give away everything for a handful of beans
and wonder where this vegetative state might  take me
over, under the rainbow
closer my god to thee
stolid, i've always been so fucking stolid
even batshit crazy
one foot in front of the other
i plod

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One foot in front of the other. That's the way I do it too, Julie. ~r
Joan H.
November 22, 2011 05:51 PM
As much as I'm sorry that you're in such a dark space, I do appreciate the apt references and imagery.
Stim
November 22, 2011 05:54 PM
I say go ahead and have a few shiny things, and throw in some perfume while you're at it. And maybe, just maybe, the family obligations won't be too tedious. I hope the love shines through all the other stuff.
Procopius
November 22, 2011 06:19 PM
If I could, I would send you a bright colored bag containing a shiny flask filled with the fermented essence of potatos, thus replacing stolid with Stoli . . . ya' know, to keep the family obligations more bearable.

That being said . . . I can relate to the entire feeling of i plod . . . and am wishing for you a T-Day miracle.
Owl_Says_Who
November 22, 2011 06:28 PM
I get the stolid. Sometimes I too want to just pitch a hissy fit but it would be so out of my role it would just confuse everyone. I like your poems.
Linnnn
November 22, 2011 06:31 PM
I like how this flows. Remembersing to just breathe sometimes just gives me peace. No more ,no les just breathe.r
hugs, me
November 22, 2011 06:38 PM
I really like your word choices Jules, plod, stolid and then a burst..
batshitcrazy or crap just to punch us in the gut, we know it sounds sardonic but it still hurts.
For someone who claims to prod, you hit pretty hard.
rita shibr
November 22, 2011 07:21 PM
sounds like holiday dinners with the rellies coming up... we used to play board games to keep from assaulting each other, we vented over Pictionary ; )
Kate O'hehir
November 22, 2011 07:34 PM
Always too many expectations this time of year. You almost hafta plod to keep from screwing up and skewing the pageant. Every now and then I feel the urge to do a little sidestep, a little skip to my loo, but at this time of year the risk of falling on ones ass is bigger than when the others are depending on you to plod along with them. Think of us thinking of you to get thru it a little easier, maybe.
Chicken Mãâàn
November 22, 2011 07:38 PM
The only way out is through. I know the holidays will be hard.
Bellwether Vance
November 22, 2011 07:39 PM
Yikes, one too many "than"s in there. I need to plod a tad more carefully, it seems.
Chicken Mãâàn
November 22, 2011 07:43 PM
woo, wrote prod not plod, perhaps Freudian sorry Jules.
rita shibr
November 22, 2011 07:56 PM
Crap's good.
Cook yourself a big Chicken Mayan, Julie, stuffed with umlauts & take care not to trip over all them pesky thans, skipping to to the loo.
Chicken Ma-who you make me laugh. Julie you make me want to cry, sometimes. Plod on, soldier girl.
Kim Gamble
November 22, 2011 07:57 PM
Keep pushing forward
Well done
~R~
M. C. S.
November 22, 2011 08:49 PM
Such heaviness, Julie. Can’t help thinking of the gentle one inside of you, the one who isn’t stolid at all, the one who feels everything, the one who draws us here. Thinking of you, Julie. Thinking of you.
anna1liese
November 22, 2011 08:56 PM
Loved this Julie,

"over, under the rainbow
closer my god to thee
stolid, i've always been so fucking stolid
even batshit crazy
one foot in front of the other
i plod

Sometimes it's all we can do to put one foot in front of the other. One small step ... And then for writer's -- one hand in front :)
Best Julie.
Scarlett Sumac
November 22, 2011 09:28 PM
Wow that's good poetry, but let's cheer our Hy up. You don't deserve to be in such moosh. I would, but I start to cry at the binky Christmas sounds and colored lights. It's a crazy year.
zumalicious
November 22, 2011 09:29 PM
Wonderful, strong and stark.
Rated.
Scylla the Rock
November 22, 2011 09:47 PM
I find myself compartmentalizing things, looking for tins and baskets and boxes, sorting, tucking away, hiding, stacking. What's with that? I sort.

Maybe it is a coping thang.
dianaani
November 22, 2011 10:47 PM
I completely relate to this, Julie. Let's plod together.
mypsyche
November 22, 2011 11:19 PM
Sounds like it's time for a trip to Phoenix, all sunshine, no family (that you have to see), and an OS meet up coming soon. iDrink and iKvetch will be there, you are welcome.
Oryoki Bowl
November 22, 2011 11:23 PM
I've told a friend before, "ya know, sometimes I am surprised that we all get out of bed in the morning."
Yep, one foot in front of the other...Thanks, Julie.
Janice Wood
November 22, 2011 11:34 PM
Perfectly normal to feel this way around the holidays and you express it so well. i plod. That heavy forward motion.

"i give away everything for a handful of beans"

Magic beans? Oh, if only!
Margaret Feike
November 22, 2011 11:43 PM
There are no cheery words I can offer right now, friend. But I wonder if you would mind if I plod alongside of you? I kind of need the company. Perhaps you do too?
Little Kate
November 23, 2011 12:41 AM
I wish you a life filled with shiny, colored, sweet-scented things. Sometimes that's worth more than security. None of us are ever completely secure, but we can get lost in pretty things for a while. From the juxtaposition of the words about family obligation and the love of shiny crap, it seems that these are not mutually exclusive. Maybe the one compensates for the tedium of the other. Interesting poem on a lot of levels.
Sirenita Lake
November 23, 2011 03:44 AM
Sometimes a little crap can lighten the heart just enough to get one foot placed in front of the other.
AtHomePilgrim
November 23, 2011 07:48 AM
you nail my feelings on this, too. r.
Jonathan Wolfman
November 23, 2011 07:53 AM
"I plod"
A popular thought and no doubt the next product put out by Apple.
Jan Sand
November 23, 2011 08:32 AM
There's no app for that. Happy Thanksgiving Julie.
OEsheepdog
November 23, 2011 09:20 AM
Julie-- "One foot". . .that sure rings true.

I hope you come join the spirits I got to meet at the bar. There is a chair with your name on it. . .
Chicago Guy
November 23, 2011 09:39 AM
Plod along. But if a bit of music plays, dance a bit.

Then resume plodding.
Myriad
November 23, 2011 09:43 AM
...and you're beautiful.
Brazen Princess
November 23, 2011 10:30 AM
You think YOU can plod? Gal,
you aint seen plodding til u seen me de-
pressed.
Plod? No, I trudge.
Through the Land of Nod.
Literally! I just nod at people a lot , my tongue infected
by the miasma of ennui
fogging up my lungs:
so hard to even take a breath.
Better to sleep & leave the breathing to my brainstem.
James M. Emmerling
November 23, 2011 10:43 AM
And here I thought I was going to be reading about how you're an Ipod-a-phobic :D.

Caught between Thanksgiving and coming Christmas..

We love you here Hy Julie, don't forget :).

Rated for the Lament Season.
Seer
November 23, 2011 12:20 PM
Well said...the dread and the love and the obligation...and the dread.
sophieh
November 23, 2011 12:47 PM
Wishing you some moments of light and enjoyment to break up the gray. If you'd like an escape to the Art Institute for a while, let me know.
bikepsychobabble
November 24, 2011 10:12 AM
Thanks guys. :) ((((OS))))
I've been down seeing my sister and nephew in Athens, GA. Good god kids grow quick. It's weird to see them in spurts, like one of those flip books as a kid flip.flip.flip- a baby becomes a boy.
hyblaean- Julie
November 29, 2011 01:28 AM
Julie: youre /so\ damn

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo00000000000000d
J.P. Hart
December 02, 2011 07:22 AM