hyblaean- Julie

hyblaean- Julie
Location
Chicagoish, Illinois, USA
Birthday
September 30
Bio
40; army brat; bisexual... still living with my ex partner (uhm, it's complicated?); perpetually confused, which makes me look like i'm doing a ditzy act, but actually it's not put on; middle class in cash if not culture (freaking finally); INFP/INFJ; SSRI, lithium, nicotine lozenge and caffeine dependent. Driven to laziness, odd fits of needing to 'fix' things, subthreshold hypomanic moments of productiveness (rarely) and random weirdness (often). --------------------------- If you have regular suicidal thoughts, please try lithium. It's worth a shot and has worked wonders for me.

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Salon.com
JULY 6, 2012 3:27AM

Heather- she who soars

Rate: 11 Flag

wrote this for my sister back on Oct 16th two years ago. She's not blood related to me, but we have been friends since college, and I've known her for longer than I've not.

I had to sit here and think what this poem was about originally... I think it was about how my dad and my sister both influence my thought patterns. My dad's and my original response to anything new is skeptiscim born of fear of change. My sister loves change, loves challenge and thrives on competing and showing off. She is bold and larger than life. She always has been. Not just is she like that, but she can teach others to be like that. Her first husband, second husband, me...she can teach even vaguely autistic people to thrive where they should just feel completely alien. 

So, anyway, not rivalry in the typical sense of competing for worth, but rival in the sense of someone who you can measure yourself against.

 

10.16.10

i don't want to ground you to reality, to anything
you and your yellow balloon flying high and free
out of his mouth, i am too critical, to negative, undermining
out of her mouth, she never says a word, just smiles sunshine at the world

I wonder if I can be like that?
be as honest and hopeful and trusting as my sister
always trying harder, flying freer, thinking big ideas
I watch her high above me soaring like a kite and resist the urge to wave

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sibling rivalry open call

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Thanks for posting. That's a terrific image of the balloon. By the way, I love looking at old poems, wondering what my state of mind was when I wrote them, where the poem came from.
john guzlowski
July 06, 2012 06:43 AM
very, very cool...rated.
jmac1949
July 06, 2012 11:05 AM
she is a frequent flier, needs some ground time.
where u are the mistress.
airy thoughts are nice
they even getcha money
and appreciation. but the ground
is where everything comes from.
James M. Emmerling
July 06, 2012 12:21 PM
Really lovely poem, it shows the beauty within you.
l'Heure Bleue
July 06, 2012 12:45 PM
Great post. Rated but of course.
Tinkerertink69
July 06, 2012 01:20 PM
Thanks John! :) isn't it weird to look back? Some of them take me right there, others, I'm left staring confused at the page thinking wtf??

Thankies Jmac!!

James, I have never been the mistress of my sister :) not even metaphorically. Does everything come from the ground? I'll have to think on that.

Thanks Bleue :)
hyblaean- Julie
July 06, 2012 01:55 PM
Thanks Tink :) Hope you are doing good.
hyblaean- Julie
July 06, 2012 01:56 PM
Resist the urge to wave is a depth charge of surprise. I see it as resisting the urge to give up striving or simply to say goodbye. It's so natural, so uncontrived.
Matt Paust
July 06, 2012 02:05 PM
Thanks Matt :) I'm not sure exactly what it was in this case
hyblaean- Julie
July 06, 2012 02:19 PM
I can't help wondering ... if she looks up ...
and sees ... you ...
wishing she ... could be ... more ... like you ...
lovely ... sensitive ... seeing ... caring ...
somehow I think ... she may ...
anna1liese
July 06, 2012 03:27 PM
What Anna said - so often the admired one admires silently in return :).

Rated for your blossoming voice.
Seer
July 06, 2012 04:41 PM
Oh yes, Julie. It makes me happy that you can say you admired her, but that the different spheres you operated in didn't ruin your relationship.

I wonder if that is what you meant by not waving? It sounds like you admire her as well as being just fine with your feet on the ground.
Emily Conyngham
July 06, 2012 06:00 PM
Jules, gosh! Your ending grabbed me and had me thinking long and hard. That you "resist the urge to wave" seems to me that you respected her flight and did not want to be seen as saying goodbye but rather that you wanted to be witness to her path ... admiration ... pride ... wonderment.

I love your poetry, Jules. You have my deepest admiration and respect.
Little Kate
July 06, 2012 11:11 PM
Hi, I just found this. It's lovely. She's a special person, as are you.
just phyllis
August 06, 2012 07:27 PM
What Little Kate says.
........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Smiles (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★R
Algis Kemezys
August 15, 2012 09:48 AM