hyblaean- Julie

hyblaean- Julie
Chicagoish, Illinois, USA
September 30
42; army brat; bisexual... open relationship with my female partner of 11 years; perpetually confused, which makes me look like i'm doing a ditzy act, but actually it's not put on; middle class in cash if not culture (freaking finally); INFP/INFJ; SSRI, lithium, nicotine lozenge and caffeine dependent. Driven to laziness, odd fits of needing to 'fix' things, subthreshold hypomanic moments of productiveness (rarely) and random weirdness (often). --------------------------- If you have regular suicidal thoughts, please try lithium. It's worth a shot and has worked wonders for me.


Hyblaean- Julie's Links

SEPTEMBER 6, 2010 9:00PM

I miss Dakini


SEPTEMBER 6, 2010 5:39PM

i am a sculptor who has done nothing

with their life.

I cry each and every time I visit the art museum it reminds me of failure.

His work is like my own- he sculpts like a woman

i hurt, oh goddess i hurt today as if someone has cut out the very essence of me and burned it… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 6, 2010 3:25PM

morning afternoon pages 9.6.10

I'm a sz 4 in old navy jeans again- booya! like i wrote heather, i'z a loser, but i'z a skinny loser :/

I don't think he's going to give me the job. Called him today and he said he wasn't supposed to even be in and he'd call me tomorrow.… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 5, 2010 1:48PM

09.05.10 morning pages

whine, oooowwwwww, whine

i have cramps, nasty hurty wet sliding knife type cramps. we have to go to my folks this afternoon and i desperately need a shower and am just not up for it. coffee, aleve, heating pads, this will work, it will. got my glasses on now, that is… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 4, 2010 8:31PM

Thank you Salon

thank you for hosting this community. I don't appreciate it enough.

SEPTEMBER 4, 2010 5:06PM

15 for Mark Trost

Afro Celt Sound Machine- Vol 1, 2, 3, and Pod
Ani DiFranco- anything, but Like I said and Not a Pretty Girl were the ones I started with
Counting Crows- August and Everything After
Eric Clapton- Rush
Gomez- 5 men in a hut
Indigo Girls- Indigo Girls and Rites of Passage
Melissa Etheridge- Melissa Etheridge
M… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 4, 2010 5:31AM

morning pages 9.4.10

so tired, I could go upstairs to bed, but for some reason I'm not- curiousity? the game? trying to pretend I have the job and already am on the night shift?

I think I just talked myself into going to bed- goodnight

nope, I can do this 11-7 would be… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 3, 2010 8:05PM

morning/evening pages 9.3.10

anticipatory grieving
we are talking on the phone and she says a special was on about breast cancer and it was really good- but they were all young- I say you are young- she says this has aged me in a tired cold voice. she is not ok today +2 pitting edema… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 3:05PM

morning pages 9.2.10


no idea why i have that ear worm, but it's there

I am grateful to have OS, all the people here both challenging and supporting. It's a good place.

I have nothing to say today. My verbal diarrhea of  yesterday seems to have abated. I'm tired. Karen got m… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 4:43AM


lit up like a warm June day
basking in a glow that comes from the sun I hold in my hands
I feel warmth for the first time
I feel love for the first time
peace is not the goal for once
no cool depths for me to hide in
but fire, burning, cauterizing fire to cast… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 4:28AM

so weird

I think I have lithium induced hypomania. I'm looking online and all I can find is this: http://bjp.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/abstract/153/6/828

I feel- good. really good. hyper, productive- thinking more clearly than usual, much, much quicker. I was able to read a long article even though i had to tak… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 1:03AM

i wish that were true:(

ok, back to the article- good lord I do not have any sort of focus or discipline

SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 12:19AM

how odd

so many different sides to everyone- why does that always surprise me with delight in my enemies and horrify me in my friends?



I was trying to practice my German comprehension (it sucks) by listening to German radio and ran across the fact that the war was over. S… Read full post »

on the fucking GERMAN raido- hello? Salon? hello? OS? wtf guys? I shouldn't learn about the end of the war that has pretty much lasted for 1/3 my life from another country

SEPTEMBER 1, 2010 7:48PM

be well my friend

light and blessings from me to you *blows in the air*

I am sorry you are in pain, it will pass, hold on.

SEPTEMBER 1, 2010 1:38PM

morning pages 9.1.10

Grouch, grouch, grouch- god why do I call you back? Why? You seriously piss me off dude- you are in direct competition with me and you ask where I’m interviewing and then fish when I won’t tell you exactly where, and then get off the phone with me quickly when you… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 1, 2010 12:23AM

sore, bruised after reading that

and it was such a lovely calm post, why the angst?

Karen wants me to go to bed. I never want to go to bed again, I just want to sit here until I am gainfully employed. I was really tired after the Lithium, but seem to have gotten my second… Read full post »

AUGUST 31, 2010 7:53PM

I won the stepdad lotto

not that I needed any more confirmation, but damn


wtf is wrong with OS today- slow and cranky Read full post »

AUGUST 31, 2010 7:52PM

I won the stepdad lotto

not that I needed any more confirmation, but damn

AUGUST 31, 2010 6:31PM

afteroon pages 8.31.10

my blood sugar is currently 217 :( I had tempura for dinner (breakfast/lunch) 

I can't get ahold of my parents, and my mom was supposed to find out yea or nay today :(

I am worried. Read full post »

AUGUST 31, 2010 1:26PM

morning pages 8.31.10

so I'm primped and primed

and nauseous

jesus am i nauseous I keep waiting to have diarrhea

interview in an hour and a half

I am ready, sort of

trembling and being ridiculous but ready all the same

what do I want from this: self respect, a job, money, a… Read full post »

AUGUST 30, 2010 4:51PM


look my first dose about 5 or 10 min ago and feel like a hot mess. I don't remember what it was like when I first started taking Paxil. From England, self diagnosed no less. So obviously there must have been shame if I wouldn't even go to a doctor to… Read full post »

AUGUST 30, 2010 3:06PM


they are butchering those books!!!! Damn, Lafayette died in the 2nd book, and although flamboyant was never more than moving scenery anyway, what is he doing hanging around 3rd season.

That show must drive the author nuts.


http://www.vampires.com/true-blood-sunday-presents-charlaine-harris-b… Read full post »

AUGUST 30, 2010 2:50PM


frustration, why am I unwilling to hear them
they are both good writers, but my heart is blocked
I only see the pride and pretention even when what they are offering is meant sincerely

It bothers me that I am this judgemental
That lack of being able to put my own past aside and… Read full post »