I haven't been able to write anything lately. Partly because of my full plate, but it's also because I have a difficult time writing unless I feel passionate about something. Needless to say, there is passion behind this post. Thank you for reading.

You are a good person to travel to them, and to give them space to live their own lives without guilt trips.

i miss my grown sons too :) have a great time in chicago. thanks for sharing

Dear Friend, I am so much like you...it is scary. I cannot stand to leave my children and since I lost my daughter, it is worse for me. I do have 4 daughters in-law and they are gems. But like you said, they have their own mothers. As for the leaving part...it has gotten worse for me, because of the grandchildren. My husband and I are both teary when we separate. The cord is never cut...it exists outside of the body and is there forever. It doesn't matter if the relationship is positive or negative...or whether they admit it or not...our umbilical cords reach around the world. (Just don't call too often). :)r

We live in an ever changing and mobile world. In earlier times you would still live next door to your son. I don't think we are programmed to let go forever.

You are a good Mom and a fine person, well said. R

You've captured so eloquently the love we moms feel for our precious children and grandchildren. Thank you.

Good for you for going to them. Hard as it is, empty nest has both rewards and great sadness at times. I am an empty nester, too, but am so fortunate to live close to my daughters, farthest being about 3.5 hours away. Others are under 30 minutes. Can't imagine being too fr to see them at least a few times a month. And hubby and I drive the 3.5 hours almost weekly to see those delicious grand babies! That is the majority of our weekends and really keeps us energized and active. It's way too hard to cut the ties and cannot imagine it in those terms. It's a blessing that they are all living on their own, employed and very happy and healthy. That is a mother's dream come true. Loved your post!

I hear you. I am so lucky my daughter lives down the street and she and the four grandkids stay at our house often because her husband travels. We are talking about selling our two houses and buying one huge house for all of us. My son & family, however, moved from being only an hour drive to six hours away. He's going to grad school for three years. I'm hoping they'll move back this way when he's done but if he doesn't I'll put on sunglasses when I wave goodbye.

So lovely and gently put. Last night, I was looking at my son sleeping, and was just struck with the person-ness of him, and started imagining him grown and married, and not right here, in my life, right next to me, I too worried about being able to let go of him. You expressed the very thing I was feeling, but could not put a label on. Thanks.

Lovely, Patricia. I figure the main thing is to keep our hearts open and cherish each moment.

You are a WONDERFUL mother! My mother is quite the same and being the only male in my family, I was always taught to look after my mother after my father passed. I am very close to my mother and my family in general. Wisdom never dies and I would "expect" my mother to give me her advice here and there even as an adult man; as that is how a mother (and father) should be. I feel that a mother never truly cuts the "umbilical cord" as you say and are only there for your children because you have their best interest and love in mind! It is wonderful that you have a daughter-in-law that is so understanding to this, as we live in a selfish world and many spouses would frown upon this (speaking from experience). However, I would be the same as you are to my own children. Call it old fashioned or whatever you want, but a mother like you (as is with my mother) is a blessing in my eyes! Your son is lucky to have a mother who cares and loves as much as you! :)

I truly appreciate everyone's generosity and kindness in their remarks. Thank you for reading me.

How great is it that you still want to be with your kids, how great is it that they love being with you (which is pretty obvious)...What amazes me about our children is what great parents they have become -- who knew??

Parents and children are the only ones who have known us since we/they were born -- it's a tight cord with lots of knots in it. Even spouses can't say that about one another. One of the real blessings of the I-age is Skype, IM-ing, email, Snapfish, Facebook and other ways of staying close to those we love even when they are 1/2 way around the world -- as mine is. I 'know' her new friends, what she did this weekend - complete with photos - we IM in the corner of the screen during the day as we work and can 'see' one another on the computer... NZ is a long way from home, but it doesn't feel that way all the time. I think I used to cry more as she drove out of the drive and back down the road to college after a few weeks at home, but maybe more of 'my baby is growing up without me' tears than anything. Mommy growing up was more like it! Hope your trip is a good one. Lots of hugs and moments over a cuppa can last a long time when it has to. xox and safe travels!

this is beautifully written; I always think your kids are so lucky to have such a committed Mom;
do you have any idea why you hate the separation? did you have difficult separations in your early life?

Kids! I stopped calling them "kids" for awhile. I started calling them "adults." It didn't feel right, but you know, that is what they are. They relate to me in a different way now. The role as Mommy The Caretaker And Caregiver has gone to Mommy The Human Being Who Is Not So Much Playing The Role Any Longer.

They have both been home since the 18th. Just last night I heard myself saying with unusual cheer, "Who has laundry for me to do?" The "cheer" comes partly from the fact that I had not seen either in months, and from the fact that they will each soon leave for their separate coasts and I will go back to the quiet life of Mother Of Adults.

P.S. No, I do not use the soap product with the brand name "Cheer" in my laundry room. "Tide" is more of a match, but I don't use that one either.

Why don't they make laundry soap named "Clarity?"

Oh I just loved this and I related to every word you say. I just left SF and said goodbye to three of my four children. It's the most melancholy feeling but they don't know it. I'm quite sure they are ready to say goodbye to their mother and get on with their own adult lives. I board the plane and put on music and close my eyes and immerse myself in the letting go. I suspect this will never go away, not when you love as fiercely as that. Beautiful sentiments and writing here. Thank you.

Thank you, Mary! I think we are much alike in many ways.....

You know, Patricia, in the olden days families actually did live together with grandparents, grandchildren and grown, married siblings with their families. They pooled in their energy, earnings and skills; and seemed to fare well without a need for the little ones to be farmed out to daycare. Everyone benefited from the love and closeness as well as completing what the other missed in carrying out. Life circumstances set families apart reducing them to nuclear families instead of extended ones, and we try to adjust as well as we can. I understand your feelings everytime you say 'goodbye' to one of your children and grandchildren, but please take joy in that they love you as you love them, and you have many places to visit where your arrival is awaited with open arms.

R♥

FusunA, thank you for your thoughtful response. As you can see, I don't spend as much time on OpenSalon as I used to. :(