"Jack, why does your nose smell like Sally's ass?"
"Sally! You're such a whore." (She's rolling on her back with her legs splayed wide open making obscene whining noises while Jack licks her stomach.)
"Please don't eat the yard nuggets Bruno." (Bruno's culinary tastes are borderline at best.)
"Sally stop humping your brother." (She frequently mounts him sideways. Since she's the only one of them who has actually had sex and produced offspring she should know how this works.)
"Jack! Dude! Watch out for my nuts. That's not cool!" (Jack sometimes has trouble controlling his enthusiasm for a rousing game of Get The Fuck Out of Bed and Throw My Ball Bitch Dad.)
"Jack, please do not lick Momma's tits. Momma is not for licking, Sally is for licking." (I am not the woman of the urban legend with a lab and a jar of peanut butter - I swear!)
"Sally, please do not kick your father in the face." (Sally's spot of choice on the bed is perched up on the pillows above our heads.)
"Bruno, please let Sally pee in peace." (Bruno has a golden showers fetish, just one of many of his peccadilloes.)
The conversations had with my children, were they human, could easily put me on the Department of Children and Family Services watch list.
Our family consists of two Black Labretard Retrievers named Jack and Sally, and a Golden Retriever - German Shepard hybrid named Bruno. There is not a lick of sense amongst the 3 of them and hard as I try, etiquette lessons seem to fall upon deaf ears.
It's probably a very good thing we decided not to have human children.
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Kathy Riordan
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Juliet Waters
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Comments
Rated & Cheers!
my 2 just got in a fight this morning- lord I hate it when Micah is on prednisone, he turns into an absolute ass
Julie- Bruno lives on 1/2 a pill of pred every other day, has for about 2 years now because his allergies are so bad, but oddly no roid rage. I suspect that is mostly because he's too preoccupied with all his neuroses. He compulsively licks two spots on his body raw no matter what I do.
Good grief, one of your dogs weighs more than I do!
Rated.
I say something very similar to the cats ... "Stop licking his balls! He's your brother!" And, "Please let him pee in peace ... stop licking his balls when he's peeing!"
I guess our furbabies both have some sort of germanic golden shower fetish.