I've always been a bit of a voyeur. I'm a people watcher by nature. My husband always gives me the seat at the table with the best view of the crowd in the restaurant, and doesn't complain when I lose track of the conversation because I've noticed some spectacular feat of human behaviour on the other side of the room. My grandfather taught me, at an early age, the fine art of eavesdropping on the conversation at the next table. Other people's lives are so interesting to me. I'd be the target market for reality television if it weren't so scripted. Three minutes into any given episode of The Hills, and I could have told you Speidi were being coached on how to make our skin crawl.
However, who needs TV when you've got Facebook! It's like the Romper Room Magic Mirror on steroids! Every day is my special day with Facebook!
For example today I rummaged through Sandi's vacation photos. Looks like everyone in the family I've never met, had a great time. Although someone should tell Aunt Daisy that she's reached that age where a bikini just isn't practical what with gravity and all. I also got to see Alex's new niece. I had no idea his sister married a Keebler Elf, I mean how else do you explain those bulging eyes and giant ears on an infant?
I also got to go to the DMV with Jill who is getting a new license because she dyed her hair, and it sounds like she was in line behind Nick Nolte or a drunken serial killer, the mobile uploaded photo wasn't clear. I should text her and ask her to get me an autograph. I also know that Mike is in Paris and having Lebanese food for dinner. I wonder if Parisian hummus is better than the stuff I buy at the market. Neela is in London, but doesn't have enough time to stop and see all her friends before she jets off to Sweden. Her brother and sister-in-law are both fashion designers in Dubai and are always in the tabloids there, I know this 'cause I regularly read through all the press on their Fan Page. The clothes are really pretty and if I were a size 2, I'd be head-to-toe in her couture. Oh, the glamorous life.
Kellie, it would appear, has run out of Xanax and the rain in Texas is causing her hair to frizz and it's all getting unmanageable without medication. Jim's on a trolley according to his mobile upload, but I have no idea where he's going. Would including a landmark in the background or a caption under the photo really hurt? Robert, it appears, isn't hungry which is too bad as I tend to live vicariously through his lunches.
Holly is overbooked and slightly overworked, but her husband and kids are all goodlooking, as far as I can tell from her photo album, so she's got little room for complaint as far as I can see. My sister Terese, whose birthday is on Saturday, has screwed up her back again. How does that happen to "a woman in comfortable shoes?" My other sister Helen seems to be guarding her children from what, I have no idea, probably my influence. My niece Zayla is, and I quote, "lololololololo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah was just about to think that."
Marlena doesn't understand NCIS' popularity. Hello, can anyone say Mark Harmon still has it going on? By the way, she just got back from her cousin's wedding and the bride and groom, whom I've never met but have reviewed their wedding album, were wearing real crowns during the ceremony. Lisa's lost her phone, again. So everyone needs to send her their numbers and emails ASAP. Her sister Stacie is out getting tacos at Tito's and they are just awesome let me tell you, although I've never had one.
My cousin Jeffrey Ann just took second place at the Santa Cruz County Fair for her strawberry jam, and her sister Shelley and I are planning to challenge the woman who won first place to a jam off in a dark parking lot. I'm to bring my own butter knife to this fight. My other friend Shelley's pants are too tight. Now Barbie has updated her profile picture to be a photo of her thighs. Well now she's braver, and hotter than I am.
God, this is so much better than TV.