Before you get your knickers in a twist, let me make a few points of clarification first.
1. If you have Erectile Dysfunction, I am not mocking you. That totally sucks. Although I don't have a penis and can't imagine what it would be like to discover it doesn't work properly, I did have one weird sexual experience involving cocaine and numb nether region for which I prayed, for what seemed like an eternity, that I would get sensation back.
2. It would appear that I am a card carrying socialist because I want some kind of public option.
Having said that....
Last night I couldn't sleep and found myself watching some late night Canadian drama on an obscure satellite channel. About every 10 minutes the program aired these mini infomercials - not the half hour long sales pitches but short 2 minute product pitch and testimonials. One of these was for the Pos-T-Vac, a handy battery operated therapy for Erectile Dysfunction.
Pos-T-Vac Penis Pump
Now my problem with this little infomercial isn't the fact that the testimonials are done by a bunch of guys who I swear I've seen on To Catch a Predator specials, or the fact that they try to pass off a penis pump, which you can buy at any sex toy or novelty shop ( someone gave my husband an Austin Powers version as a gag gift years ago) as a medical tool by packaging it in a black bag eerily similar to a vintage doctor's bad. No, what gets me is that they offer to bill Medicare.
Medicare? Really? Is this where my tax dollars are getting spent? Funding penis pumps?
The program, Da Vinci's City Hall for those of you who must know, resumes and about 10 minutes later it's infomercial time again. This time it is for the Trojan Vibrating Touch. Okay, so here's a product I can get behind. I mean, what girl doesn't want a pocket rocket? However, during the entire commercial there is no mention of being able to bill Medicare for this revolutionary tool.
What the fuck? Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world are unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not an overwhelming medical condition? Do we not deserve a little government funding for our own release? In the last century doctors regularly offered women vibratory orgasms in their offices to cure their hysteria. A woman's need to get off is a medical condition with decades worth of antiquated research to back it up. I can tell you if you get me close and don't get me off I tend to get pretty hysterical.
I want my equal rights. I want my government funded sex toys. And also while they are at it, I'd like them to bring back government cheese and pay for my tampons.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Kathy Riordan
Joody
shaggylocks
Juliet Waters
Lunchlady 2
Tinkerertink69
Salon.com
Comments
::grind::
"Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world is unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not a overwhelming medical condition?"
Where did you find THAT statistic? It's more like 85%.
Well, Surly, you've done it again. There's going to be a permanent dent on my office floor from where I fall out of my chair laughing.
I expect to see you holding a sign at a future protest.
You have 2 hands--use them.
;-)
So yeah, I'm for yours if you're for mine :D (Also, I'll show mine if you...)
(you can whore anytime to me, precious) but I still want the queens!
Give me a break!
http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_10997
snort!! :D
Yes, here's to government funded orgasms for all. Now those uptight repbulican birther/teabagger chicks could really benefit from these and it might just swing support in the right direction and get them screaming sweet Jesus for all the right reasons. ;)
congrats on the EP/cover; well deserved.
rated
"Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world are unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not an overwhelming medical condition?"
You're sleeping with the wrong men, honey.
Now should vibrators be covered? I guess if there is a problem with achieving an orgasm (is there orgasm dysfunction) then it should be covered as well. All the doctor would have to do is write a prescription which you take to your local toy store.
That's why I love my BOB... Battery-Operated Boyfriend... always reliable (as long as he has batteries), always is hard, always performs, gives me terrific pleasure, doesn't have to smoke a cigarette after, can't get me pregnant by accident, can't give me diseases, I don't have to buy condoms, isn't selfish, doesn't want me to continually blow him while I can't get mine, doesn't show me disinterest, doesn't make me get into weird positions even when it hurts, lasts more than a minute, and DOESN'T fall asleep on me once he's done (which... he's never done, as long as I keep him supplied in batteries)!
La di da di da....
oooooooooooyumoooooooooyumooooooooooooo
i'm not sure they're still in business though, so many women decided they liked shiny things and a regular income and were willing to give up on having great sex as well.
you are just describing the end result of the triumph of capitalism.
Maybe if the tea-baggers jacked off with a different body part than their mouths, they'd be mellower, less inclined to believe BS, and therefore, cease to be tea-baggers. (It's a theory, anyway, bear with me.)
I sense a new movement could arise; "Copulating for American Sanity."
But back to what you wrote...this may be my new favorite line from OS blogs:
"Is the fact that ¾ of the male population in this world are unable or unwilling to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm not an overwhelming medical condition?"
Owl_Says_Who - paired with the right wine I bet we could make it sexy!
Robin - I knew you'd be on my side.
Chuck - :O
bobbot - Thanks brother!
O'Really - I stand corrected, and YOU would know.
AshKW - You can use a vibrator at your desk you know.
Bill Beck - You're on the right track.
WalkAwayHappy - hungry?
spotted_mind - One of my hands is behind my back with my finger's crossed.
Harry - I always feel like I'm playing your straight man/woman.
Fab - I should have known you'd go for the drag queen option.
MiddleAgedWomanBlogging - he's kinda hot in a conservative way.
stim - you should be in Hollywood.
Julie - :D
General - Sweet Jesus is right! Did ya notice I watch them there Canadians on TV? ;)
bluesurly - can I get on your Christmas list?
Mary-Anndroid - 1 Million Woman Pubic Army?
Whoreville Bedenknocker - damn it... I just can't get past the fit of giggles over your name.
Michael - The General is ALWAYS right.
micaelpeace - Thanks. Did you get the cheese snack issue sorted out yet?
aim - You have the plugged in version on don't you?
LadyMiko- I need way more pressure than that on my back... like 185lb Swedish man with really strong hands.
Sirenta Lake - I hear they do... but they look kinda scary.
incandescent - I used to... then I met my husband... poor bastard.
MTodd - I wanna come to your family reunions they sound like fun.
Cindy - EEGAADDSS!
La Capitiana13 - you're a happy little girl today aren't you?
nofrillsmonkey - amen.
al loomis - I like shiny things... like shiny vibrators ;)
fireeyes24 - Exactly!
femme forte - oooohhh... whodathunk of Home Depot as a sex toy mega store!
Shiral - I think we should put you on the organizing committee for the march!
I was reading that one post by the Junkies where pretty much being a woman is a pre-existing condition it's ridiculous.
A male friend once gave me a mega pack of batteries as a gift!!!
Ladies, don't waste your money. The pocket rocket doesn't work!
Gentlemen, we actually will receive it anyway you can give it. We love our men! Lesbian couples have no need for any comment. they had it figured out long ago!
There is a sincere disconnect here. Hello?
now, if it's true that 75% - 85% of men don't seem to know how or have interest in getting a woman off, i would postulate - drawing on my own not inconsiderable 35 year experience as a sexually active male - a similar percentage of women don't seem to know how or have interest in giving a good blowjob.
but, seriously, as mick jagger once asked, 'brothers and sisters, why are we fighting? who's fighting and what for?' john lennon had it right, the best sex prescription ever: 'come together.'
Hey, it's all in the package and marketing! Label it a "medical device" back it up with published, preferably large study (probably not hard to recruit subjects) and in the instruction manual include lots of obscure medical-sounding warnings and caveats. In Blue states stress its usefulness in enriching women's personal lives and as a drug-free way of dealing with boredom and anxiety. In Red states discreetly tout its family value virtues in helping women find fulfillment in even the most stultifying freedom-free environments. Trojan also should set up a subsidiary titled something like "Feminine Health and Family Research Corporation" to sell it. That ought to get Medicare to pay for it!
:) And yes, you should be able to get a vibrator with your public option!!
We have a great time until somebody says "what do you mean by that" and then all hell breaks loose.
"In the last century doctors regularly offered women vibratory orgasms in their offices to cure their hysteria."
Where does the time go?
Isn't it Gloria Steineim that wrote about if men could menstruate? This concept is right up there! Haha, WONDERFUL!