Okay, so we've established that I watch way too much television.  I am a junkie for pretty much any kind of TV.  I'm sorry if you had previously had a more high brow impression of me.  Illusions get shattered all the time, and you'll get over this.  I promise.

 

 

Me and MTV go way back.  I'm not only old enough to remember when MTV played music videos, but I'm also old enough to remember when there was no MTV.   I was one of those totally hip chicks in the 80's who dressed like Madonna and danced on top of speakers in the cool all-ages dance clubs in LA.  My lust for all things new wave and pop culture was so strong that I demanded that we get cable so I could have MTV.  I remember singing "I want my MTV..." along with Dire Straits and Sting.  I loved the little astronaut with the the MTV flag who has all but disappeared from view except to be trotted out at awards shows like a symbolic relic of a glorious past.

I've tried to be supportive of MTV's move to include scripted reality shows in their regular programming. I did manage to follow the fishbowl lives of several seasons of the pioneering series, back when MTV was a pioneer, The Real World which always struck me as more realistic than scripted.  I tried, but couldn't rally, for the obscenity that was the My Sweet Sixteen series that exalted the overpriced birthday parties of privileged children whose vocabularly consists mostly of "gimme, gimme, Gucci, Prada, Mercedes, gimme, gimme". Varuka Salt had nothing on these kids.  I tried to find humor in Ashton Kutcher's antics on Punk'd but I never liked Candid Camera, so this wasn't my kind of thing.  I will confess right now I was a multi-season addict for The Flavor of Love on the sister channel VH1.  How could you not be?  Flavor Flav is a comedic genius with an unbridled love of skanky women and fried chicken.  I was a little late to the party for the Laguna Beach series and actually introduced myself to the show in a stupefying one day marathon of a complete season.  I'll admit it, I was intrigued.  It was kinda like going back to high school again only the kids had more money, nicer cars, and more expensive clothes.  In my day it was thrift stores, vintage Mustangs and Gremlins and Mickey's Big Mouth.  

In the past few years I have even enjoyed some of the spin-off series The Hills. I actually found Lauren "LC" Conrad to be seemingly genuine, and followed her pursuits of her own identity and a healthy relationship with more than a passing interest.  Her friend Heidi and her now-husband Spencer Pratt of "Speidi" infamy were storylines that I gladly fast-forwarded through thanks to my DVR.  I even liked Whitney, the deer in the headlights blonde with fashion designer aspirations, enough to follow her to New York for her own series The City.  That is, until tonight.

I wish I could link the full episode video clips from this evenings season premieres for you. I want you to understand how dreadful these episodes were.  They weren't dreadful for any cinematic reasons.  Not even for any fault of the script writers, not really.  The reasons I found them so untenable was because of the character of some of the women they have cast in them.  

In The Hills, for example, in addition to the never-ending saga that is Speidi and Spencer Pratt's portrayal of a colossal asshole, this episode heralds the return to MTV of one of Laguna Beach's biggest bitches, Kristin Cavallari.  From the minute the voice over at the beginning of the episode starts it is clear that the sole point of Kristin's addition to the cast, and her sole goal for being on the show, is to be a villain, and not a terribly clever one at that.  Not 10 minutes into the show and she's talking smack and shouting "Bring it!" at fellow cast-mates Audrina Patridge and Stephanie Pratt.  The rest of the episode was just a set-up for more of the same and that it appears is the tone of the season as evidenced in the previews that they show at the end of the episode.

 Without getting up for popcorn or Prozac, The Hills almost bleeds right into The City which follows Whitney Port on her journey to break into the fashion world in New York.  While there are new drama queens introduced in this episode like Roxy, Whitney's childhood friend who applies to work at the same company as Whitney and uses bashing Whitney's character as an interview tactic. Ultimatley it is the return of last season's socialite, Olivia Palermo, that irks me the most.  Olivia is the worst kind of socialite.  She is pretty, rich and well dressed to be sure, but she is also of the considered opinion that she is better than the rest of the world. 

Palermo was despicable enough last season when, whether scripted or not, she pulled a traditional bitch-at-work maneuver and took credit for work that was not entirely her own.  That this was glossed over at the time and treated as a minor plot point, bothered me.  There are young people out there watching this and is this how MTV wants to portray life in the workplace?  Backstabbing is just par for the course?  However tonight Olivia went above and beyond. 

At the start of the episode she is given the opportunity to work in a much coveted position at Elle magazine.  While I'm pretty sure that these jobs are arranged by the production company and not necessarily "real", in this day and age when millions of people are out of work, and you're offered a job most women with a passion for fashion would cut their left breast off for, you act grateful and eager to please and eager to learn.  You do not, under any circumstances, mouth off to your superior, telling her that if she doesn't like what you did to do it herself, especially when you are corrected, and rather politely I might add, for not actually doing the task that was requested of you. I don't know whether or not firing Olivia is going to be part of the storyline, but if it isn't, it should be.  Such blatant bad behavior isn't good role modeling for young women, good television, or good PR for Elle magazine.

There were so many other directions both of these shows could have gone this year.  They could have used their considerable power for good and could have stopped their cast's trek down the path of hedonism, self-indulgence, and exemplification of all that is wrong with the way people behave today.  But I guess that would be too ground breaking for the once revolutionary network. It's disappointing to see how far the promise of such a once avant-garde network has fallen.  I no longer want my MTV.