iamsurly

iamsurly
Location
Los Angeles, California, USA
Birthday
October 22
Title
ex-heiress
Bio
Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.

MY RECENT POSTS

Iamsurly's Links

MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
JULY 2, 2011 3:45PM

I Hate The American Flag

Rate: 16 Flag

Ooooh! I bet I just got your blood a boiling with that title, now didn't I? You saw them there fightin' words and decided you were gonna come on over here and put old Surly in her place. Gone too far this time haven't I? It's one thing to be mockin' those Japanese and their crazy sex toys and passion for Hello Kitty, but quite another to trash talkin' Old Glory. Just settle down and pop a couple of your blood pressure pills.

I got home from work yesterday and discovered that I'd been flagged by the local realtor again this year. This is an annual ritual in pissing me off. I hate these damn things. First off they are cheesy looking. Secondly, if I wanted lawn ornaments I'd have a politically incorrect lawn jockey and some garden gnomes running loose. Not a cheap plastic American flag. The other problem is that once I've been flagged, it becomes my responsibility to dispose of it. While the Supreme Court is fine with me burning the flag, I'm pretty sure a Hazmat team would be called in and my neighbourhood cordoned off if I tried to put a match to this thing. The fumes alone would take out an entire city block. God knows what these things are made of. So, what am I to do with it? I can't put it in the trash. Flag etiquette says I can't let it touch the floor, so I'm pretty sure I'm breaking protocol and at least one federal statute by tossing it in the rubbish bin. Keep it? Where? Do I put it in a flower pot? Hang it in my living room? God I hate cheap plastic American flags.

It's not so much the flag itself that I hate, nor what it stands for. I'm proud to be an American, don't get me wrong. What I hate is what we do with it. We don't just hang the flag outside our homes and businesses. No. We find ways and places to stick it that just don't always seem quite appropriate. I really don't think this is what Major Robert Anderson had in mind when his actions help popularize the hanging of the American flag on homes and businesses in 1861. I'm pretty sure neither he, nor Betsy Ross, could have conceived of an American flag tampon.

We don't just hang our flags out on our porches on special occasions. Instead, we put it on nearly every conceivable and inconceivable surface. We make decals, stickers, posters, paintings, and clothing. It is the most abused copyright free emblems in the world. How we use it and when we wave it says a great deal about us. Sometimes what it says, well... it ain't pretty.

And, as if wearing it on our clothes was not enough, there are some who will go the extra mile. To each his own, I guess? I wonder how this goes over with potential employers.

We're also willing to spend inordinate amounts of money painting it on our cars. Dude, seriously, you're not picking up chicks in either of these rides.

And to add insult to injury... or pepperoni at least... we make American flag pizzas.

I bet you're thinkin': "You're such a snob Surly. So what if people want to show off their patriotism by wearing a flag to cover their crotch? Live and let live." To which I say, fair enough, just don't plant it in my yard or show up to my Fourth of July beach party wearing a Stars and Stripes thong, or it's game on bitch.

Have a wonderful 4th of July.

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
The flag tampon says it all.

Happy 4th.
Tee hee! Have a great Independence Day.
I hate that one of my neighbors doesn't bother to take his flag down ever, through rain and shine it hangs there like a damp wash rag for years. Having sons that have done over 10 stints in Iraq and Afghan. and one there now. I will never forget when one of them sent me the flag that he held and flew over Iraq as an aerial gunner.
the flag is a piece of symbolism for silly souls
seeking solace in sweet subterfuge
and
wishing nothing but to
jump on the nearest unamerican in order to BE
american
which is to be a part of what the poet said
was
"a faded glory of a story,
a simple sign,
blood for bulls,
blue for the benighted,
white for
the
anachronistic m-fers who wasp us with their sharp
genitalia tongues.

hm.

no, i like the flag.

sort of.
the flag is a piece of symbolism for silly souls
seeking solace in sweet subterfuge
and
wishing nothing but to
jump on the nearest unamerican in order to BE
american
which is to be a part of what the poet said
was
"a faded glory of a story,
a simple sign,
blood for bulls,
blue for the benighted,
white for
the
anachronistic m-fers who wasp us with their sharp
genitalia tongues.

hm.

no, i like the flag.

sort of.
the flag is a piece of symbolism for silly souls
seeking solace in sweet subterfuge
and
wishing nothing but to
jump on the nearest unamerican in order to BE
american
which is to be a part of what the poet said
was
"a faded glory of a story,
a simple sign,
blood for bulls,
blue for the benighted,
white for
the
anachronistic m-fers who wasp us with their sharp
genitalia tongues.

hm.

no, i like the flag.

sort of.
That reminds me - gotta go put my flag up. ;)
You're right, dear surley. Your headline and introduction raised my hackles (whatever they are). But you got me with your winsome prose and sense of humor. So, happy 4th to you as well!
P.S. JME may require a medic. He seems to have a palsy-like relationship with his keyboard. Reading his comment once was painful enough.
You give good headline.
I've noticed that used car dealers are the most patriotic people in the country, 'cause they have the biggest flags!
You're right, you got me with that title!! You're also right about the overuse of the flag...good article and illustrations.
I agree. I started calling those people who took the flag out of the newspaper and putting it up in their window until it turned all faded and ragged "Paper flag patriots". In America you should have the choice to display a flag if you want to, and to not have it displayed on your property if you don't. And tacky flags should be banned, by gobs, except for those women in the little string bikinis of course.

But here's an idea, collect as many of those little plastic flags as you can and go down to some holy roller church, the one that wants to put the 10 Commandments on the courthouse lawn, and cover their property, and then complain that they hate America if they move even one. Maybe that's just me, maybe I think in such evil terms. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha.
I agree. I started calling those people who took the flag out of the newspaper and putting it up in their window until it turned all faded and ragged "Paper flag patriots". In America you should have the choice to display a flag if you want to, and to not have it displayed on your property if you don't. And tacky flags should be banned, by gobs, except for those women in the little string bikinis of course.

But here's an idea, collect as many of those little plastic flags as you can and go down to some holy roller church, the one that wants to put the 10 Commandments on the courthouse lawn, and cover their property, and then complain that they hate America if they move even one. Maybe that's just me, maybe I think in such evil terms. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha.
i like ocular's idea.

they would sent out reverend doughboy
and his dour bitch of a wife,
dorinda,
or doh-doh to her friends.

he would say something about god.

she would wonder why she was stuck with this doughy old
idiot.

i would say w/a wink,
"i am pro choice gal"

live with yours.ha
This is why I like that the local veterans when asking for donations give flowers instead of flags. What do you do with all those flags? Although I would take one of those man zones for a hour or so...
That we are allowed to use and abuse our flag is a fine right. 'Tis only a symbol after all. The flag I'm proudest of is the one handed to me at my son's funeral by another soldier who said those word; "Sir a grateful nation mourns with you."
Rated
I remember when all that was illegal. I'm glad that era is over.
I like Hello Kitty!!!

Happy Sunday Surly!! ~waves~

I like Canadians too! They give me free beer when I say hello!! Gotta love peeps who do that!! I say hello A LOT!! :D
Im not puttin' a flag tampon in my hoo haw., the govt is already fucked me enough this year!!!!
I like all that junk. I buy it for my exhusband who is a totally nuts conservative...the kind that listens to rush and thinks glenn beck is one of the good guys. but I still love the guy. he's a most excellent friend.

so every year we search out flag junk, from tablecloths and lawn chairs to christmas tree lights. he's a june birthday so being close to independence day makes it easier. this year we found a flag wind chime.

I realize this doesn't help so here's a suggestion. stick it in your neighbors lawn. they'd probably like that they got a double flagging.
Whenever I see an American flag displayed on a moving vehicle, it's obvious the owner is "a totally nuts conservative...the kind that listens to rush and thinks glenn beck is one of the good guys." The flag symbol consistently goes with anti-abortion, anti-Obama, pro-confederate South, pro-God/church sentiments on bumper stickers. Has love of country really been hijacked by this fundie wingnut freak show? Not as much as they think.

I'd give the plastic flag back to the realtor too.
it aint illegal to wear flag over private parts.
janet jackson not wearing flag bra at superbowl,yo?
do not burn it tho.
burn flag bra like in hippie days?

case, yo, for the f-ing american supreme court.
hope clarence thomas (doubting thomas)
vote his conscience.
I have always preferred the Gadsden Flag, the one with the snake and "Don't Tread on Me" underneath. What can I say--to a 12-year-old boy, it was way cooler.
While digesting Reader's Digest
Down at the dirty book store
A plastic flag with gum on the back
Fell down to the floor
I picked it up and ran outside
Slapped it on my window shield
If I could see ol' Betsy Ross
I'd tell her how good I feel...

USA! USA! USA!