Los Angeles, California, USA
October 22
Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.


Iamsurly's Links

JANUARY 5, 2012 10:51AM

I O U Fuck All

Rate: 29 Flag

Well first let me get the pleasantries out of the way and wish you a Happy New Year. Let's all pause for a moment while we pretend that this greeting actually carried real emotion and that either one of us has a vested interest in how the other's year is going to work out. Ok. Done.

I'm not a total Grinch, but I will confess that there's a lot about the holiday season that makes me glad to see the back of it each January. I don't like holiday sweaters, Christmas carols, and obligatory gift giving. Sure. I like giving gifts, and I certainly like receiving them. What I don't like is the idea that I'm required to give presents to people that I might not otherwise have bought a present for under other circumstances. I really hate the stock issue holiday gift sets,complete with festive holiday shrink wrap straight from the factory, that people give you because they feel obligated to give you a gift, but can't really think of anything personal. I don't want you to give it to me, because I don't want to have to owe you a gift. I O U fuck all.

 The idea of owing and being owed, that sense of being entitled to something is seemingly more and more pervasive these days. It's a gift with purchase mentality. As consumers we prefer to buy when they give us more because we deserve it. We're entitled to it. In fact damnit, we're owed it. I can't buy just one Eggies without them wanting to throw in a second one to sweeten the deal. They expect, and they are right, that I won't think it's a deal for $10 if they don't double the offer. (We'll talk about the sheer pointlessness of the Eggies another time.) We can't get people to donate money to charity without offering them incentives. Nearly every charity drive you encounter offers some kind of fundraising bonus - donate $25 to get a T-shirt, and they'll throw in the indispensable tote bag if you up the donation to $75. Why? Because they are sure, and they are right, that you are not capable of giving money just to give money. You feel you're owed some kind of compensation for your generosity. That is other than a tax break.

In both the retail and service industries customers regularly demand compensation when things don't go their way. Your Christmas package arrived later than anticipated in the mail? Yeah, sure you're owed an apology. Sorry about that. But are you really owed a refund? Credit towards your next purchase with the retailer? No. No you're not. You're not owed anything. In the end you got what you wanted, Aunt Agnes got her fuzzy slippers, and Armageddon is not yet upon us. It's all good. You are owed fuck all. The waitress forgot your drink order and you had to wait a little bit and ask her again? Sure, you're owed an apology. She's sorry, she's human. Are you owed a free drink? Are you entitled to stiff her on the tip in compensation? No. No you're not. You're owed fuck all.

 I hear a lot of you talking talk about what your government should be doing for you. What many of you have forgotten to mention is that you've spent way more than you've been earning on things that don't matter like leather seats and DVD players in your SUV, purses with someone else's initials on them, and venti half-caf double whip frozen whataccinos, instead of being fiscally smart. I hear that you can't find the "right" job or need to find yourself before you can really focus on a career. You bitch and moan because someone's willing to come from the third world and do the jobs that you're too fucking precious and navel contemplative to do, and what's your solution? Instead of cleaning the toilets or picking fruit you apply for another credit card that comes with air miles because you're owed a gift with purchase. And when you can no longer meet your minimum payments, no, I don't think you're entitled to file bankruptcy and make the rest of the world suck up your debts. No you're not entitled for special government programs, like food stamps, meant for people who really want to work and can't find employment. You and your first world problems are owed fuck all.

Yeah, you heard it here first. You're not entitled to fuck all. You want rewards? Earn them. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Do something for others just because you can. Teach your children to be better people than you are. Kwitcherbitchin' and get off your ass. And if you think I'm calling you out, and I probably am, and you think I owe you an apology. I O U fuck all. Remember that.

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Wait, where's my leather seats? I don't have any fucking leather seats!!

I want my god damn leather seats!! And one of them egg thingies!!!

And a Barbie Dream House!!!

AND I WANT IT NOW!! HISSS!! Oops, sorry, Happy New Year!!


~wanders off into the thorn bushes~
What? You didn't like the DIYS Lemon Peel Cookies I sent you? ( okay, so it WAS just a dried out rind and a 25 cents off coupon for a bag of flour! BUT you STILL owe me, bitch!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!)
This is all I see: "I owe you an apology."
Excellent use of the word "fuck." Rated.
Are You respectfully suggesting?

We chip in and buy Kerry a car?

Let's purchase blow-up dolls?

I saw Santa on a Harley Hog.
Teens shoot and deflate Hog.
Santa falls into a snow puddle.
Kids were charger with bb crime.
Kid is a`
baby goat.
No shoot blown up Santa with bb gun.
Buy Kerry on bouquet of poison ivy.
But Kerry a black sheep and bible.
You are sure surly and likable.
We share a 22nd birthday.
I'll send you a plow mule.
You want a pack burro?
I'll rob one from Amish.
Is it okay to kvetch? I'd be lost without kvetching.
I agree with Art James...you sure are surly and likeable! Happy Ne....ooops, habit, sorry, it won't happen again!
And I don't owe you a rating but I gave you one anyway.
Hell yeah! What V.Corso said.
I'm waiting for a refund of my tax dollars that went to paying civilian contractors who fucked up their visual analysis and advised the military drone operators to shoot missles at wedding parties. I ain't paying for shitty service like that.
God, Surly, How I've Missed You.
I think you'll enjoy reading my post called "OWS is laying on my couch."
What did I love best here? The calling out of the shrink wrapped holiday gift set, or the "right" job, or - oh hell, I loved every damn word.
You tell 'em, surly girl.
My favorite part was the obligatory gift giving. I'm working to break some more people of that habit. Shoot, I liked the whole thing.
The vast majority of people work very very hard and earn almost nothing at all in terms of wages. That's no different here than it is in China or Greece or Zimbabwe. Although the impressions of what might be considered an even playing field are different given each set of circumstances, the even playing field is equally an illusion in all. In the 70's when the economy imploded people were told their spouses would have to work now, and they could no longer have real pensions, and their benefits would be steadily reduced. And in place of real rises in wage they would receive credit. This was the compensation being offered for losing those other "rewards" so naturally people lunged at it. To blame them now for the resulting mess is obscene, especially since the vast majority of debt is still held by large institutions, both public and private, that are run by the same people who are now busy blaming everybody for taking out a loan on a car or a house--at their urging--and set on paying off their own astronomical debt on the backs of those same people. So, really, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you.
That's OK. Many who just started to speak up about what the politicians and bankers have been doing have already been FUCKED IOU (whatever) over and over.
Just don't want to keep bending over and saying thank you very much I 'll take another.
2 thumbs up! Subtle hints of George Carlin could be heard wafting in the background! Glad to see you back!
How wonderful to see you! Will a tummy turning recipe follow for Eggies? Keeping my fingers crossed.
I had a conversation with my visiting-from-Scotland mother-in-law about those Eggies. Were it not for the fact she refuses to use credit cards I am sure she would have bought us a set. Well actually it's two sets plus some other shit they throw in, all for some unbelievably low price (plus $49.99 to send it parcel post in a paper thin box).
WTF is this meme of "First World Problems"? In the US already? Does no-one here know how we got to 3 to describe the poor countries? First World = Europe (and Britain - no Britain is next to Europe not in it!). Second World = The Americas, particularly the USA. Third World = All the other poor suckers.
So do those Eggie things really work? Because I hate peeling boiled eggs. Of course, I also hate the taste of boiled plastic...but still, you just crack the egg in the Eggie & put it in boiling water & come out with a perfect egg? Hmmm...Did you make this up?
The nice thing about bitching about the eternal "others" is you can say anything you want and be right about someone. You sure the hell are talking about any of the friends I know, or my kids, or my neighborhood. I'm with BOKO on this one. The economy is shot because working people have been downsized, kicked out, benefits cut, earning less and less and being asked to work more and more, corporate owners / CEOs whining that the bottom line is what matters most...with their salaries/boniuses and corporate earnings at an ALL TIME HIGH, and corporate taxes at an ALL TIME LOW. sow I say...quitchurbitchin, bitch.
You are so annoying; I guess that's your aim. But I really don't like where you place the blame . . . .
Thanks, BOKO, for the righteous analysis!
Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who are living frugally and barely making ends meet. I'm one of them. I have a master's degree and I teach, and I cannot support a family of four (really four and a half, because the son I can't claim anymore is working at Target for 7.63/hour.) I have not bought my children or anyone else Christmas gifts for the past three years. I will drive my 1998 Corolla until it crumbles, hopefully after I retire, and then won't replace it. My husband's catastrophically expensive form of cancer means that I expend energy worrying about medical bills when I should be using that energy being his companion. I have sought and received financial assistance from the hospital we owe so much money to, despite having insurance. I'm 57 and will need to work until the school refuses to have me back, which in Arizona could be any time. Sometimes the rants rich girls indulge in hurt people. I'm with Boko on this one.
Your daisy header is looking mighty cheery. I'm sensing 2012 optimism going on, underneath it all...
♥╚═══╝╚╝╚╝╚═══╩═══╝─╚for being who you are and the way you do things.
I guess if you're going to write something with a strong point of view, you have to be ready to see that you've hit a nerve or two.

I'm with BOKO, C Berg, imnrg, and Snippy. And don't even think of touching my coffee, I'm borrowing from my retirement to pay for it.