Los Angeles, California, USA
October 22
Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.


Iamsurly's Links

JULY 18, 2012 11:14AM

From The Realm of Things I Do Not Understand: Fruit Art

Rate: 25 Flag

Okay. So I'm not sporting a lot of street cred on the food blogger front. I know this. My recipe card collection has a small following of fans who get my romance with offensive food photography. Many of them, however, may be surprised to discover that even with my love for ugly food, I can't see the point of Edible Arrangements. Yeah. I know it's fruit. It's a gift. Got that. Still, I'd rather you sent me an arrangement of meat or a bouquet of corpse flowers than to receive a bucket of carved fruit. (Especially if it's carved to look like that fucking cat!)

Now don't get me wrong. I like fruit. Fruit is good. But a basket of pre-cut fruit has about a 5 minute shelf life and what you're giving me is something that will go brown on my counter before I've tipped the delivery guy. But bitching about Edible Arrangements isn't where I meant to go with this. I digress. As usual.

Earlier today my friend-cum-nemesis, Annie, knowing my wrath for carved fruit art, forwarded me an abomination in watermelon. Rude, right? So in response to my suggestion that Annie should die for her offense, another friend suggested that it could have been worse as Annie could have sent me a fruit fetus. A WHAT? Dear God, no. That is not something that could possibly exist, right? Wrong.

Really? A fetus of watermelon encased in Jell-o? Surely there can't be more than one watermelon fetus in the world, can there? Oh. Yes. There can.

What, in the hell, is wrong with people?

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LOL Laughing Out Loud. That is just terrible. Geez. How low can people go!!
Too much time on their hands.
Ach, God. That stuff's just horrible. (Although I do see a sneaky resemblance to Freaky Troll in the baby carriage one.)
People who eat watermelons are evil.
Oh, my. I have no words.
(rated) -

hey, stop dumping on american ingenuity, okay? somebody came up with an unlikely concept, turned it into a product line, and is making a living off it. probably several somebodys.

let's celebrate the invention of fruit art, until apple or google buys the company and outsources it to china for assembly and requires us to buy a $79 monthly plan to get any.
Actually, fruit art reminds me of Picasso during his "I have no fucking idea what I'm doing" period.
That cat is disturbing but I have compasssion for her. She has no mouth yet is chubby, which leads me to believe she has a serious metabolic disorder. Poor kitty will never nibble an apricot filled petit four, mocha truffle (suitable gifts), or even a watermelon fetus that looks like an alien peering at you.

"What, in the hell, is wrong with people?" Is that an Open Call?
The last two fetuses resemble Gollum clutching his "precious". All I can say is, GROSS!!!
Send one to Michele Bachmann!

The watermelon baby carriage... well, it's clever in a scary way. But the watermelon fetuses....Why, lord, why??

I don't even really like babies when they have emerged from the womb - fruit renderings of them in utero should be a felony.
So, you mean, DON'T send you a fruit fetus? Oh well, I guess I'll abort that idea...
I wish I could say it's shocking in it's banality...but...it goes much deeper than that...my eyes hurt now...
Are you supposed to eat it with a clothes hanger utensils?
I swear. I wondered off to the greenhouse.

Blogger ` aim. Chuckle. Your No politico.
You visit ` watermelon. You Thumb Good.
Politico's ` scribblers rot. You so funny too.
If we eaters get hungry enough we chow `beets.
We gorge on leather shoes, belts, and ` bloggers.
Gaud. Nature gave ` Surly ` I am a bit` barfs-huh.
You 'ought' to take `Charles Lamb's Salon` Place?

What ever Happened to Salon's ` Food Critic ` Lamb?
I always read that ` Charles Lamb` and got jello` Grub?
No. Serious. I first ` GoodCelery! ` responed from ` CA.
I guess the billionaires ` deleted` or/and booted `Lamb.
Fill out a Recipe-Resume` and/or we\chew mule ` Hock.

Melon is ` a rotten one. It's good`Metaphor.
You thump with your dirty-nail big` Thumb.
Thump Thump Thump till Doom` Death-Day.
Fruit fetuses (fetusi?) are way weird!!

You should post this to lorianne's site - http://oursalon.ning.com
I feel kind of sick.... :)
This is shocking, to say the least...
Thank you for the creep-out. My world is now bigger.
Fruit fetuses?! A worthy post for Weird Shit Wednesday!
Nick wins the comment prize IMO. I may have to nominate that on the Readers' Pick.
Fruity fetal art. Icky wick.
Lord someone made one of those watermellon fetus abominations for my nieces shower .. Nobody ate it .. Coincidence? I think not!
I do like edible arrangements, but yeah, the watermelon babies are over the line. Mock cannibalism. Yech.
Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Fruit and Veggie Art, and we'd love to have your photo added to the group. Every time I see one of these carvings, I'm more than just amazed. Looking for cheapest auto insurance in Florida?

So very beautiful.
I would eat the baby in the carriage for sure. those berries are really nice looking. fuck it. throw the whole thing in a pie crust. (minus binky)

but should the fetuses (feti?) be eaten?