iamsurly

iamsurly
Location
Los Angeles, California, USA
Birthday
October 22
Title
ex-heiress
Bio
Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.

MY RECENT POSTS

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Okay, so y'all know I'm not always hip to all the latest and greatest food trends. Someone who collects vintage recipe cards and has a perpetual hankering for Velveeta can't call themselves a gourmand. I'm not a terribly adventurous eater either. I don't eat exotic mystery meats, innards (including… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 19, 2011 8:08PM

Being Charitable Really Chafes My Ass

You might not have heard the rumours, but I'm sure you've felt the rumblings, that feeling that some thing just isn't quite right with the universe lately. There's been a shift, a subtle change in the air. You've been uneasy, I know, and you've had every right to be.… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 13, 2011 2:53PM

Surly's Guide to Valentine's Day Gifts

Well looky here, it's already Valentine's day. Could have poked my eye out with a stick before I'd have noticed, except for the fact that there's been all that pink and red wrapped candy and over-sized gift cards at the front of every store I've entered since all the Christmas decorations… Read full post »

JANUARY 13, 2011 5:24PM

Holy Mother of Grilled Cheese!

So the other day my friend Annie pointed out to me that Mr. Fancy Food Pants Francis Lam (Lam Chop to moi) was trying to be all cool with his little competition for Grilled Cheese recipes. At first I was all "Whatever with that." Franny Fancy Pants, who was too good to… Read full post »

JANUARY 9, 2011 5:53PM

Hip. Hep. What Happened?

Over Christmas my mother remarked, apropos of my less than flamboyant attire (unlike her own), "What happened to you? You used to dress so cool." Really good question. Once upon a time I was quite the fashion plate. I loved to shop and had to have all the latest and… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 5, 2011 10:22AM

From the Realm of Things I Don't Understand:Toilet Paper Ads

What? You expected a dissertation on a classier subject? From me? Have you read me? This isn't the first time I've talked openly about my own personal toilet paper preferences. So it wasn't a surprise when my friend Annie IM'd me and told me that this is a national issue… Read full post »

JANUARY 3, 2011 10:58AM

Pie Maker, Pie Maker, Make Me A Pie

I'm a kitchen gadget freak. You name it, I've probably got it, had it, or it's on my want list. I've got a bread machine, an ice cream machine, two deep fat fryers, and I even bought that silly quesadilla maker they came up with a while back. So when Williams-Sonoma… Read full post »

DECEMBER 27, 2010 12:44PM

My Wish For 2011 - A Twat Free New Year

Alas, we've reached the end of another year, and the end of the first decade of this millennium. We have so much to be proud of thus far, have we not? We've elected a black man as president; elevated a gun toting Stepford Wife to celebutante status; and gotten… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 19, 2010 9:29PM

Do You Remember When It Was That Christmas Started To Suck?

 
Yeah. We wore matching outfits. Often.

 I can still remember fondly the days when Christmas was still full of mystery and wonder. When I would stay up all night waiting to hear the reindeer on the roof only to fall asleep at the last possible second. For years I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 5, 2010 3:18PM

Did God Just Call Me Fat?

Just a word of warning before we get started here, I'm probably gonna be guilty of acts of heresy and blasphemy in this post. If you're all sensitive and shit, you should probably go read my friend Sarah's blog. She likes to write nice things.

Despite my years in… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 21, 2010 6:36PM

Sex Toy Shopping

So yesterday I was Skyping with my girlfriends Annie and Sarah.  I was ranting on and on about that damn Hoda and Kathie Lee, who keep having all kinds of offensive stuff on their show.  Like last week when they were doing a segment on spicing up your sex life and… Read full post »
NOVEMBER 18, 2010 10:58AM

The Fine Art of Being Bitchy

Now I won't pretend I'm an angel. Y'all know that ain't true. I've said a mean thing or two in my time. I try not to say mean things to a person's face, unless they are spoiling for a fight, or are 1_Irritated_Mother. For the most part,… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 11, 2010 11:50PM

Real Housewives of BH - Hating on Camille

7:00 - Chez Lisa, early hours. Lisa and Cedric "The Permanent Houseguest" are making tea before they take off for the day. We get the requisite glimpse at Cedric's six-pack abs as Lisa spoons sugar into tea cups while deftly juggling her pampered pooch Gigolo. Yeah. This is how… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 5, 2010 2:47PM

From the Realm of Bad Judgement: Scalers Shoes

Okay. Really. I'm sensitive about my weight. I know this. You know this. I'm usually working from the assumption that you're calling me fat. I'm always calling me fat, so why shouldn't you?

It must be a fall thing. Last year in November I wrote… Read full post »

OCTOBER 22, 2010 12:05AM

In The Event This Is My Last Birthday

Gah. Another year older. I'm about to turn 44, one year shy of what should be my official mid-life point, complete with crises. However given my lifestyle and general pessimistic outlook, I would hazard to guess that my life expectancy met it's midpoint sometime in the last decade.… Read full post »

OCTOBER 19, 2010 12:50AM

Get Out Of My Panties, Please

For about a week now every time I open my email I see this subject line: Discover the Mystery of Vibrating Panties. Yeah. I get those kind of emails. I know you're not surprised. I've opened the email and marked it unread a number of times.… Read full post »

If you're surprised to find out that I can hold a grudge for over 30 years, you've not been paying attention. Tonight marks the return to television of the root of one of my childhood traumas. Kim Richards is making her comeback from child star in retirement to debutante in the Beverly… Read full post »

OCTOBER 5, 2010 12:31AM

And Yet Another Anniversary Passes

The other day my cousin, Jessica, had her baby. The birth of her first child fell just a few days shy of the 3rd anniversary of her father, my uncle, Corb's passing. It's too bad that her daughter will not have the opportunity to have met him, as he would… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 27, 2010 12:21PM

Taking On A Tard

I was texting with a friend the other day, 'cause I'm hip like that, and I was excitedly  telling her that we're were getting a new dog. Olive, a beautiful 9 month old black lab.  Olive will be the third labretard in our clan. Our conversation went something like this:

Her:… Read full post »

Um. Yeah. Okay. This is awkward. This morning Dave and I are watching the Today show and this advert for Vagisil Wash comes on and the woman says “I found out about feminine odor the hard way.” Dave looks at me, with a mouthful of toaster waffle and syrup, and… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 5, 2010 1:55PM

Speaking Ill Of The Dead

This week will mark the 3rd anniversary of my sister Parrish's death. Usually I mark the day by reposting the first blog post I ever wrote.  In the intervening years, I've written a number of pieces about my sister's death and how my family has dealt or not dealt wi/… Read full post »

Well if that old whore 1_Irritated_Mother can play... so can I!  These are 15 of my favourite albums - the ones I know all the lyrics to every song on them.  I've included links to some of my favourite songs.

 Yeah, I know... I've got some fucked up taste. 

1. Elvis Cos… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 3, 2010 6:08PM

Snooki Is Ruining My Marriage

snooki2
Image Courtesy of foxnews.com

 Let me clear one thing up before we begin.  I have never seen MTV's inexplicably popular Jersey Shore show. I've been known to watch some really bad television, The Real Housewives of New Jersey for instance, but this is one show I'v… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 11:00AM

HGTV - The Great Satan

I have a love-hate relationship with HGTV.  I love watching people renovate their homes or shop for new ones.  Mostly it's because I'm nosy.  I'm the kind of person who peeks in your medicine cabinet when I come over for dinner. (Which may explain why I don't get a lot of in… Read full post »

AUGUST 24, 2010 10:18PM

Sangria, Surly Style

Franny, Franny, Franny... where do I start? You don't call. You don't write. You don't step-up when 1_Irrational_Mother and I lay down a challenge. Then you go and mouth off about fruit cocktail. What is up with that? You act all fancy and New York cool Lam Chop, but we both know you're… Read full post »