- Los Angeles, California, USA
- October 22
- Charming young lady, with sharp tongue and vocabulary of a seasoned longshoreman, who carries in her handbag worn and tattered membership cards to the Mayflower Society and Daughters of the American Revolution, for which her dues are in arrears.
MY RECENT POSTS
- Feed Me, Seymour!
February 23, 2014 08:24PM
- Are You Ashamed of Your Anus?
January 28, 2014 10:27AM
- All I Want For Christmas Is A
December 18, 2013 11:06PM
- Taking Florida Off The Map
October 26, 2013 12:37PM
- Blaming The Dead
September 08, 2013 08:25PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “That wouldn't be the
first photo of my ass that
taken off the
May 22, 2012 11:43PM
- “Good catch.
He was born in 1954.”
April 20, 2012 01:05PM
June 27, 2011 11:25PM
- “Well at least you
cleaned the carpets before I
April 22, 2011 12:14AM
- “Betcha can't guess what
my favourite word is...
April 03, 2011 09:39PM
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
- MY LINKS
You might not have heard the rumours, but I'm sure you've felt the rumblings, that feeling that some thing just isn't quite right with the universe lately. There's been a shift, a subtle change in the air. You've been uneasy, I know, and you've had every right to be.… Read full post »
Well looky here, it's already Valentine's day. Could have poked my eye out with a stick before I'd have noticed, except for the fact that there's been all that pink and red wrapped candy and over-sized gift cards at the front of every store I've entered since all the Christmas decorations… Read full post »
So the other day my friend Annie pointed out to me that Mr. Fancy Food Pants Francis Lam (Lam Chop to moi) was trying to be all cool with his little competition for Grilled Cheese recipes. At first I was all "Whatever with that." Franny Fancy Pants, who was too good to… Read full post »
Over Christmas my mother remarked, apropos of my less than flamboyant attire (unlike her own), "What happened to you? You used to dress so cool." Really good question. Once upon a time I was quite the fashion plate. I loved to shop and had to have all the latest and… Read full post »
What? You expected a dissertation on a classier subject? From me? Have you read me? This isn't the first time I've talked openly about my own personal toilet paper preferences. So it wasn't a surprise when my friend Annie IM'd me and told me that this is a national issue… Read full post »
I'm a kitchen gadget freak. You name it, I've probably got it, had it, or it's on my want list. I've got a bread machine, an ice cream machine, two deep fat fryers, and I even bought that silly quesadilla maker they came up with a while back. So when Williams-Sonoma… Read full post »
Alas, we've reached the end of another year, and the end of the first decade of this millennium. We have so much to be proud of thus far, have we not? We've elected a black man as president; elevated a gun toting Stepford Wife to celebutante status; and gotten… Read full post »
Yeah. We wore matching outfits. Often.
I can still remember fondly the days when Christmas was still full of mystery and wonder. When I would stay up all night waiting to hear the reindeer on the roof only to fall asleep at the last possible second. For years I… Read full post »
Just a word of warning before we get started here, I'm probably gonna be guilty of acts of heresy and blasphemy in this post. If you're all sensitive and shit, you should probably go read my friend Sarah's blog. She likes to write nice things.
Despite my years in… Read full post »
Now I won't pretend I'm an angel. Y'all know that ain't true. I've said a mean thing or two in my time. I try not to say mean things to a person's face, unless they are spoiling for a fight, or are 1_Irritated_Mother. For the most part,… Read full post »
7:00 - Chez Lisa, early hours. Lisa and Cedric "The Permanent Houseguest" are making tea before they take off for the day. We get the requisite glimpse at Cedric's six-pack abs as Lisa spoons sugar into tea cups while deftly juggling her pampered pooch Gigolo. Yeah. This is how… Read full post »
Okay. Really. I'm sensitive about my weight. I know this. You know this. I'm usually working from the assumption that you're calling me fat. I'm always calling me fat, so why shouldn't you?
It must be a fall thing. Last year in November I wrote… Read full post »
Gah. Another year older. I'm about to turn 44, one year shy of what should be my official mid-life point, complete with crises. However given my lifestyle and general pessimistic outlook, I would hazard to guess that my life expectancy met it's midpoint sometime in the last decade.… Read full post »
For about a week now every time I open my email I see this subject line: Discover the Mystery of Vibrating Panties. Yeah. I get those kind of emails. I know you're not surprised. I've opened the email and marked it unread a number of times.… Read full post »
If you're surprised to find out that I can hold a grudge for over 30 years, you've not been paying attention. Tonight marks the return to television of the root of one of my childhood traumas. Kim Richards is making her comeback from child star in retirement to debutante in the Beverly… Read full post »
The other day my cousin, Jessica, had her baby. The birth of her first child fell just a few days shy of the 3rd anniversary of her father, my uncle, Corb's passing. It's too bad that her daughter will not have the opportunity to have met him, as he would… Read full post »
I was texting with a friend the other day, 'cause I'm hip like that, and I was excitedly telling her that we're were getting a new dog. Olive, a beautiful 9 month old black lab. Olive will be the third labretard in our clan. Our conversation went something like this:
Her:… Read full post »
Um. Yeah. Okay. This is awkward. This morning Dave and I are watching the Today show and this advert for Vagisil Wash comes on and the woman says “I found out about feminine odor the hard way.” Dave looks at me, with a mouthful of toaster waffle and syrup, and… Read full post »
This week will mark the 3rd anniversary of my sister Parrish's death. Usually I mark the day by reposting the first blog post I ever wrote. In the intervening years, I've written a number of pieces about my sister's death and how my family has dealt or not dealt wi/… Read full post »
Well if that old whore 1_Irritated_Mother can play... so can I! These are 15 of my favourite albums - the ones I know all the lyrics to every song on them. I've included links to some of my favourite songs.
Yeah, I know... I've got some fucked up taste.
1. Elvis Cos… Read full post »
Let me clear one thing up before we begin. I have never seen MTV's inexplicably popular Jersey Shore show. I've been known to watch some really bad television, The Real Housewives of New Jersey for instance, but this is one show I'v… Read full post »
I have a love-hate relationship with HGTV. I love watching people renovate their homes or shop for new ones. Mostly it's because I'm nosy. I'm the kind of person who peeks in your medicine cabinet when I come over for dinner. (Which may explain why I don't get a lot of in… Read full post »
Franny, Franny, Franny... where do I start? You don't call. You don't write. You don't step-up when 1_Irrational_Mother and I lay down a challenge. Then you go and mouth off about fruit cocktail. What is up with that? You act all fancy and New York cool Lam Chop, but we both know you're… Read full post »
In my lifetime I've been on pretty much every diet known to man. Right now, in fact, I'm back on Jenny Craig as it is one of the few diets that I can do with any success because I don't actually have to think about what I'm eating. When I have… Read full post »