Play video as you read if you like the full effect.

"Seriously, would you slow the fuck down?" I shouted to my younger sister Sandra from the backseat of her brand new Toyota. 

"It's a straight stretch.  I know what I doing, " Sandra answered back while grabbing another handful of Doritos from  the bag on her friend Shelia's lap. Shelia, a comely little blonde turned back and said, "Hey, Jimbo. Want  some?"  I involuntarily smiled out of habit and simply shook my head.  I mumbled, "Fuck it." and stretched all the way out.  I was pissed.  I had been that way mostly for six months now.  I kept getting put in situations that weren't of my own making.  This was another of them.  I flopped over and closed my eyes.  

I couldn't believe I got talked into this ride across the state with my little sister who had become a total pain in the ass.  She had curtly corrected me when I called her Sam, her childhood nickname at Mom's house.  "My name is Sandra!" This statement set the entire tone for the Thanksgiving trip.  I was heading for the airport to catch my flight to Seattle when Mom took me aside.  

 "Sam wanted me to ask you if you would ride back with her.  She said she didn't get a chance to talk with you about things.  I wish you would go and talk with her.  She is having a hard time after breaking up with Dick. 

"Better not let Sandra, hear you call her Sam.  Come on, Mom.  I already have a ticket paid for and Julie is expecting me home this afternoon.  We won't get over there until way past dark if we drive."

"Please, she thinks you're  mad at her for breaking up with Dick and she told me she wants to talk about you and Julie."

"Since when did she want to talk with me?  She won't listen to anything from her big brother.  Besides, I think what she did to Dick was bullshit and I don't need any advice about Julie from anyone.  Jesus, I would rather have my teeth pulled without Novocaine than get into it with her.  Just the thought is giving me a gut ache." 

Next thing I know,  I am in the damn car, nodding and biting my tongue as I listened to Sandra's  top ten saddest hits.  Luckily, we picked up one of her friends, Shelia,  in Colfax which got me off the hot seat.  I had some plots about getting to know the cute  Shelia and would have gotten more into it in my dancing days. But those days were now a memory.  I got back into the routine.  Work, coach and get the late bus home.  Never any food made, just Julie stretched out reading and watching television stoned.  Same thing every night.  I did all the proper things.  I always started the morning fire, cooked us breakfast and we made love  once in a while.   I was civil.  I hid my inner turmoil well, I think. She had wanted me back and I had given her my vows but I wasn't certain, not one little bit,  about how it had all worked out.

I will never forget the look that came from Brenda when I told her I was heading back to Julie.  I could tell I had hurt her and hurt her badly.  She had no more than taken the big step of sharing her love for me and I had responded in that  way.  

"It's all about timing isn't it Jimbo?  This love thing.  We could have met some other time and some other place.  I hope you are always happy."  She left on those words.  I felt like a steaming pile of cougar shit.  I couldn't get her out of my mind for the entire trip home.  In fact, not an hour went by that I didn't replay that scene in my mind.  The hurt look that I had been responsible for was too much to bear.  I was haunted.  The giggles stopped my loop of thoughts.  I sat up.

The two girls were laughing as they put on some sunglasses on Sandra's dog, Barney, a nice enough little terrier mix who had gotten up and crawled in between them.  I checked the speedometer-still at 75.  I looked out the window and noticed we were on the down slope of Snoqualmie Pass.  I figured, with relief, this ride would be over in less than an hour.  The sun was nearly all the way down; the sky was covered in colors. "She probably has it on cruise."  I turned over and returned to thinking.  

"God, I don't talk to you much but did I do the right thing?  I would appreciate a sign, big guy. "  I heard the bumps before I heard the girls start screaming.  

"Oh, my God!  Oh, my God!" they were both yelling.

 I didn't have time enough to see anything. I only knew we were fucked.  I went into a tug position and was thrown around like a little mouse being tossed by a satisfied cat.   I heard glass breaking and felt the first flip, then another.  I was surprisingly calm.  "Well, here it comes.  Guess I'll  see how death feels." 

This carnival ride ended with a huge crash and I found myself looking directly at the swinging set of keys going back and forth.  I grabbed them and turned off the ignition.  The two girls were moaning and the dog was scrambling to find a way out.  I unhooked Shelia's seat belt and reached over and opened her door.  She fell out.  I went for Sandra's belt next and when I unhooked it I noticed a glob of red fall onto the sunroof which had been knocked loose.  I remember thinking, "God, I hope that didn't come from me." and then chastised myself for the selfish thought.  

I heard a voice. "Are you guys okay?"  It was two paramedics sliding down on the gravel with a stretcher.  One tripped  and slid for a few feet.  

"Get the girls.  I'm okay." I yelled to them. 

They loaded up Sandra and had her at the top of the cliff and were coming back down with the stretcher again.  I crawled into the front and stumbled out.  I took one step before collapsing.  My bad ankle, the one I hurt in baseball, wasn't up to holding any weight.  This didn't worry me.  I had felt that injury before.  I was energized like I had never been before in my life.  I surveyed the scene.  The car was only two feet high it seemed.  We had landed on a sand bar not more than a yard from the river.  I looked up trying to get my bearings.  My eyes zoomed  up and  I couldn't believe that is where we had come from.  It had to have been a ninety-foot drop.  All I knew was that I was alive so ankle or no ankle I was getting out of here.  

I started crawling on my hands and knees up the gravel, rocks and brush.  I was motoring, slithering up and cussing at the same time.  "A simple yes or no would have worked you celestial cocksucker!" I yelled to the sky as I shook my fist.  

 Are you still with me?  Part Four coming up soon.  

 First two are here:

http://open.salon.com/blog/idahospud44/2010/01/30/confessions_of_a_male_slut_friday_fiction

http://open.salon.com/blog/idahospud44/2010/02/05/confessions_of_a_male_slut-_part_ii