Dr. Spudman44

Dr. Spudman44
Tumbleweed, Washington,
June 06
Dr. Spudman's 44 Ripples of Hope Creations
BANNER BY RICTRESA I live on the border of Eastern Washington and Idaho. I have been a teacher, coach, and mental health worker. I make books for people and write some myself. I tutor a few people. Come visit me at my website. It has some cool stuff. Scroll down to links and click on www.drspud44.net


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Editor’s Pick
JUNE 15, 2010 1:01PM

Oh, My God, Candy Bombino Loves Me!

Rate: 33 Flag


Candy Bombino was one strong, tough girl and mature for her age, in all ways. She was only ten years old but she already had more than the beginnings of breasts visible beneath the same gray dress she wore almost every single day to Whitman Elementary school.  She was bulky, short and almost as thick as she was tall.  She wore dense wool socks that poked through her tennis shoes and her jet black hair was cropped short. Candy rarely talked and had a mean look that nobody, including the teachers, ignored.

She lived at the Children's Home orphanage with  over three dozen other kids  near the end of  Mill Road, a neighborhood we rarely ventured near. The Children's Home was a huge old building that sat up on a hillside, surrounded by very large untrimmed  trees and looked like something Edgar Allan Poe would have ordered built.  Scary place. 

We always picked her to join in our playground fourth grade football games. She could tackle anyone and if she got her stubby arms around some player he went down and hard.  More than a few guys couldn't get up for a minute or two after Candy smashed them into the hard dirt.  I urged her on as she pushed all of us on the merry-go-round. She would get in the middle of the ride,  grab the bars, grunt and  start running with her solid, strong legs and husky bottom supplying the momentum.  We all hung on for dear life as the merry-go-round reached speeds that made all of us dizzy. 


 The Children's Home where Candy lived

One day after one of these wild rides, the  lunch recess bell rang and all the kids jumped off laughing and ran toward the cafeteria for lunch.  It was a Friday and the lunch staff always served fresh cinnamon rolls on Friday.  I had misplaced my coat and was looking around for it when Candy came over and stood by me smiling.  I had never seen her smile before.  I didn't know what to say but after a pause said: "Thanks for the ride Candy.  You got us really ripping around today."  

She grabbed me in a bearhug and tried to kiss me on the lips.  I turned my head and she laid a quick flurry of smooches on my cheek. 

"I love you, Bobby. You are my boyfriend,"she said still smiling. 

Dad would give us the belt whenever we cussed at home but nevertheless,  my first thought was, "Holy shit!"  I knew I was in deep danger.  She could break skinny me over her knee if she wanted to.  I did the only sensible thing.  I ran like hell toward the lunchroom, and it wasn't because of  the cinnamon rolls.  She yelled after me, words that echoed all around the deserted playground. 

"Do you love me too?" 

Double holy shit!  Those words gave me a charge that almost sent me airborne.  I was flying and smacked my head into the metal door but that didn't stop me.  I was inside gasping for air and lost for what to do. I grabbed my sack lunch, chugged a milk and ran for home.  I didn't stop for any of the sixteen blocks , banged through the basement door and collapsed on the couch huffing and puffing like a bloodhound after an all-night coon hunt.  Mom was upstairs baking cookies and heard my less than graceful entrance.  She came hustling downstairs.  


"Bobby, what are you doing home so early?" she asked still carrying the wooden mixing spoon that had been used a time or two for other things besides mixing peanut butter cookie batter.  

"I threw up,  Mom.  Right after lunch.  I puked all over the slide outside.  So, I came home.  I don't feel so good," I lied.  

"Oh, dear.  Well, get on the couch and cover up.  Here, I'll turn on the TV." She smiled.  "I'll go get you a 7-up and some crackers."

I got on the couch and was immediately grossed out by some couple kissing on  As the World Turns.  I threw off the covers and turned the channel and found some Three Stooges reruns.  That was much better.  

Mom came down a few minutes later with the pop and crackers.  I confessed.  

"Mom, I lied.  I wasn't sick at all," I said.

"What happened then?  You can't skip school," she answered. 

I told her about Candy Bombino kissing me and saying she loved me.  She listened, nodded, smiled, and went back upstairs carrying the wooden spoon that luckily didn't find my butt.  I blew out some air and watched Moe smacking Larry and Curly around  when she called me upstairs.  

"Bobby, I have an idea," she said to me as I entered the kitchen.  




"What Mom?"I said. 

 "We're going to bake your little girlfriend some cookies."

"Bullshit!" jumped out of my mouth.  It was my older brother John's favorite word.  This got me a smack on the hand with the wooden spoon.  

"You watch your mouth, young man.  It will be nice.  Get the stool and let's get to work."  When I hesitated, she simply raised the spoon.  I got the message.  

We were mixing a huge bowl of batter and I was adding the chocolate chips when she spoke.  

"So, where does your girlfriend live?  Do you know?"

"Mom!  She is not my girlfriend!  She's a Children's Home girl."

"Oh, really?..."Why don't you like her?  Do you think she's  fat or homely?  Or is it because she lives at the Children's Home?" she said.

"I like her fine, mom.  She plays with us and she isn't fat.  She is super strong; stronger than any two of us.  She has this scary, mean look sometimes that would scare the devil, mom.  I don't want a girlfriend and kissing and all that junk...."

"Get out two more bowls from cupboard," she ordered.  

"How come?" I asked.  

"We are going to make a whole bunch of cookies and take them over to the Children's Home for those poor kids," she said and smiled.  

At that moment in time, I hated my mother.  

"What do you mean, "we", Mom?  I ain't going near that damn place."

SMACK...."Oh, yes your are.  Do you want me to take that spoon to your backside?  Get the bowls."

This was turning out to be one of the worst days of my life.  I looked at Skippy, our pet beagle,  sleeping underneath the kitchen table and envied him. 

We pulled up to the Children's Home in our Nash rambler and Mom straightened her hair and smoothed out her dress.  "Get the plates of cookies and be careful," she ordered.  I felt like a man in a western show walking up to his own hanging. 

"This is bullshit," I mumbled under my breath.  

"Say!  You watch your mouth," she said and started up the long set of stairs that led to the old mansion.  

I was balancing the cookie plates and moving as slowly as a slug on sleeping pills.  I actually heard dark  organ music in the background.  This was, without a doubt, not one of, but the single worst day of my life.  

Old, happy Mom was smiling at me as she knocked on the tall dark wooden door and waving for me to hurry up.  God, I hated her. 


The door swung open and a handsome, gray-haired man answered. 

"Good afternoon, Madame.  How can I help you this fine day?" he said to mom. 

"Bobby and I made some cookies for the kids and are dropping them off," my stupid mother said all happy sounding.  

"That is so kind and loving.  Thank you so much.  The kids will go wild over homemade cookies," the man said.  He was all happy, too. 

I handed him the plates  of cookies but Mom kept one.  He nodded and smiled at me.  I may never smile again, I thought.  

"Oh, one more thing, sir.  Could you have little Candy Bombino come down here for a moment?"  Mom asked, to my absolute horror.  

"Why.... of course," said the startled man.  I seriously doubt anyone in history had called her 'Little Candy' before.  

Mom glared over at me, evidently reading my mind.  The door creaked open and there stood "Little "Candy. Big Hunk would have been a better name. 

"Hello, Candy.  My name is Dorothy.  I am Bobby's mom and we brought these cookies just for you."  She handed the unsmiling Candy a full plate of cookies. 

Candy gave me her mean look and mumbled, "Thanks."  She turned and started to close the door.  

"One more thing, Candy.  I do not allow Bobby to have any girlfriends.  He is too young.  He really likes you and I hope you will understand.  His Dad and I just don't allow it," Mom said and Candy nodded. 

" 'Bye, Bobby," Candy said with a  smile.  

We got down the stairs and I grabbed my mother in a hug.  "Thanks, Mom.  You are the best mom in the world!"

"Get in the car.  You are grounded for the weekend.  You are to mow the lawn, and weed the entire garden by Sunday night and no TV," she said without looking at me.  

I didn't care.  "That was pretty smart mom,"  I said.

"Don't you ever doubt your mother again."  

Did I mention how much I love my Mom?  





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It wasn't her weight that was scary. She wasn't one bit fat. She was as strong as an ox. Her strength and her look were the scary parts.
Nothing like a strong woman.....at any age.
Your mom had it going on. Stealthy move for her to have given 'lil Miss Bombino the 411 on her views of "dating." This piece was a lot of fun to read. Thanks!
Excellent, Dr. Spudman. Excellent.
Your mom rocks, I am taking notes. Excellently told story. :)
Awww . . . your Mom was an awfully smart woman. And kind, too. This story is all kinds of sweet.
I bet now Candy is one of those women that matured into a beautiful woman who will maintain her beauty well into old age.

Ashley Graham, Sonam Kapoor, Daryl Hanna, Jessica Alba, Adhyayan Suman, Mischa Barton, Angie Dickenson and Jackky Bhagnani were all "large" children... 'course, you'd prolly not be interested in being with any of THESE chicks... ;~)

Great post, BTW.
She very well may have blossomed into a beauty. She disappeared the next year. I always liked her and was friendly. I did not mean to be insulting in any way. But she was the toughest kid in our school and the fact that she lived at the scary Children's Home was scary, too as we heard wild stories about the place. She was intimidatingly strong.
What a fabulous story. Hilarious. I could just picture little Bobby and his Mom. Such cute conversation between you when she was making the cookies. That place does look like something from Poe. You had me envying the beagle too.

"We pulled up to the Children's Home in our Nash rambler and Mom straightened her hair and smoothed out her dress." A perfect image. Helluva a smart woman.

It must be the day for thinking about Moms. xo
Your mom rules for saving your backside.

Ahhh the akwardness of youthful love. I had so many young ladies run from me in those days when I couldn't climb a rope...and broke pencils on a regular basis....and played DND.


Oh the memories.
This is diffidently EP Stuff Spud! Great writing!
What a great story. It reminded me of my first girlfriend but she broke up with me because I wouldn't walk her home from the bus. In my defence the Munsters was coming on and I didn't want to miss it. Ahh to be 6 again.
this was great.. I knew a Candy like her..
Your mother was one smart woman..
I wonder what candy is doing now..Hmm.. ever see that movie called Orphan?
I suggest you watch it and look under your bed tonight..:)
Rated with hugs
Regardless of where Candy ended up, I will bet every thing I own that no dog pisses on her roses.
What a wonderfully smart mom! What a great story. I love when I see the characters ( you were so cute I wanted to pinch your cheeks) and I can "see" the story as it happens.
Another great pick for an EP!
Those 50s moms had a side we didn't always appreciate; those cookies were a little crunchy. Great tale.
Love this. Like an NPR essay. Really wonderful writing, Spudman.
I love it! I remember you talking about helping make cookies with your Mom..that was you right? Anyway...

"I love you, Bobby. You are my boyfriend"!

* Only because I am having a sweet craving..nothing more..nothing less
"Don't you ever doubt your mother again." True mom words, great story. Thank you.
What a wonderful story._r
What a smart mom you had. All that, and she baked too. Great story.
we had a Candy like that, too. Grew into at least six feet of height. Played a small bit on the boys football team (what they'd let her play).

Great story. Great mom.
You're a born storyteller, Spud. My mom had a wooden spoon, too.
Just read this with my son. We both enjoyed it very much. He never knew a "Candy", but we bonded much over baking cookies together.
Congrats for the EP. ~R
Perfect ending to a perfect story.
Wow! I am humbled by all the comments. Thanks people. Your words of encouragement are like pearls to me. This place is so cool. I think up an old memory, write it out and put it out there. What could be better?
This was really good! Rated.
This is just another great story to add to all the others you've written. I truly enjoy your writing. Mother's are just wise. Yeah we are. :)
I've spoken to the dogs, and none are pissin. Nice post

'Gorgeous' is the first word that comes to mind (and I haven't read the other comments).

What an incredible, perceptive, creative Mom!
Great some more people came by. Thanks all. I have read all your words and enjoyed them. Glad you all liked this little memory. I see some new people here. I am in a coffee house, late work for me, so I can't get to everyone. But let it be known, your words are treasures.
Hey Spud, a little late. but I loved this story. You go, Mom!!! I didn't expect that - what a wise woman she was.
Trilogy--It is hard to keep up with all the action around here isn't it. Glad you enjoyed. Simple story.
Great story! Mom definitely done good. This really touched me.
Hey Spudman, Congrats on your most well deserved EP! Some of your best writing. Keep 'em coming!
don't you wish everybody had a mom as smart as yours was? i do. i really do. no wonder you write about her like you do.

great story, spud. congrats on the EP. this is the kind of piece that belongs on the cover. A+
This is wonderful, I wish I could rate it twice. An enjoyable read!
Really loved this. Your mom was a smart cookie.