Some of you have asked me how to manipulate Sirius XM Radio into getting past the $12.95 per month subscription rate.  Here is a transcript of a conversation with their customer service representative.

CS:         Sirius XM Radio. How can I help you?

YOU:    Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription to Sirius XM Radio.

 CS:        I'm sorry to hear that sir.  May I ask why?

 YOU:   You bet your ass you can ask why.

 CS:        ...

 YOU:   Oh, I guess this is the part where I ask you if you're going
                 to ask me why I'm calling to cancel my service...
                 this is just typical.  I swear, I'm THIS close to smashing my
                 radio and sending it back to you in a cardboard box. 
                What's your address?

 CS:        Sir, why do you want to cancel your service?

 YOU:   It's stupid.

 CS:       What?

 YOU:   The whole concept is stupid.  I bought it so I can listen to
                 Howard Stern every morning.  Now he's only going to be on
                 3 days per week, and his commercials are more offensive than
                 ever.  Apparently I need to buy more gold because the world
                 is coming an end. This is ridiculous --

 CS:        Umm...

 YOU:   I mean what ever happened to the days of "Sphincter-ine"
                 and "Bang Someone Else's Wife on AshleyMadison.com?"

 CS:        Sir...

 YOU:   Anyway, it's too damn expensive and I don't feel like paying
                 for it.  So cancel it.

 CS:        Sir, is there any way to change your mind?

 YOU:   No. I miss "Sphincter-ine."

 CS:        Sir, I've been authorized to offer you a one-time promotion --
                 5 months of service for $20.

 YOU:   Well, that's interesting -- not the deal, but how easy it is to get
                 a better deal... NO!

 CS:       I'm sorry to hear that sir.  I'll send you over to the
                cancellation department.

 YOU:   Thanks.

 CS:       Cancellation unit.  How can I help you?

 YOU:   I want to cancel my service. Now.

 CS:        I'm sorry to hear that sir.  May I ask why?

 YOU:   This is sounding familiar...
                WAIT A MINUTE -- IS THIS THE SAME GUY?

 CS:       Yes, sir.  I am the customer service department and the
                 cancellation department.  What can I say?  Things are bleak
                 for this company.

 YOU:   Wow, that's sad.

 CS:       You don't know the half of it.  My office is in Nova Scotia.

 YOU:   Wow.

 CS:       In a lighthouse.

 YOU:   Shit!

 CS:       Yeah, and I'm actually looking at a radar screen making sure
                nobody crashes into these rocks.

 YOU:    Oh, I'm sorry.  And to think I was just about to say
                  something very disrespectful about your mother...

 CS:        That's OK.  You wouldn't be the first.

 YOU:    Wow.  You're so pathetic I'm almost tempted to take you up
                  on that 5 months for $20 offer...

 CS:        Really?

 YOU:     No. You'd have to be an amputee or something. 
                   Plus, I'm a little pissed off that I'm not speaking to an American.

 CS:        Understandable.  This CAFTA thing is really working out
                 nicely for me.

 YOU:    OK, now you're pissing me off again.  I want to cancel.

CS:         Please don't.  I have kids... somewhere.  I don't know. 
                 Their mother doesn't like them hanging out on an island
                 in a lighthouse with me. She thinks I'll go all "Shining" on them.

 YOU:    But you're Canadian.

 CS:        I know!

 YOU:    Anyway, how 'bout that cancellation?

 CS:        I can give you the first three months for free.
                 Then I'll give you the 5 months for $20 promotion.

 YOU:    OK.  So 8 months for $20?

 CS:        Yes.

 YOU:    That's like $2.50 per month.

 CS:        Right. Plus, I'll give you a $10 credit for not saying anything
                  bad about my mother.

 YOU:    Sir, your mother is a gentleman and a scholar.

 CS:        Thanks.

 YOU:    So, eight months for $10? That's $1.25 per month. 

 CS:        Yes.

 YOU:    Are you sure?

 CS:        Yes.

 YOU:   OK, I'll do it.

 CS:      Good.

 YOU AND CS: (under your breath) sucker...