Ilya Shambat

Ilya Shambat
Location
Melbourne, VIC, Australia
Birthday
November 21
Title
Partner
Company
Adda Enterprises
Bio
Born in Russia, family moved to America when I was 12. Got a degree from University of Virginia at 18. Worked for Oracle, translated four books of classical Russian poety, was part of San Francisco and Washington, DC poetry and music scene. Good friends with San Francisco's own Persephone's Bees and acquainted with Patch Adams. Currently married with children, residing in Australia and working on a clean energy technology implementation.

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 9, 2013 10:18PM

Gender and Change

Rate: 1 Flag
For someone who wants to change the way that things are, the best path is a two-pronged approach. One part of it consists of deconstructing wrong attitudes and beliefs; the other part consists of leading by example to better outcomes. In the first case, the change is affectuated by showing people how wrong the entrenched beliefs are. In the second case, the change is affectuated by showing better conduct.

In handling my previous relationship and its dissolution, I have had any number of options. I could have very easily turned prosecutorial or misogynistic, as have any number of other people in similar situations; however I have a better vision of how the world should be. So instead I chose the path of forgiveness and reconciliation, which I recommend to other men in similar circumstances.

The other part of this has been to deconstruct wrong attitudes held both by men's groups and by toxic feminism. Believe me when I tell you that both of these know how to be convincing; and both of them are completely wrong. To claim one half of humanity to be evil is an outrage whether it's done in the name of men or in the name of women. Both sides are very strident and very aggressive; and both sides are completely wrong.

If the men's rights people are serious about their claims that women are evil, then why do they want to be with women? At least the men-hating women tend to become lesbian or asexual, which is more honest than wanting to be with a woman while also wanting to treat her like trash. In both cases we see an entire gender being demonized, and out of that consideration mistreated. In no way is this a way to have a livable world.

What does create a livable world? Well, for one part, compassion and understanding. With the exception of toxic feminists, this is a quality that we find more in women than we find in men; which means that, the more men practice it, the fairer and more balanced becomes the world. There needs to be more men showing by example how to deal with different situations in an honorable and compassionate manner, just as there needs to be more people of both genders deconstructing misogynistic claptrap. And on the part of women, there needs to be more basic goodwill toward men so that womanhood is not identified with harpyhood and that women present themselves in a better light, resulting in more people of both genders being willing to fight for their well-being.

Change must be affectuated at both the macro and the micro levels. At the macro level, one confronts the wrong attitudes in society; at the micro level, one applies better attitudes in one's own life. It's not just one or the other; it's both. The more people do that, the more meaningful positive change happens. And that benefits both genders and their interactions with one another.

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