The Meaning of My Life, the Purpose of My Life and Other Assorted and Useless Information
I am part of the hoi polloi on this planet…part of the masses of individuals born into consciousness…trying to figure out how to get meaning, put meaning, or even understand what meaning means. Enough to make one crazy and of course, the gods must even be crazy!
At the age of 16, I found the following quote in a poetry book:
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness, But life without meaning is the torture Of restlessness and vague desire-It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
Edgar Lee Masters
Until then, I thought that no one understood my restlessness and longing along with the vague, uneasy feeling that everything that I had experienced thus far seemed filled with anxiety and loneliness. Finally, a human who did not have the answer, only more questions and quests. So began my search for my holy grail…the meaning of my life. And by the way, I was like Perceval, was ignorant of the ways of life outside of Dover and still a virgin.
On my first journey outside of my village full of saints, sinners, and assorted misfits, I came into the land of freedom, city slickers, and sexual desire. While traversing this menacing maze, I spied a very illusionary chimera…me…looking into the mirror of learning, opportunity, and doubt. I continued the journey, but not before killing the chimera.
After experiencing the taste of death, I turned onto another path in my quest for the Holy Grail. I decided to follow the path of least resistance. Having met a handsome knight during my fight with the chimera, I joined with him in pledging my plight. Upon entering our covenant, we headed from the forest of learning into the wondrous world of wicked work. I still secretly searched for my holy grail.
After four years in the land of wondrous work and permitted sex, I decided to strike off on my own and find the holy grail by myself. I began to wander in the land of the single wilderness, but I was not alone on my path. Many monsters of the land had heard of my boldness and decided to follow me. Sometimes they followed at a distance, other times they hid in the low hanging branches of the trees, and at other times they banded together and attacked me with their voices in echoes and whispers. At times, I was very afraid and at other times, I wielded a borrowed sword left along the path. My journey continued.
I became a female warrior and took many side journeys in my search for my holy grail. I wandered all over the land of consumerism, and it was empty. I wandered all over the land of romance and sex, and it was edifying, electrifying, heartbreaking, and exhausting. I wandered in the land of religion to find many confusions and a Confucius. I wandered into the land of debt and found many creditors. I wandered into the land of guilt and found many reasons to be guilty. I wandered into the land of television and found many false prophets. I wandered into the land of politics and found many politicians, some with cigars. I wandered into the land of wine and found great wine sommeliers’. I wandered into the world of bad health and found great medicine. I wandered into the world of magic and found science. I wandered into the world of mystery and found truth. I wandered into the world of literature and found grace. I wandered as I wondered and wondered if I would ever find a path.
After many years of wandering with the borrowed sword, I found the God George Carlin on my road to Damascus and my continued quest for my Holy Grail. The God Carlin said as he tried to shine a light and burn a bush simultaneously, “Oh, pilgrim, the meaning of your life is to find a place to store your stuff.” I continued my journey and that bush never did catch fire.
Having got sunburn from the too bright, shining light, I wandered down a dark alley. In this alley, I found a tattered copy of a book by the god Kurt Vonnegut, a page opened and it read, “We are all here to fart around”! I puzzled at the collective wisdom of the written word.
Finally, after such illuminating epiphanies, I had to take a rest along the side of the road. When I rested my weary bones, I noted a hard edge putting stress on my posterior. It was a children’s old 45 record from the 1950’s. I was in awe. Maybe this was the Holy Grail. I saw an old record player near a Dempsey dumpster. So, I put on the record and low, and behold, the words were the following:
You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out;
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about!