They gathered by night. Discretely, a parade of large black SUVs with tinted windows periodically stopped near the Washington Monument (conveniently shuttered for repair) to each drop off a solitary passenger. Each one made his (as there were only two women attending) way into the Monument and to a secret elevator for a ride of 100 stories below street level. Upon disembarking, a driver and golf cart were waiting to ferry them to the final destination, through miles of well lit corridors and the real seat of power in the nation. It was here, from a ‘secure and undisclosed location’ that Dick Cheney had created policies his puppet George Bush then implemented which had enriched them and their closest allies beyond measure.
Now there was a different administration and a new crisis. They were all there- the 6 Dwarves – Gingrich, Perry, Paul, Romney, Bachmann, even that slut Santorum; Boehner and McConnell, Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia, Limbaugh and Beck, Roger Aisles, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin, a few generals, the heads of Xe (Blackwater) and Halliburton, and a large group of faceless men who were the real powers that be- the heads of mass media organizations, major corporations and financial houses which owned Congress.
Cheney brusquely set the order of business.
‘No time to waste. You’re all aware that our plans to dismantle the American public education system are working properly- more and more of the kids who even manage to graduate from high school are sub-literate, and completely ignorant about American and world history. That No Child Left Behind –teach to the test plan-was sheer genius- even if I say so myself. You media people are doing a fine job in dumbing down the American public- getting their attention focused on reality TV and pop culture trash. Keeps them from paying attention to what’s really going on in the country and how what’s happening in Washington affects them directly. How we got those morons in Ohio to vote for us back in ’04- when they knew once we won we’d put policies in place which resulted in them losing their jobs- don’t know how they could be so stupid. But fortunately they were.
‘Just goes to show- you can’t underestimate the stupidity and illogical behavior of the average American voter. These people don’t read a book in a year- except maybe the Bible, believe anything that ‘Authority Figures’ tell them, and can’t reason their way out of a paper bag. Otherwise- how else would you have all those old people who are collecting social security, medicare and what have you screaming about how the damned socialistic traitorous government better keep its hands off those programs. Gotta love the Tea Party.
The collected group all snickered in agreement.
‘They’re not a problem,’ Cheney went on. ‘And neither are the kids who spend all their time playing computer games and barely heard anything about the Bill of Rights in school- and forgot whatever they were told. The ones who think the Constitution is a new band or game- they’re our kind of people.
‘But there’s a small group that is dangerous. People who READ. People who write, publish things they share with others and who know history. People who see parallels from the past, who really do believe The Bill of Rights is sacred. People who can see past the smoke and mirrors and who think for themselves. These people pose a real problem for us, and that’s why I’ve summoned you here.
‘We can’t ban books- yet. And that internet thingy is a problem, but one we’re working on. But what we can do is make it harder to access books- especially for poor people.
‘Right now- we’ve got a large portion of the public angry at government workers- they think they’re coddled parasites- and probably un-American socialists as well . Great- we need to exploit that anger. Rush, you and Glenn start talking up how libraries are dangerous and a waste of public money. Librarians are government workers- what do they contribute? Why homeless people hangout there- and that free internet access- that’s stealing from the public- the good hardworking Christian Americans don’t want to see their hard earned money go to support all that. And the books in there- some are written by ATHIESTS- and COMMUNISTS and even MUSLIMS. Do they want to support that kind of treason? Of course not.
‘Now people with enough money can still BUY books, and pay for their own net access- but all that rabble who rely on the libraries will be out in the cold. Right where we want them. And we need to ratchet it up a notch. Roger- how about a campaign about how books are so last century- and how reading damages your eyes, gives you wrinkles or something. We need the American public to start looking at people reading, people with books as dangerous, as a threat somehow to their way of life. I know thousands of independent bookstores have closed- and even a few major chains. Jeff- great job there. And in a few places, library hours have been slashed and in some- thank you, Jesus- the libraries themselves have been closed. But we have to make it a national priority. We need to make Joe and Jane Sixpack look at libraries as dens of inequity which stand ready to corrupt the pure minds of their sweet, god fearing, innocent children.
‘Now I know it’s a challenge- but you all have proven by your past actions and comments that you’re up for it. We have to save America from itself. Destroy freedom to truly be free. Now get out there and do your best…
And so children- that’s how the Grinches tried to steal America. Will they succeed- or is all this the delusional nightmare of a paranoid mind? Only time will tell...