Irene Barnett's Blog

Left of Plumb

Irene Barnett

Irene Barnett
Location
Santa Barbara, California,
Birthday
September 23
Bio
Wherein I share some personal information with you in the 3rd party voice of Morgan Freeman – please adjust your internal audio accordingly. Irene Barnett is a working co-parent of twin boys named Drew and Sean. Her partner in the lunacy of raising children is Jim, a lovely, mild-mannered balance to her impatience, irritability and general weirdness. Irene is currently making the rent by assuming the identity of a high-powered executive for a software consulting firm that is based out of Seattle while she really tries to live the life of a writer in Santa Barbara, CA. Check out more of her rants at http://leftofplumb.com/

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JUNE 13, 2014 11:51AM

Fear And Loathing In Fatherhood

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Fatherhood.

I know less about fatherhood than I know about….well….motherhood. And I know next to nothing about motherhood.

Don’t tell my kids.

But, it’s Father’s Day so it seems that something needs to be said about those stalwart men out there.  The… Read full post »

I am an Oregonian. I say that with no small amount of pride because I love the Northwest in general and Portland specifically. That city is my soul mate. It’s inhabited by such a variety of humanoids that it sometimes smacks of the bar scene from Star Wars.

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I love… Read full post »

SPOILER BLOG!!! Turn away now if you are one of those people who have to experience shit for yourself instead of heeding the warnings of others. Close this down and jump off that bridge, fool. 

I have emerged from the deep, finally, after not posting for several weeks. Life gets in the… Read full post »

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Oh Cap’n, my Cap’n. I am sorely vexed.

I have recently heard what I had hoped was an urban legend - that the original recipe for my favorite weed-induced breakfast cereal has been changed.

I speak, of course, of Cap'n Crunch, Original flavor. Because I require Yellow Dye 5&n… Read full post »

APRIL 17, 2013 11:20AM

The Wall of Confusion

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I wanted to bring the funny this week, but I’m having a hard time with that.

I felt like I wanted to say something about the horrific violence this week but also felt like one more missive about it wasn’t going to necessarily help anyone.

But, it’s kind of like… Read full post »

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Play Freebird!! 

There is nothing weirder than kids. Except maybe parenting kids. That’s just Kim Jong Un weird. You know, unreasonable weird.

I don’t usually like to blog much about being a parent. It’s not that I have an issue with being a parent….who… Read full post »

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It was one year ago that I wrote my first blog post. I’d invite you all to an awkward first birthday party but I don’t know how to bake a virtual cake. Though I could probably figure out a virtual piñata of sorts.

All of this was really a grand… Read full post »

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I’ve been fortunate to have accidentally lived in certain cities during their heydays. In the 1980’s I was in Silicon Valley and San Francisco for the high tech and new wave music boom. 1990’s it was Seattle for Microsoft and the grunge movement.

I’m not sure exa… Read full post »

Im tired just looking at you.
I’m tired just looking at you.

I’ve been asked repeatedly over the years about why I am a working mother. Are we poor? Am I a narcissist? Is your husband a drunk or something?

Of course, the answer to all of these queries is YES. I am a… Read full post »

JANUARY 25, 2013 1:59PM

I Am An Oscar Whore

You see, I am a whore for the Oscars. I am. And, yes, I feel a level of shame in this fact. I’m not necessarily a beautiful, shorn, singing, consumptive whore like Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables. But a whore none the less.

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Wow, my life sucks.

I… Read full post »

I know there is a glut of Golden Globes commentary floating about the web-o-sphere. I also know that I couldn’t pass any opportunity to barf out my opinion if I tried.

I had a lady boner all night for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

(I will give credit where it is… Read full post »

It's not looking good, Linds.  Not.    Looking.     Good.

It's not looking good, Linds.  Not.    Looking.     Good.  

This past Sunday I watched The Dust Bowl by Ken Burns on PBS because that’s the kind of high-falutin’ broad I am.

I’ve always been intrigued by this piece of history because i… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 15, 2012 10:55PM

An Organized Day of Sloth and Gluttony

 Ah, Thanksgiving. It's the official kick-off of the holiday season. Or, as I like to call it, the start of my special 6-week alcohol bender cleanse.

I know this is a little early for a Thanksgiving blog but with the amount of tryptophan and vodka that will be coursing through my… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 7, 2012 6:41PM

My Election Hangover

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I am sure that I am far from alone when I exclaim that I FREAKING HATE ELECTION YEARS.  If I hear one more pundit who thinks I give a shit about what they think I’ll literally vomit.

I have often wondered what kind of person becomes a pundit anyway. Were… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 1, 2012 12:05AM

The Ghost of My Dead Film Career

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What, with it being Halloween and all, I figured it was time for a little visit to the dark side. I mean the scary, ghostlike dark side, not the whole excessive body hair thing I usually dive into.

Like the time my sister and I came home from school and… Read full post »

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I stopped going into an office every day 18 years ago, so I may be a bit of a pioneer in the field of remote working. At least that’s what I tell everyone because saying I’m lazy and anti-social just doesn’t have the impact I want.

I was fortunate enough… Read full post »

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So, with all the woes of the world, let me tell you the issue I am most outraged by and feel there needs more public awareness around.

My eyebrows.

I realize this may seem like a small issue to many of you but we all need a cause and mine… Read full post »

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None of you can possibly think that I could pass up the opportunity to comment on the rash of celebrity vomiting we’ve seen in the past two weeks. It would be no more possible for me to stop the flow of snark than it would be for them to stop… Read full post »

OCTOBER 6, 2012 11:35AM

The Gays Will Rule The World

The Revolution will be choreographed.

The Revolution will be choreographed 

Even this soon in my “career” as a “blogger” I have already pissed off several factions in this, the United States of Lack of Sense of Humor and Sarcasm. I figure there is no point in my stopping now.

So, I’ve been think… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 27, 2012 3:29PM

Andy Williams, Shelley Winters and Me

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I will blame this maudlin exhibit of nostalgia on two events from this past week: I had a birthday and my imaginary childhood husband passed away.

I could launch into a monologue about the Depression and the Great War. But, while I may feel that old, in reality I’m not.… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 19, 2012 7:05PM

Scenes From a Coffice

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INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Disheveled woman dressed in yoga pants and hoodie enters ramshackle coffee shop. It’s a slow-motion scene, reminiscent of a Scorsese film, as the Rolling Stones “Paint It Black” plays in the background.

I see them all looking at me slac… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 13, 2012 10:56AM

Confessions Of A Chronic Over-sharer

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“Everyone is wise until he speaks.”
~ Said by someone who has self control

Let me explain. As if I have to....

I come from a thick-skinned, sarcastic clan of Irish hooligans with excessive body hair who are masters at saying the wrong thing at… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 9, 2012 11:23AM

Ode to a Brave Husband

 Look Mama! I bagged me a keeper!

Look Mama!
I bagged me a keeper!

 This week’s blog is all about my lovely husband “Jim” (I still don’t believe that’s his real name). Today  we celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary.

And since I couldn't find what the appropriate gift was on the… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 5, 2012 4:02PM

Crazy Chicken People

 

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You’d never believe this but I have a couple of minor phobias. I know I have just shaken your world with that news flash.

So, let’s start with birds, shall we?

I actually like to watch birds as they soar through the sky and perch in… Read full post »

AUGUST 28, 2012 11:27PM

Hobo With an Attitude

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So, I have no doubt this post will cross some lines and incite some sort of riot….because that’s the kind of power I wield.

But, no matter how you feel about the plight of the homeless, our nation's Hobos need to learn some manners.

I will… Read full post »