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Left of Plumb

Irene Barnett

Irene Barnett
Location
Santa Barbara, California,
Birthday
September 23
Bio
Wherein I share some personal information with you in the 3rd party voice of Morgan Freeman – please adjust your internal audio accordingly. Irene Barnett is a working co-parent of twin boys named Drew and Sean. Her partner in the lunacy of raising children is Jim, a lovely, mild-mannered balance to her impatience, irritability and general weirdness. Irene is currently making the rent by assuming the identity of a high-powered executive for a software consulting firm that is based out of Seattle while she really tries to live the life of a writer in Santa Barbara, CA. Check out more of her rants at http://leftofplumb.com/

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JANUARY 25, 2013 1:52PM

The Golden Globes – My Lady Parts Are All Tingly

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I know there is a glut of Golden Globes commentary floating about the web-o-sphere. I also know that I couldn’t pass any opportunity to barf out my opinion if I tried.

I had a lady boner all night for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

(I will give credit where it is due right now – I got the term “lady boner” from the fabulous Jen at http://jeneralinsanity.com. I want it put on my gravestone when I die.)

I believe they are two of the funniest most talented women who ever walked on this crazy blue marble we call earth.

I am in awe of how many amazingly funny women we get to watch these days. Add in Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Zoe Deschanel, Leslie Mann, Rebel Wilson, Lucy Punch….I could go on and on, which makes me…well, get a lady boner all over again! Happy day!

Though, some observations did tend to kill my lady buzz, one of which was Mel Gibson. He appeared to either be highly medicated or just stricken. I believe he was paralyzed with fear being surrounded by a room full of Jews, women, African Americans, and any other group he has abused in the past.

Mel Gibson
There’s one behind me right now, isn’t there? Right…behind….me…..

Along with Mel, I’m going to give another thumbs down to Robert Downey Jr. As talented as he may be, he acts like such a giant self-obsessed tool that I can’t bear to watch him.

Which brings me to our friend Jodie Foster, who, in addition to choosing some odd friends, gave one of the most rambling WTF speeches since Mariah Carey at the Palm Springs Film Festival.

My two main thoughts around this are as follows:

Jodie, it is no longer 1985. You seem to think that any of us are sitting around our groovy condos wildly speculating about your personal life while drinking our micro-brews and wearing our hipster knitted caps. Unless we do it ironically, which is highly possible.

We knew you were gay when you were 10. So, either there is a parallel world were tabloids still care about this or maybe Ms. Foster is under the misguided impression that her sexual orientation is more interesting than Lindsay Lohan’s most recent arrest or the sex (and species) of the Kanye West/Kim Kardashian offspring.

BUT, my polar opposite second thought was that the piece about her mother was so beautifully delivered, so graceful and authentic, it made me cry.  Thanks for the emotional rollercosater J-Fost! Like I need more of those in my life.

Then there was Arnold and Sly. Wow. If someone made candles in the likeness of each of them, then burned it for 30 minutes or so, they would be the actual live them. I think their wicks were hidden under their toupees along with their little horns.

Then, just when I thought my buzz was forever rendered useless and sad, along came Will Farrell and Kristen Wiig. They did a take on Garth and Kat from SNL that was crazy funny! If the space-time continuum didn't exist, I would want to be their love-child

I thought Sacha Baron Cohen’s sarcastic slam on Russell Crow in Le Miserable was pure brilliance: “Russell Crowe had three months of voice training. Money well-spent!”

If I could just&.remove this sword from my thigh&I will plunge it into the chest of my agent.
If I could just….remove this sword from my thigh…I will plunge it into the chest of my agent.

And, as much as I want Danel Day-Lewis to be some sort of a freaky asshole, he just isn’t. He’s an eloquent and humble bastard, damn it!

Though, he has to be a challenge to live with what with all the Method acting. Imagine asking Lincoln to take the garbage out or have Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York mow the lawn.

Is that a gopher hole I see? I will defeat my enemies! Vengeance shall be mine you son of a whore!
Is that a gopher hole I see? I will defeat my enemies! Vengeance shall be mine you son of a whore!

I'm just saying that Mrs. Day-Lewis is a hell of a trooper.

There were many more noteworthy tidbits from the night but I don’t think any of us need me to ramble on and on. We had enough of that on Sunday.

(Though, Leah Michelle needs a spray-tan intervention, Lena Dunham needs to throw a couple of Dr. Scholls inserts into her shoes, Jennifer Lawrence was a little bit of a shit about Meryl but I love her anyway, and Anne Hathaway, can we all just agree to not say “blerg” anymore?)

Suffice it to say that I’m more than ready for the Oscars.

Seth McFarlane, do us all a solid and slip Ben Affleck in for Best Director, will ya? It’s the stand-up thing to do.

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funny, movies, tv, golden globes, comedy

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"lady buzz" huh? I thought that came from pink vibrators. :p .. I liked jodie foster in that movie Cosmos I think it was. about the alien race written by carl sagan. shes kinda before my time. maybe if she would take it one step further & introduce us all to a young hot girltoy, I could identify with & like her more. =)
crowe was awesome in beautiful mind. a beautiful movie!
for a good laugh, see that old move by gibson... WHAT WOMEN WANT! crazy stuff in retrospect man. hollywood is a bizarre world at times. sometimes I think even the hookers wouldnt want to sleep with him.... ! :p
How the Mighty Have Fallen.... he reminds me of schwarzenegger!! or tom cruise!! shadows of their former selves.... brought down by feminine wrath!! deservedly so I guess...