This is the tenth post in a series about my past relationship with the man I mentally refer to as The Beast.

LMS stared at me through the glass partition. The moment seemed to last an eternity. I don't think I will ever forget that moment. So many other details might be forgotten but that moment...that is etched in my memory.

I could actually see his thoughts and feelings flit across his face. Even though it felt like forever, I realise the moment lasted no more than a second or two.

At first I saw shock, then annoyance, then calculation. I realised, almost dispassionately, that he was figuring out how to handle this. He chose anger and attack.

"What are you doing here?!" he demanded.

When he said those words he looked at me with an expression of utter loathing. Like I was some repulsive creature who'd invaded his space. I felt afraid and also very relieved this was not a contact visit. I thought he would physically attack me if he could.

That finally shook me out my near trance-like state. I practically yelled at him that I knew everything and I wasn't going to let him get away with it.

I told J we should both leave but she wanted to talk to him. He sensed her weakness and he pounced - completely focusing on her, saying her name over and over and begging her to listen to him. He urged her to ignore me. All this time I was spitting out my anger and hurt at him. He told me to get out but I continued raging at him. He looked around wildly and got up to fetch a guard, saying he would have me thrown out. I told J that I would wait for her outside and I left.

 I walked back through the corridors, feeling like I wasn't real, nothing was real. I did my best to look calm and collected but judging from several puzzled glances thrown my way I don't think I succeeded. I got outside and walked over to H's car. I asked her to come with me as there was someone I wanted her to meet. As she locked up the car I told her who it was. H was astounded. She didn't know what to say.

We stood outside the entrance, in the unseasonably warm sunshine, waiting for J. Then the anger really hit me, with an almost physical impact. For the first time in my life I thought it might be possible to actually explode with rage. I thought I'd been angry when I confronted him but that was mild compared to the intensity of the emotion that swept through me then.

All those months of loving him, trusting him and doing everything in my power to help him. All the agony, worry and misery. My intense and unfailing loyalty. All that...for that monster I had just seen. I'm not exaggerating when I use the word monster. I saw nothing human in his eyes.

I paced up and down, swearing and raging. I used the most vile swear words I could think of...and a few I think I made up on the spot. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to bleed. He should suffer like he made me suffer. My rage was unstoppable.

We stood there for about 45 minutes until J finally came out, looking sick and dazed. She walked over and I introduced her to H. She told me she no longer knew what to think.

I said, "Let me guess. He said I was crazy, that he'd ended our relationship but I wouldn't leave him alone."

She nodded and confirmed that was pretty much what he said. He'd apparently said a lot more but she was too tired and confused to go into it then. We exchanged contact information and agreed to talk to each other soon.

I told H that I couldn't be alone and asked her to stay with me a while longer. We drove to the Waterfront and went to a restaurant for lunch. We talked it over from every angle we could think of but it still didn't seem real. I believed it but I also didn't believe it. It just didn't seem possible this could have happened. What kind of person would do what he did?

Writing this has taken a lot out of me, more than I expected. But I still feel I need to do this; that it's part of the healing process.

In the next post I'll reveal the very informative phone conversation I had with one of his sisters. And I'll discuss the amateur detective work I did in a bid to find some more information and hopefully work out why he did what he did.