This is a rant. I just want to get something off my chest, without being oh-so-careful about everyone else's feelings.

I am tired to my very core of being polite and patient with people who talk to me at length about their religion/faith and who, knowing of my struggle with depression, tell me about how they pray for me. I know they care about me. I know they only want what's best for me. I know they mean well.

But.

I simply do not want to be prayed for. I do not want to listen to long passionate stories about the power of prayer and God's grace. Being prayed for does not help me. Listening to someone else's joy at finding the Lord does not help me. Listening to all that well-meaning advice and comfort does not help me.

Why not?

Because it's not what I want. It's not what I need. They're giving me something they think I need, something they believe in and that helps them. It doesn't occur to them that it might not be what I want and need.

So what do I want?

Peace and quiet. The luxury to switch off. Being in a space where I don't have to reassure people I'm ok simply because I'm not smiling or I'm quiet. The acknowledgement that I don't believe in religion and the power of prayer and that's ok because it's what I feel. Being asked what I need.

I know I have to say what I need. I know I have to tell them. I know that much of this pressure to be polite comes from me. I know all this. It's something I've started working on in earnest in therapy.

But for now...I just needed to say that I'm tired of being prayed for. Really. I am.