Once again, the urge to rant has possessed me. I don't know if it's because my meds are being adjusted, that I've reached a crucial stage in therapy, that I'm tired after a long year or simply because I feel like it...but I really want to have a general rant about lots of things.

 Rant #1

I would like to use a flamethrower on motorists who:

1.1. Do not allow pedestrians right-of-way when the freakin' little man is green!

1.2. Throw a wobbly when they're expected to wait five.freakin'.seconds. so that the taxi can pick up someone who most likely has a two-hour hellish commute ahead of her. Yeah you in your air-conditioned, power-steering, airbagged, cup-holder strewn luxury vehicle with the plush leather interior! I'm talking to you!

Rant #2

I want to wield my sharpened pencil like a katana  against the person who used cutesy-pie words like "kidz" in a freakin' business email that was sent to everyone in our department!

Rant #3

When will the fashion industry realise that being fat doesn't mean women want to wear shapeless sacks that make us blend into the woodwork? Some of us actually like our bodies. We like looking attractive. We like clothes that fit and don't want all our clothes to billow around our bodies like unsecured tents. (Wait a moment now. Hear that popping sound? That was the sounds of heads exploding at the mere thought that fat women are, you know, women.)

Rant #4

People I want to punch in the back of the head. Repeatedly. With extreme prejudice.

4.1. When you step off an escalator and you're not sure where to go next - step aside first and then find your bearings. Otherwise all you do is cause a pile-up behind you as people frantically try to step around you before they're catapulted off the damn moving staircase!

4.2. People who stand right by the lift doors (and bus, train and taxi doors), thereby making it next to impossible for the people inside to get out first.

 4.3. People who act like public transport is a misnomer (especially applicable to minibus taxis). News flash: other people in the taxi also need to get to their destinations. You're not the only one.

4.4. Slow walkers who meander back and forth across busy walkways, thereby preventing the fast walkers (specifically...me) from passing your slow asses. Pick a lane dammit! Pick a lane!

Rant #5

People making these statements deserve a stinging smack to the side of the head for sheer snobbish asshattery.

5.1. "Oh I never read fiction."

5.2. "Oh I never watch television."

5.3. "Oh it's science fiction."

Rant #6

Statements guaranteed to make me want to reach for the nearest object capable of cracking skulls.

6.1. "People who support animal rights care more about animals than people."

6.2. "Homosexuality is a sin/unnatural/a lifestyle choice."

6.3. "You can only be happy if you want to be happy. You mustn't give in to depression. Think positive thoughts. Your attitude determines your altitude." (And various other vomit-inducing platitudes.)

I have many more rants but I'm suddenly really tired. Being a bitter, dried-up, humourless spinster badly in need of a shag takes a helluva lot of energy. (Surprisingly, that's a little-known fact.) I'm now going to take one of my working-hours open-eyed naps. The bosses will never know.