Back in January ( I can't believe it was so long ago) I wrote a post on how I was slipping back into depression. Well, things only got worse after that. I was seriously considering asking for Electroshock Therapy or Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation - that's how desperate I was.

 My therapist told me, "Get thee to thine psychiatrist!" (only using modern vernacular, of course).

 So I went to my psychiatrist, not expecting much. Every antidepressant (SSRI, SNRI and tricyclic) I'd tried only worked for a few months (at most) and then I'd crash. Horribly.

She and I had a long talk about my history and she reviewed my past three years of drug use - the positives and the negatives and the pattern that had eventually emerged.

"You have atypical depression." she told me.

"I think you have Bipolar Depression." she added.

The funny thing is, I was relieved to hear that, almost happy in fact. Why? Because I felt like I'd thrown every single weapon in my arsenal at Major Depression and nothing worked long-term. No matter how much hard work I put in, prolonged episodes of deep depression always recurred.

Now, it seems, I've been battling the wrong foe. No wonder the drugs only worked for a short while. No wonder I kept slipping back into depression. I could also put some past experiences in context - episodes in my life where I acted impulsively, in ways that were out of character, taking risks I would never (in normal circumstances) take.

My medication was changed immediately. I am currently on Lamotragine and Seroquel. My daily dose of Lamotragine is being increased slowly, every two weeks. So far, I'm doing ok. I feel better than I did before. My only complaint is that the drugs make me very sleepy and I'm finding it almost impossible to get up early in the morning, no matter how early I go to sleep the night before. But even that is slowly improving so I look forward to losing the "zombie effect" sometime soon.

For the first time in a long time the light at the end of the tunnel is not that of an oncoming train. I know that Bipolar Disorder has its own set of challenges but now I have hope. The next few months will test my nerves. I know I'll worry that after a few good months I'll crash again. But I also have other options now and that is a good thing.

Thank you to all who made the time and took the effort to write me encouraging messages. I really appreciated everything you wrote. Let's hope that from now on I can write about how my life has improved. That, and my thoughts on the Football World Cup in South Africa. :-)