I did not know fear.
When I was a child and teen, this world was my natural home, the universe my stomping ground. I dreamed without limit, and my dreams caught fire.
As a young adult, I thought I could do anything—and I usually did. I was something nearly or seemingly indestructible. No fear! Perhaps a touch of stupidity… but no fear.
I first began to know fear much later, when I fell in love and got close to the person I would share my life with—that is, when I had something to lose. A life built together. A home. Our dreams. And the little ones who would join us.
Suddenly the fluid, whimsical nature of the universe that I loved for so long became, in my mind, precarious. Random.
For some time I feared the Random—it is just so easy to emerge from the web of life and be absorbed back into it, through circumstances beyond our control.
I looked up the word fear. The Merriam-Webster Definition of fear is: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.
The origin of the word, which I always love to study, comes from: Middle English fer, from Old English fær (sudden danger); akin to Old High German fara (ambush) and perhaps to Latin periculum (attempt) and Greek peiran (to attempt).
It was that last part that caught me -- the word fear being related to the word attempt.
Perhaps fear is not only an awareness of danger. It resonated with me that we fear when we attempt to live, to love, to dream, to act on dreams. Somehow I found that comforting. It helped me put fear in its place.
Listen: Love is strength.
After some years I learned to live in love, to trust with the faith of a grown-up that life is merciful, that we are eternally safe, and that no matter what scars might befall our hearts, all would be well. Nothing is lost in this universe.
So live. When you experience fear, feel it, respect it, and then try to move beyond to do what you can, when you can, to keep those dreams burning. Make your attempts.
Follow your dreams. Trust in God and the universe. Trust yourself. Make a journey for your soul. And don’t wait for every detail to be nailed down. Meet your miracles halfway.
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Comments
My oldest has a little of the "fear of the dark" in her - as many children (and adults) do. I was fascinated with the thought that in the first few verses of Genesis, the writer associates formlessness and chaos with darkness. God says, "Let there be light," and the light is deemed to be "good". The darkness is nowhere deemed to be "good".
This would seem to me to tie in with your observations about fear, and its definitions. It is difficult to know where we are when confronted with chaos and randomness. The dark would hide such sudden dangers.
Encouraging advice, thank you.
Two years ago on the New Year, my sister sent me an arrangement of quotes/sayings called 45 Lessons in Life. I don't know who to give credit to for this quote, as it did not say, but #38 has never left me since that time.
"All that truly matters in the end is that you loved".
Can life be any more simpler or meaningful?
"Speaking of fear, you so rightly point to the relation between fear and 'attempt.' As a survivor of a traumatic childhood, fear arises frequently in me and can be quite debilitating. One of the techniques I've been working with is letting fear transform into excitement. It doesn't always work and isn't always appropriate, but I've found this can be very freeing. Instead of resisting and dreading some perceived danger, I (sometimes) manage to acknowledge it's more like a roller coaster ride. It sure can be bumpy and dramatic, but not life threatening.
I'm not sure this has been helpful, but I hope so."
But other fears I didn’t outgrow. Ever since I was young the world felt like a scary place. I know now that it came from being a highly sensitive and introspective child who also got the message that it wasn’t safe for me to be afraid. Kids made fun, and adults, even well-meaning ones, would dismiss them as frivolous or get impatient because I wasn’t easy to placate. So not only was I afraid, but I came to believe I was a bad person for being afraid, too, and spent a long time envying people who I perceived as fearless.
But the point I’m trying to make, and it took me years to understand this, is that being afraid isn’t bad. It’s not fear that cripples us, it’s how we deal with it. I spent a very long time feeling that I would only feel good about myself once I could conquer my fear. I heard all the platitudes – “do the thing you fear and you won’t be afraid” – well guess what, I was still afraid. And the voice I internalized as a child would come up, “see, I told you so.” And I would stop and hold back and let it have its way.
I also didn’t know from anything different, so I had no other reference. When I started to understand that I wasn’t a bad person for being afraid, I still couldn’t believe it. Even when I saw how I was able to move ahead in my life in ways I hadn’t been able to before, it was like I was looking at another person.
Nowadays when I’m afraid, I may still hold back. But I also say, “I hear you and I acknowledge you and I know you’re scared and it’s okay.” It has made a world of difference.