December 7, 2011
Enjoying the desert. Enjoying time away from regular life. It is precious time and we have found a place that compliments both my husband’s and my sensibilities. I like it when life can be simplified a bit. Boil it down to the basics. Beautiful scenery, clear blue skies during the day, starry nights. Errands run with my bike, lunch with my husband and a soak in the hot tub. Last night we went to the Resort up the road for Taco Tuesday. We both love a bargain. And I even got him to play cards with me while we sipped on our happy hour drinks. Life is good.
I am terribly grateful this week that life feels good. I am particularly conscious of the fact that I am feeling content and even energized by being in this place that has history for me and my family. There was part of me that was afraid I just wouldn’t feel at home here anymore without my Mother. I told my husband yesterday it is such a strange thing. Over the years visiting my Mom here it would cross my mind that this place would be here for me in my later years. And wouldn’t that be nice. But then your parents are gone and it is not the same place at all. My Mom made the experience here. It was the place where I occasionally had her to myself. Where the two of us developed a schedule over the days of cooking and renting movies and visiting with neighbors. She brought a certain energy and anchor to my experiences here. And I miss that. I feel her in the kitchen and know her hands shaped everything around me. As much as I miss her though, her mark on this place also brings me comfort. And as I try to keep things up now, I wonder how she would like them.
The hard cold facts are that it is up to me and my husband and my family to begin making new memories here in this beautiful place. There is a lot of life to live still and this is still an incredible place and we are lucky t have it available to make more memories. Thirty five years ago my grandparents made an investment, and here I am enjoying a break from busy life to still reap the benefits of their hard work and wisdom. It is a bit different in some ways, but very much still the same.
Yes, I miss her presence. I half expect to see her shuffle out from the back bedroom in her fuzzy slippers and terrycloth robe that zips up the front. Heading for the coffee pot, pulling up the blinds and looking out the window over the sink at the Indian Head mountainous landscape. She had to do the same thing I am doing now. Learn to still live and love life without your parents’ guidance or presence in your life. But to appreciate what they left to you, whatever that is. The love, the guidance and perhaps a little spot in the sun just for you to enjoy in your own old age. I guess I’m feeling pretty blessed this morning. And grateful for feeling blessed.
We hope to hang some curtains in the guestroom. Curtains my Mom made for my first home I bought for myself some 10 years ago. And I’ve bought matching bedspreads for the twin beds. I think she would be pleased to see her handy work put to use here in the desert. And then to be enjoyed by a couple of dear friends planning to visit us here in paradise.
Sending some love and laughter out to those I love and anyone who needs it today…