Good Grief & On to a Wish to Wander...

Life's journey of loss, introspect and a yearning to wander

Ivy Anne

Ivy Anne
California, USA
September 15
Me? Hmmm... just a girl who is often locked in my own head with too many thoughts rolling around. Trying to figure it out. Hoping to find a peaceful place in my own heart, in my own skin. Wanting to do it right. Whatever that is. Seeking to find my ultimate passion in life. Looking to experience life with a more open mind and a see things more with my heart than my head. These days needing to figure out how to walk through loss, head-on. Come out the other side with more, not less of myself. Wanting to stretch, not hide inside myself. So I'm venturing out. I lost both of my parents to cancer in the last two years. Most recently Mom. So part of surviving this is to write my way through it. Posting here, selfishly, hoping someone is listening and might understand what I'm trying to say.


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DECEMBER 15, 2011 11:20AM


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December 15, 2011


I went to see a new friend and teacher yesterday.  She teaches Qigong in this little town I am visiting and also practices Acupuncture.  I enjoy her attitude and energy.  She appears to be a pretty happy soul.  Her age is hard to determine.  Many clues would lead me to believe she must be in her 80’s.  However, her energy, nimble body movement and bright eyes indicate a much younger person.  When I am in the presence of someone that seems like an old soul I try to take my Father’s advice in life, which is that I would do well to listen more than I talk.

So this is what I heard from what she said, and what she did not have to say, but was evident in everything about her.  Keep life simple.  You don’t need a lot of material wealth to find comfort and satisfaction in your life.  Do what you love and believe in.  Look inside more than outside yourself.  Recognize that it is within your control to plant the seeds in your mind to feed happiness and positive thoughts and minimize the negative.  Notice your “monkey mind”, busy, busy, busy and work on taming that mind every day.  Find what feels right for you and do that thing.  Remember it is a slow process of understanding yourself and this life.  Be patient with yourself and be open to new discoveries that will open doors and reveal new paths and opportunities.  Remember, life is an adventure and best lived without a pre-planned itinerary.  The more you are present in the moment, the more you will reap the highest benefit from the journey.

I’m sure this wise woman’s life has complications like the rest of us.  And that she battles her own daemons.  But the overriding essence of her life force is one of being a pretty satisfied human being.  I’ve come to believe that is a goal worth achieving. 

My husband and I came to Borrego this year with some high expectations.  I was going to read multiple books and sink into a level of relaxation and separate from my busy, stressful schedule.  Eat healthy, exercise and lose a few pounds.  He was determined to turn around his golf game.  The time has passed too quickly and our goals left somewhat unrealized.  I feel like I may have scheduled too many daily activities to really get where I wanted to be mentally and physically.  My husband has not really felt physically good most of our trip here with chronic sinus problems causing nausea, headaches and restless nights with not much sleep.

Still, it has been a nice respite and change of pace for us both.  Not everything we had anticipated, but still a very nice opportunity to get away.  It’s all in your outlook and recognition of the gifts.  I have discovered new things about this place I love and about myself.  I've discovered more of a community of people that make this a healing and year ‘round home for themselves.  I pop in and out a couple of times of year and reap the benefits of what they contribute to all year long.  That is a gift for me, a gift of healing, retreat and potential growth.  And I take some of this home with me in a couple of days as we return to our regular life, which is pretty good itself! 

I want to try to remember to keep my expectations reasonable on a day-to-day basis.  To take care of myself and bring a little bit of the serenity I have enjoyed with me to help get me through my days with a full and hopeful heart.

Sending out the same to you.

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