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Consistently Godawful Writing

jay busse

jay busse
Location
Sonoma, California, U.S.
Birthday
January 04
Title
Idiot Savant
Bio
I'd like to write something new and fun. But I'm drawing a blank. How do you draw a blank? Is it the simplistic beauty of the blank page?

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MAY 25, 2009 5:41AM

A Cure For Cancer Discovered/The End of Mankind Nears

Rate: 11 Flag

A butler slides the heavy wooden doors open. Doctor Julian Mercer bursts into the ornate office, excited, clutching a pill bottle as though it contained life itself.

"Dr. Rolle I've done it."

"What have you done Julian?" Dr. Rolle sinks gingerly into a plush chair. Even as the fingers of night give way to the dawn, it's obvious Dr. Rolle is frail, gaunt.

Handing Dr. Rolle the bottle.

"And what are these pills?" Dr. Rolle smiles warmly towards Julian.

Julian can't contain himself.

"Not pills really. Nanobots, they work. The pills disolve releasing the microscopic bots into your system. I programmed them to fix you, cure you. They work. I tested them in the lab. These are programmed for pancreatic cancer, they go right to it and clean it out. Like gentle sand paper. I'd use bigger words, but why with you?"

"Amazing Julian I knew you'd do it. Should I take one? Does the FDA know?" Dr. Rolle gazes into the fireplace.

"Of course not, I mean yeah, take one. I just got them to work, you'd be dead waiting for the FDA."

"Nanobots. What a world, what an invention."

"Starting with you. Think of the lives these'll save. I can program them to deal with almost any disease. Once they're in your system they can clean heart valves, lungs, anything."

"I'm sorry I can't be more excited Julian, it's the drugs and chemo."

"You trust me, take one."

"I do trust you Julian. That's why I knew you'd make these work. Microscopic machines, beyond H.G. Wells, beyond fiction. You've done an amazing thing."

Dr. Rolle opens the bottle, puts a pill in his mouth and washes it down with a snifter of cognac.

"They'll clear out the cancer in about a week. The batteries last two. I can re-program them to do a full scan of your systems in the second week. You can live indefinitely."

"You'll be famous, revered. I'll see to that."

The dawn pushes back the shadows, yet Dr. Rolle remains forlorn, focused on the light pushing through the shades.

"Julian, it's not time for this, it's too late or too early."

"Don't worry, they work. You'll be fine."

Dr. Rolle pulls himself from the chair and makes his way to his desk.

"You'll feel worse before you feel better Dr. Rolle."

Wearily, warily Dr. Rolle answers, "Julian, you are a great scientist, a great inventor. So were many that have gone before. The industrial revolution, medical advancements much less than this all contributed to humanity... being able to spread."

"I don't understand."

"Life Julian, you focused solely on saving life. Admirable, but myopic."

Dr. Rolle pulls a .45 automatic from the desk drawer, carefully aims.

"It's for the best Julian, I'm sorry." Hands shaking, he fires... again and again and again.

Placing the gun on the desk, he doubles over, tears bouncing off the gun.

Pushing himself away from the desk he gazes through the tears at Julian's lifeless body. Dr. Rolle's contorted features scream he's sorry.

He falls to the floor and pulls back the carpet, revealing a safe. Shaky and crying he struggles with the combination... it opens. He pulls out documents, pulls himself to his feet and makes his way back to his desk.

Collapsing in the chair, he throws the papers on his desk and picks up the phone.

"Dr. Rolle. You check the fucking clearance, wake him".

Dr. Rolle picks up one of the papers, staring at the first page: Cancer Will Be Cured and Here's How and When" By Calvin Rolle MD.

"Yes, Greg, it's me. It's over. It's all over. Julian fulfilled my prophecy, he's dead. I killed him... Fuck national security, I killed Julian. Clean the lab and get people over here. It's over... I don't give a shit about me. Make sure Julian is taken care of."

He slams the phone down, picks up another paper and reads: Stabilizing Human Population Through Mass Waterborn Sterilization by Dr. Calvin Rolle

Dropping the paper he picks up a pen and writes:

Greg,

Julian died thinking he had saved humanity and me.

I may have given humanity a reprieve from his brilliance.

Burn everything.

Cal

Dr. Rolle contemplates the .45 automatic in his hand.

Vehicles with government license plates speed past the entrance to Dr. Rolle's expansive estate.

A single, lonely, gunshot rings throughout the estate...

 

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BRILLIANT!!!

(rated)
Intense ... Well Done. --rated--
Thanks for the positive feedback.

I'm striving not to be godawful.
Stunning.

Rated
It's not god awful!! Congrats!! ;)

Rated.
Not only is this not godawful, I can assure you that this very thing is *very* close to becoming a reality. This is called "disruptive technology" because for as much good as it can do, if put in the wrong hands, it can also be used for evil purposes. Like poisoning an entire water supply. Well written. Rated.
I hoped this would show the duplicity... at once hailed as a great scientist/savior and the future death.
Thanks Tink and cartouche.
Good twist on the "Sorcerer's Apprentice" theme. At this point, I have to add that I'm sort of viewing Obama in this same light; what have we done?

RATED
I think so Peter. The technology is very close to becoming reality.
Thanks Rick... I have to agree. Right now Obama is not what I expected.
Thanks for your comment New Blog.
I love this. I've always loved the conflict that you create in your writing.
Thanks Roger... however, the conflict is always there, it just needs to be brought out.
this is really fucking good. i could find some things to criticize (ha! because it's what i do as an editor!) but there's no need.

i know you're making a point here. but continue writing the story. i hope it's a story anyway, and not just a cleverly-crafted point!

i don't have time to read everything i want to on OS and i'm glad you sent an email (I wish more people would. i can't be on here 24/7 watching the feed -- tho i think it'd be a great way to spend the day -- and i miss so many of my friend's posts). Next time, however, remember to include the link -- i'm not even sure this is what you wanted me to read.

but i'm glad it's what i picked.

while reading, i even gasped -- really. I said aloud, "no!" you built suspense.

nice.
Thanks Cindy. I haven't discovered a lot of discussion here on writing.

I'd welcome a critique. I wrote this story as a place holder. I like the idea and think it could be easily expanded.

As it stands right now I'm trying to re-examine/re-write the three longer works I love (since those are the only one's worth putting time in and I am passionate about). And I like to keep writing current ideas as well... like this.

Most of the comments here focus on topic. Although all my writing was called godawful the other day. I didn't find this constructive.

If you'd like to pm me your thoughts I'd appreciate it.

Thanks again,