[ The graveyard of St. John's Priory next to the chapel. PUCK, POPPY, TOADFLAX, HAREBELL, YEW, BUD, FOXGLOVE and YARROW are gathered around a tombstone.]
This is the grave of Bandar, the changeling!
Here lies the boy King Oberon did nab!
Much did the world quake from that quarreling!
Could this be the hideaway of Queen Mab?
[ An OWL HOOTS four times.]
Who! Who! Who! Who!
[ The fairies scramble and hide behind tombstones and trees. Dry leaves blow across the stage. ]
[ She ventures out and WHISPERS.]
[ All the fairies creep out from their hiding places.]
[ Answering Puck, whispering.]
Many a night this site she was last seen.
Rested here the carriage of Mab, The Queen.
[ A CREATURE off stage GROWLS four times.]
Grrr! Grrr! Grrr! Grrr!
[ The fairies stifle their SCREAMS, fall all over each other as they rush back to their hiding places. POPPY pulls PUCK behind the tomb of BANDAR because PUCK has trouble moving the direction he wants to. Dry leaves BLOW across the stage from the opposite side this time. After a moment of silence, YARROW ventures out again.]
[ The fairies come out and gather aound BANDAR'S grave. PUCK inspects the monument carefully. He finds something.]
[ Holds a tiny splinter high, arm stretched out fully.]
Alas! Queen Mab's scepter! Puck knows thee well!
Oft' this royal staff hath flogged my head to hell.
And found a sepulchre inside this skull.
The book of Puck's brain it doth nightly gull!
[ A shadow moves across the stage. A crow CAWS four times.]
Caw! Caw! Caw! Caw!
[ The fairies dash to hide, torn between fear and looking foolish for being so afraid. PUCK peeps from behind the tombstone, shakes his head in shame, rests his face in his arms folded atop the stone. The fairies giggle, then get defensive.]
What if it had been Mab?!
What if it had been Oberon?!
[ Puck melts in shame, slowly sinking back behind the tombstone. He emits a LOUD YOWL and pops back up playing an electric guitar.]
[SINGING to the tune of John Lee Hooker's BOOM! BOOM!]
Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
Gonna scare you right now!
Right outta your seat!
Make you scared of me!
Put you in a haunted house!
[ All the fairies join in and dance like Frankenstein.]
You blow my mind!
When you walk
Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
Howl. Howl. Howl. Howl.
Growl. Growl. Growl. Growl.
Hear the snappin' twig!
Hoot. Hoot. Mr. Owl!
Flip your wig!
Throw in the towel!
Get scared tonight!
Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
Love to scare you!
Love to scare you, baby!
Love to see you run!
Run away from me!
Chasin' you is fun!
Run away from me!
Come on! Come on!
Wanna scare you some more!
[ Puck and the fairies suddenly hush and hide again.]
Enter LEDA and LEONARDO. LEDA clings to LEONARDO for dear life. LEONARDO is HANK'S identical twin.]
I heard singing!
I heard it too.
Where are the monks?
[ PUCK pops back up from behind the tombstone wearing a monk's clothing, adjusting the rosary around his suddenly large waist and rubbing his newly bald head. LEDA and LEONARDO do not see him yet but they hear the fairies GASP, GIGGLE and WHISPER.]
[ LEONARDO moves LEDA behind him as he turns around to face the direction of the voices.]
It's Prior Puck, my children.
Will you marry us?
Both of you? We've only just met!
[ Puck walks backwards towards LEONARDO and LEDA. The other fairies come from behind tombstones and trees dressed as nuns and friars. LEONARDO and LEDA look at each other.]
[ Whispers to Leonardo]
I'm still frightened. I think it is true that this island is enchanted. Why is that monk walking backwards?
[ Aside to Leda]
My darling, are you getting cold feet? Am I not so attractive without my father's fortune?
[Aside to Leonardo, amazed that he doesn't care.]
Leo! That silly monk is walking backwards!
[ Aside to Leda, annoyed, suspicious.]
Who are we to make fun of the religious customs of others? You are the one who is acting funny!
[ PUCK finally reaches the couple but he is standing with his back to them.]
[ To Poppy]
Spin us around, will you, Sisters Poppy and Harebell?
[ Dressed in nun's habits, the fairies POPPY and HAREBELL each take one of Puck's hands and run round till PUCK faces the couple.]
[Aside to Poppy and Harebell]
[Curtsies and attempts to give the polite reverse response.]
[ POPPY yanks HAREBELL aside and slaps the back of her head.]
[ Leans forward to speak to the couple and starts to fall. TOADFLAX and FOXGLOVE catch him by his robe and tug till he's upright again. PUCK talks to the couple as if nothing had happened.]
I sense some discord.
I am falsely accused of falling out of love with my Leonardo because of the cruel prenuptial agreement drawn by his father at the last minute. The old goat stipulates that I must marry Leo's twin brother, Hank. When we pointed out the error to him, the old goat, the richest man in the world, refused to pay his attorney to correct the draft and insisted he would cut both Leo and Hank out of his will if they do not abide by the prenuptial.
[ To PUCK while still holding PUCK'S robe so PUCK can lean forward without falling on his face.]
Such thrift is surely an offense. Shall I get the book and look it up?
By and By.
[To Yew and Bud]
Brothers Yew and Bud, to the cellar and fetch the ale and wine.
[ To Harebelle and Poppy]
Hide you here near Bandar's grave and signal should Mab appear.
[ To Leda and Leonardo]
Shall we to the confessional for some wine and conversation before the wedding?
Oh! Yes. I need a drink!
So now you need to be drunk before you can marry a poor man like me?
[ To Prior Puck]
Prior Puck, do you really think you can help us?
My children, you shall be happily wed and the old goat will eat his words! Tis wonderous good luck to be wed on St. John's Eve! Come everyone, let's to the priory!
[ Takes Leonardo's hand.]
You see? It's going to be alright afterall. Prior Puck is going to take care of us.
[ PUCK walks backwards towards the priory, guided by TOADFLAX.]
So now it doesn't bother you that he walks backwards?
[ Turns around and walks backwards, almost trips in the process.]
Leo, my love, by now you must know I will do anything for your love.
[Everyone exits except HAREBELL and POPPY, who hide behind trees and wait for QUEEN MAB to appear].
Enter STRAWBERRY and FORGET-ME-NOT
[ STRAWBERRY is still transformed into a giant egg and FORGET-ME-NOT is still transformed into an old shoe.]
STRAWBERRY AND FORGET-ME-NOT
Wait for us!
~ To be continued ~