Poor guy, you've been the victim all your life.  It's a real shame. Nothing "ever" goes your way. Everyone else has it better.  No one works as hard as you. No one tries as hard as you. No one does anything right like you. You're never fairly compensated. You're never appreciated enough. You always have to do it all. No one but you ever takes any responsibility. That's got to be rough to live that way. No wonder you're so monumentally unhappy.

And your sense of entitlement. For God's sake, your sense of entitlement! For some bizarre reason, you feel automatically entitled to and feel you deserve to be loved and appreciated. You feel entitled to be treated like a god. You feel entitled to be respected, to be treated with deference. You feel entitled to be adored by the masses.  And when it doesn't go exactly as you believe it should in your mind - your life just seems to spiral out of control. Everyone else is crazy. Everyone else is selfish, and we head right back to the top where you reclaim your victimhood.  And yes, it's we, because everyone else is always to blame. Nothing is EVER your fault. The world owes you and it owes you now.

Well. Get a grip. Get ahold of yourself for God's sake. Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

 You'll never get what you think is rightfully yours until you give up your claim to entitlement and victimhood. You'll be appreciated when you don't demand it. You'll be loved when you don't try to manipulate it.

With the help of our marriage counsellor last year, I've gone ahead and diagnosed you. You're a narccisist.

This is a bit lengthy, but it hits the nail on the head. You need to read this, but who am I kidding....you'll never get it.

The Narcissistic Vampire Checklist

THE SMARTEST, MOST TALENTED, ALL-AROUND BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TEST:

True or false? Score one point for each true answer.

1. THIS PERSON HAS ACHIEVED MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE HIS OR HER AGE.

2. THIS PERSON IS FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT HE OR SHE IS BETTER, SMARTER, OR MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER PEOPLE.

3. THIS PERSON LOVES COMPETITION, BUT IS A POOR LOSER.

4. THIS PERSON HAS FANTASIES OF DOING SOMETHING GREAT OR BEING FAMOUS, AND OFTEN EXPECTS TO BE TREATED AS IF THESE FANTASIES HAD ALREADY COME TRUE.

5. THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE INTEREST IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR FEELING, UNLESS HE OR SHE WANTS SOMETHING FROM THEM.

6. THIS PERSON IS A NAME DROPPER.

7. TO THIS PERSON IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LIVE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND ASSOCIATE WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE.

8. THIS PERSON TAKES ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE TO ACHIEVE HIS OR HER OWN GOALS.

9. THIS PERSON USUALLY MANAGES TO BE IN A CATEGORY BY HIM OR HERSELF.

10. THIS PERSON OFTEN FEELS PUT UPON WHEN ASKED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITIES TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR WORK GROUP.

11. THIS PERSON REGULARLY DISREGARDS RULES OR EXPECTS THEM TO BE CHANGED BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS IN SOME WAY SPECIAL.

12. THIS PERSON BECOMES IRRITATED WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DON'T AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT HE OR SHE WANTS THEM TO DO, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT COMPLYING.

13. THIS PERSON REVIEWS SPORTS, ART, AND LITERATURE BY TELLING YOU WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD HAVE DONE INSTEAD.

14. THIS PERSON THINKS MOST CRITICISMS OF HIM OR HER ARE MOTIVATED BY JEALOUSY.

15. THIS PERSON REGARDS ANYTHING SHORT OF WORSHIP TO BE REJECTION.

16. THIS PERSON SUFFERS FROM A CONGENITAL INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE HIS OR HER OWN MISTAKES. ON THE RARE OCCASIONS THAT THIS PERSON DOES RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST ERROR CAN PRECIPITATE A MAJOR DEPRESSION.

17. THIS PERSON OFTEN EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER KNOWN THAN HE OR SHE IS NOT REALLY ALL THAT GREAT.

18. THIS PERSON OFTEN COMPLAINS OF BEING MISTREATED OR MISUNDERSTOOD.

19. PEOPLE EITHER LOVE OR HATE THIS PERSON.

20. DESPITE THIS PERSON'S OVERLY HIGH OPINION OF HIM OR HERSELF, HE OR SHE IS REALLY QUITE INTELLIGENT AND TALENTED.

Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Narcissistic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, and is not a member of the royal family, be careful that you aren't mistaken for one of the servants.

By ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D.

Congratulations! You got 17 out of 20. You're certified. And I will no longer be your royal servant.