Once again, I listen to bitter old resentments of two divorcing  parents, all the things which they said or did to hurt each other, all the pain of heartbreak. One is happily in a new relationship. The other is not. All of this anger would be temporary and resolvable in theory. Unfortunately, there are children. They project their anger at each other onto the children, indirectly encouraging the children to hurt the other parent. The children are destroyed in the process. These events are horrible, unforgiveable, and among the most awful thing a psychologist sees.

They need to separate their feelings towards one another from their love of their children, to realize that each honestly loves the children and to accept the humanity and mistakes each has made along the way. It's hard. It's important. Sometimes, it ends up being a matter of life or death (at least emotionally). It's OK to make sacrifices for children, to value their development more than one's own ego, to love them more than to hate each other and to recognize that a real divorce involves standing separately as an individual rather than entwined in struggle forever.