Call me naive, but I was still surprised (and for several different reasons) by this headline from the New York Times…

“In Germany, a Limp Domestic Economy Stifled by Regulation”

First of all… “Limp?”

So exactly which part of the Germany economy is supposed to be “limp?” Would that be its penis?

Seriously, people! Do you really expect this sort of metaphoric machismo from the New York Times?

And what does the New York Times prescribe, if we want an economy with a MAGNIFICENT HARD-ON?

Newspaper of Record! Gimme gimme gimme some ECONO-VIAGRA!

And surprise! It’s the same old right-wing prescription which has failed and failed and failed and failed and failed anywhere and everywhere all over the world since forever!

It’s the same old right-wing prescription which already destroyed the American economy and turned us into a nation of long-term unemployment and millions of foreclosures.

De-regulation, de-regulation, and more de-regulation! Let business be business! (Insert right-wing slogan!)

So the Times begins with the very sad story of Herr Torsten Emmel, a hard-working florist who only wants to work work work and work his workers all day Sunday!

But German law (the same German law that has ruled the monstrously successful German economic juggernaut every day for the last 50 years) says you gotta give those workers time off on Sunday!

What a fucking outrage! Close earlier or be fined, says a passing inspector!

“It was a lesson in how, despite its vaunted industrial sector, the German economy suffers from some of the same overregulation and sclerosis usually associated with much more troubled European countries.”

Overregulation and sclerosis! And only a moment ago they were limp!

Limp and sclerotic! Round and square! Whatever and whatever! Self-contradiction is not a problem, and…

The facts don’t really matter.

“Though the German economy grew a healthy 3 percent last year…”

Wait, what?

That limp, sclerotic, over-regulated economy is growing!

Yeah, but we know it can’t last!

“…it will grow only 0.6 percent this year and 1.9 percent in 2013, the O.E.C.D. forecast.”

So if the facts won’t support our right-wing talking points today, just you wait, you pointy-headed liberals!

Just you wait!

And one fine day that throbbing hard-on of a German economy will wilt away into something more like the American economic paradigm of prosperity for the few and desperation for the rest of us.