Post-Valentines Depression:

         Good-morning, and I say that very tentatively given the increasing number of people that seem to suffer from P-V-D(Post Valentines Depression). Personally, I think it is a wretched holiday, which is undoubtedly cursed. Any elaborate plans that your loved one painstakingly creates pales in comparison to the train wreck that normally ensues.  Valentines is marketed like the Superbowl of Romantic events, except that the casualties outnumber the touchdowns! I have heard many times  that it ‘s a Hallmark generated holiday. I disagree, I think an evil Nun from the strictest of orders invented this diabolical day while she was doomed to a monastic and celibate existence.  Misery loves company. Sister Benevolence decided that a day of love should be celebrated by all with all the finest chocolates and fragrant flowers. This Nun was a covert operator, she most likely made a little pact with Cupid’s nemesis and promised him her soul in return for exclusive options on February 14th…..”The Valentines Massacre”of relationships. Personally, I can list over six miserable Valentine fiasco’s.

       Last Valentines, I forced myself to go to the gym in preparation for the Big Night and I tried a new squat machine for blasting your butt into shape. Instead, it tore my lower back muscles. The pain radiated all over my body.Thankfully, I was given a gift certificate for a full body massage at The Four Seasons. I scheduled an appointment and had a lovely massage, but I forgot the gift card. So I had to pay for the most expensive massage of my life. I suddenly heard that ominous black Valentine cloud beckoning me to “BE MINE”!  Then, I was late to meet my boyfriend at a cute wine bar on the Lower East side. After my lame apology for being tardy, we sat down to share a bottle of the worst red wine I have ever sipped in my life. It was the stepbrother to an Amarone….thick, sugary vinegar. Behind us was a guitarist playing his English pub version of Flamenco music. My boyfriend’s scowl actually frightened him into taking a break. We walked onward to a little Greek restaurant with ancient pottery dangerously hanging from the ceiling. Immediately, the two of us began to poke and criticize and rehash past debacles. As I looked around the restaurant for the nearest exit, I could see that other couples weren’t talking or smiling or holding hands. Everyone looked exhausted and distracted.  I was so happy to just go home and eat some chocolate and go to sleep. I am taking a vow…..I will no longer observe Valentines Day….ever again!

                      TIPS for curing PVD

1. When you wake up on the 15th..remember it’s a NEW DAY and no-one is expecting you to wear a red thong or write a love sonnet.

2. Stay hydrated today, in case you drank too much last night in hopes of blacking out!

3. Find the time today to put a nice mask on your face, fill up your bathtub with some moisturizing oils, light some candles and read a sexy passage from one of Anais Nin’s seductive novels. This will recharge you for the weekend or your next relationship.

4. Surround your self with only positive people and do something really nice for your self!  Create your own day of Love!  Didn’t Tina Turner sing..”Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken!”