Every little sister wants desperately for their big sister to love them and to spend time with them. Imagine if your 15 year old sister brought you to a party one night and then left you alone while she went into a bedroom to prostitiute herself. When she finally returned to you she said:
"Let the boys do what ever they want to do" and hands you a wad of cash.
This nightmare happened last Sunday in Trenton, New Jersey in a high rise project. A little 7 year old girl was groped, assaulted and gang raped. Her life was threatened if she screamed or told anyone. Big sister is charged with aggravated assault, promoting prostitution and is now in juvenile lock-up, while her little sister is is left to deal with this horrific and traumatizing experience for the rest of her life.
How do we begin to process this as human beings, as a community and as parents? Why can't we protect our children? Why isn't there an SAT for "would be" parents? Why is it that we need a license to drive a car, own a gun or to have a drink, but there is no license that demonstrates one's ability to parent?
Attention All Drug Addicts, Drug Dealers, Active Alcoholics, Sociopaths, Pimps, Prostitiutes, Rapists, Terrorists, Pedophiles, Physically violent predators, narcissistic, self-involved, uncaring Men and Women!
DO NOT BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RAISE A FAMILY.
You should not have this priviledge, nor the honor of developing the heart and the mind of a child.
I will not assume or judge whether you are capable of LOVE.
However, Love alone will not feed a child. Love alone, will not protect your child. Love alone will not help your child with their homework or get them to school on time. Love alone, will not make a child feel safe. Love alone will not buy their insulin or respirators or baseball uniforms. Love alone will not comfort them when they are teased or bullied at school.
Having a child is one of the most magnificent gifts in the world. It is also the most challenging job you will ever have. Unless you are willing to work through why snorting your entire paycheck or drinking a quart of vodka while driving your kids to school is not okay, perhaps you should reconsider procreation of any kind. Parenthood is not a test run, it is a daily commitment that requires sacrafice, selflessness, and a genuine concern for your family. Narcissists make really bad parents. They come in all shapes and sizes. It is not the reponsibility of a child to release the shame, the guilt and fears of their parent. It is the responsibility of the parent to provide guidelines, rules and perhaps intensive therapy so their teenage children do not engage in life threatening activities that also jeopardize the safety of themselves and their family. I pray that this innocent seven year old girl can one day open her heart just enough so she can begin to heal and find her way.