I am hoping for a better Christmas  than last year’s. I must say, it was rather boring, even though my son Edward tried to make it as festive as he could in the two and a half hours he was here with me, in the retiree apartment he set up for me . It's a nice place. Edward visits me here for Christmas and my birthday, like clockwork.

  The love of my life, Nancy , has been gone for ten years now.  She was a schoolteacher, a timid woman who became unable to handle the violence and disrespect displayed by the children of the 1990’s. She retired in 1995, and for five years we had our much promised “Golden Years” together, travelling  to Europe and seeing the culture they had to offer, like museums and architecture and restaurants.. I really liked London. Big Ben. The Tower. The bridge. I took pictures of them I like to show to my elderly friends, alot of whom have never been anywhere.

  She died in 2001, on the day after Christmas, December 26^th, from food poisoning.  She so loved her spaghetti with meatsauce & mushrooms that I made a special dinner for her , because Edward and his wife & our grandkids could not make it to the house that year. She was terribly disappointed, so i decided to take over the cooking duties. I shouldn’t have cooked; Nancy was the cook . All those wonderful turkey dinners. I was not a skilled culinary expert, but I wanted to make it special for her, due to her disappointment at not seeing Edward. And those kids. Our grandkids.

  I don’t like mushrooms, but Nancy did, so I picked her some nice fresh ones in the woods adjoining our property. I put them in the spaghetti and, yes, indeed she loved them. She mentioned the fact that there were alot of good delicious mushrooms in that meal I made. Her last meal. I gave her that last good Christmas  , at least.

  After Nancy died I grew depressed, and became addicted to television. Especially the Weather channel. There was this gal who looked a lot like my Nancy, with a very short skirt, something that Nancy never wore, but could have. Nancy had beautiful long legs,though the weather lady had very very nice thighs.  I labored over the decision: who had better legs. The weather lady, I think. I saw her legs more than I ever saw Nancy's.

  I became a severe homebody. All I did was watch the Weather Channel and read "Good Housekeeping", Nancy's favorite magazine . I kept renewing the subscription for it, out of reverence for her. 

  Edward intervened in my life and saved me from myself, which I am  immensely grateful for. The house had gone to ruins. I lived in the kitchen and living room only, where I slept on the couch Nancy and I bought in 1965 after Edward was born. I never went upstairs anymore. I was becoming what they call  "clinically depressed". But how I missed my gal.

  Edward arranged the sale of the house, after a halfhearted objection from me,  and then relocated me to my new digs. Only a half hour drive from Edwar's.   I have a lot of friends here, some of them ladies…actually, most of them ladies…and , strange to relate, they like to cook for me. I do not cook anymore, for obvious reasons.

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  Edward is coming to see me on Christmas. Not with his family. He will be solo. That’s ok. I don’t care for his wife anyway. She and Nancy were both teachers, and Nancy did not like her educational philosophy. Or how she raised the grandchildren.  And I have to admit, the little kiddos are a handful and a half. I don’t have the energy for them.Though I don't see them as maleducated, as Nancy did.

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  I am thinking of actually trying to cook again. Edward loved spaghetti, just like his mother. I know damn well how to make it, because I served my dear Nancy so many nice spaghetti meals, except for that last one, which , yes, she truly enjoyed. She told me so.  ……………………………………………………………………

  So I have, what, 5 days to fill til Christmas...

   I may spend some time in  the  retiree complex’s recreation room, with its 52 inch tv and lots of good paperback books to choose from. I like to hang out there, talk with the boys.  Most of them have lost their minds to the Alzheimer’s, but still,  guy time is sacred. 

  I turn the tv channel to that “American Idol” to watch the pretty girls dance. Also that other dancing show. The one with the famous celebrities.  Nancy and I cut a rug in our day, that's for sure. I can't dance anymore because of my hip. But maybe that will change.

  When that stuff is not on,  I watch CNN, because that new lady announcer reminds me, just a little bit, of my Nancy.  Her face is similar, but she talks much faster than Nancy. Sometimes she shows her legs. When she is walking around pointing to stuff , like maps of Iraq .

  I’m a lot more up on world events than anyone else here. I know about the Economic collapse, the wars, and also about those naughty Kardashian women. What they are up to.  And I know our nice brown president is going to win next year because once these damn fool Republicans are done fighting, the nominee wont have any money, but the President will.  He will have  alot. And he will have that wife of his,Nancy.  The one with the great bone structure and big hips, to tell him what to do, like my own Nancy did.I like how she cares about the children, and reading. And their nutrition.  Some of my generation are prejudiced against brown people, but not me. Never had a speck of trouble with them.

  Tonight I am going to try to fix this pain in my hip. I had a hip replacement at the hospital two years ago, but now the other one is going on me. I know what to do, surgically.  I used to be a doctor of gynecology. So I know the body better than most oldtimerers.

  I bought some sharp knives yesterday, and  will fix this problem so that Edward and I can have a good coupla hours together, this Christmas, without me being in pain.