How is it that Shame engulfs my dreams every night, when I am so damn good?
I am rather embarrassed admitting how good I am.
And yep, I am fishing…for validation.
……………………………………
Dreams don’t give it.
I had a typically ridiculous dream the other night…
Here is how I related it to a good friend who was
also plagued by odd dreams:
“Interesting dreams. When we dream so vividly & feelingfully, I think we must,must pay heed to them. Never ever say “just my subconscious,” silly! The Masters know that the Dream State is , in a sense, …don’t get me wrong here…in a certain way of looking at shit, REALER than the waking state, you must know that, being such a metaphysical person as u are…………….?..........................
The other night, I had a dream that I was journeying around in a weird half-assed kinda Wright Brothers airplane, only way way smaller… I was visiting people across the countryside, with a dog. The dog was in this tiny plane with me. When it came time to move on, though, I needed a long stretch of ground and a great height in order to get airborne. Plus: I couldn’t make room for the damn dog. I never took flight…
………………………………………………………………….
Well, that was the proverbial “other” night, not last night.
Last night, instead of my mother dying, I was treated to my father dying!
Yet again, as if in so-called reality I had not got my full of the horror and
Fear……
He went into medical care, cuz he was farting and messing the bed, with bowel problems.
My mom did not want to sleep in the same bed as him anymore, understandably…
Dad and mom met with the dr,
And dad told me, “the results of my liver test were not good. But for $1.42 I can get some medicine”
My mother, ever combative with dad, especially since he now fouls the marital bed,
Said, “oh, your father says a dollar 42 to everything. It is a hundred forty nine!”
(shit. We could not afford it…)
The doctor at first said, ‘’he should be admitted to the hospital”
But dad of course wanted to go home…
Then the doctor got snarky, and refused to admit him ..
He said, “what does he do to help himself? What do you?”
I said I help my parents plenty!
(especially in these endless dreams of them, where they are feeble and ill and it is my duty, dammit, to make them comfortable..)
“yes but you have asthma and copd!”
I had to admit I did. The doctor sent dad home.
With a dire prognosis…I had to call my sisters..but, the prognosis was not explicitly made…..
Another doctor chimed in with, “we only admit people with pneumonia!”
She was a woman doctor, and I felt shame.
………………………………………………………………………….
Insomnia hit me last night. I huddled in my blankets,
Trying to contract myself to the point of no-thought, just suffering…
I knew if I could get there, the place of No thought, I would be safe…
I did.
Damn goddamn dreams.
……………………………………………………………..
Everyone in the dream is you, they tell us dreamers.
Not true!........
?...............
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Natalie K. Munden
Brianne Calypso
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Comments
I am dreaming again and they seem to help me in finding my way through this hell I am in.
Sometimes a dream is just a dream but to me it sounds like you may be owning guilt that isn't yours concerning your parents. I listen to you talk and you are a good son and brother so think of that at night before you go to bed. You my friend are a good man just accept that okay!
"I spend so much of my time being quiet. If I didn't, I'd having nothing to give to life when real opportunities for joy can be created or come knocking."
i often feel tis a sin to be quiet, and yet i am.
quiet.
quietism??hmmmmmmmmmmmm
in the sense of
"accepted unreality" but
then some feeling or thought comes in from the dreamscape
i cannot ignore and use my magical powers to
conform
to
what is , and what is not.
in dream ..
what "is" is not, and what is not, is, but is.
oh go with it! :) thankx............
"You know best what they mean.
And symbols and metaphors must be inerpreted within the context."
thanks......interpretation cannot be
final, ever.
You speak well of your parents and how you helped them when they were failing. Maybe you have regrets and wish you had done more? What I do with a troubling dream- I get up and go do something to break the dream cycle. Go watch TV, if you have to, but get out of your head, then go back to bed. Or come here. There are people online 24/7. Skypixie0 and Jan Sand, to name two.
( oh ok i =good, ja)
“I had quit dreaming those remembering dreams
and woke lost most mornings.
Here is where it gets strange so hang with me I started to strengthen my chakras
I used the color stone for the area and the oil that matched
. Setting the stone on the chakra point
I wanted to work on and the oil on my wrist. I
found my dreams returned and I would wake up rested.’’
I am desperately in need or tradition and/or folk remedies and/or ritual behavior,
For I have none..
I am willy nilly.
As emerson said, “I a m whim”
“I had quit dreaming those remembering dreams
and woke lost most mornings.
Here is where it gets strange so hang with me I started to strengthen my chakras
I used the color stone for the area and the oil that matched
. Setting the stone on the chakra point
I wanted to work on and the oil on my wrist. I
found my dreams returned and I would wake up rested.’’
I am desperately in need or tradition and/or folk remedies and/or ritual behavior,
For I have none..
I am willy nilly.
As emerson said, “I a m whim”
“I had quit dreaming those remembering dreams
and woke lost most mornings.
Here is where it gets strange so hang with me I started to strengthen my chakras
I used the color stone for the area and the oil that matched
. Setting the stone on the chakra point
I wanted to work on and the oil on my wrist. I
found my dreams returned and I would wake up rested.’’
I am desperately in need or tradition and/or folk remedies and/or ritual behavior,
For I have none..
I am willy nilly.
As emerson said, “I a m whim”
(aren't they Meanies?) :)
matt...guilt, sure, aint u got a worldful, too!? ha knew it.
other wise we giving advice would
be holier than the thou's.......which i sure wish i was
so i could give better advice,
but alas advice is black
callin the blackbody
radiation black..
(quantum physicks!) (?)
os is kickin me off.
damn that os!
opportune selectivity, os!
opposite sandstorm , obtuse submission!
oppostivity sang-fried?
os ..
HUGGGGG
Dreams are like the mind's playbox sometimes, revealing thoughts sometimes you didn't even know it was having, till you close your eyes and it mind fucks ya all night long!! WAKE UP!!!
Dreamland can be a strange mindblowing experience that's for sure!!!!!
It'd be a lovely invention for a dream recorder, then, you could watch your dreams from outside looking in, take them to a dream person who'd give you a reading, a meaning!!!
~nodding~
And you're right, they do say that often the people in a dream represent aspects of ourselves - but not always. I'd say it's up to you to go upon feeling. If you believe that the people in your dreams might refer to some part or aspect of yourself, then explore that. If you really feel that, no, these people are who they seem to be in the dream, then that's your answer to that question. Didn't Freud say "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"? But the presence of these others still begs the question, what are they doing there? In your case, it's fairly obvious (from this post and others): you dream of your parents because you have a lot of conflicting and unresolved feelings about them, especially about what happened to them at the end of their lives. Your mind probably needs to come to a point when you can accept the past and move on. I know that happened with my dad: one day, after years of therapy, he sat down somewhere and just felt comfortable with the idea that while he loved his mother, he had never particularly liked her as a person. I think that helped him find a sense of peace. I hope you'll find one soon, too. You seem to have done whatever you could for your parents - no one is perfect, and few of us are powerful enough to heal or accomodate others 100% comfortably. You did what you could, and your dedication to them I think meant a lot more than you know.
I hope your dreams get better soon.
In another memorable one a huge insect landed on my arm and injected eggs under the skin of my hand. I watched in horror as the eggs hatched into larvae that matured and flew away leaving cavities in my skin.
In several of my dreams I invented fantasy versions of New York and Helsinki where I now live and they are far more impressive than the actual cities with highly intricate details of the imaginary huge buildings and extensive parkways with marvelous churches and monuments that are pure fantasies. I keep returning to these invented cities and know my way around.
I have other dreams of being trapped deep underwater desperate to take a fatal breath or locked underground in a constricting fissure of a cave.
All just tests to see what it feels like. I frequently can fly in my dreams.
http://www.biblio.com/carlos-castaneda/the-art-of-dreaming~36365473~title
I'm with Zanelle on getting "The Art of Dreaming" by Carlos Castanada (sp?). Wonderful read, and
any type of flying dream is significant. The fact you can fly your plane, small as it is, is a very good sign.
I heard that part of the break between childhood and school age is we stop having flying dreams. Children dream they fly from place to place, and most of us have had the dream where we run down the hill expecting to fly and we can't get off the ground anymore...
..because we have learned we must grow up. Flying = freedom
sweet dreams!
There is a fairly new aspect to dreaming,LUCID DREAMS.
Those are the dreams that enable you to have the concious and unconcious coincide,if I am not mistaken.Look into it,here the link:
Lucid dream - Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucid_dreamIm Cache -
I'll imagine all Life is a Dream. We are on stages.
If I think about a floppy hat that in too big? Con C.
If I sit in a rectangular closet shack and color? I did.
When I was a child I had a favorite place to color.
In the morning with the closet door open I drew.
My Mother never discouraged it. Now I blog.
The Sun would shine into the closet at Sunrise
The Moon is full and caste a Moon sliver glow.
Honest. The Moon is brilliant and woke me up.
`
I use to dream I could flap my hands and fly.
I'd fly at tree heigh level and ask others to fly.
I recall recall my childhood and wonder? Fly.
`
Some dreams are private. If I tell? Kerry?
He may 'kick' me off and think I'm crazy.
I sometimes dream I died and see people.
This dream is recurrent since a VA surgery.
I walk with bare feet in wet grass and sand.
There are some anguish-dreams. I groan.
I've been told that I moan/groan in bed.
I sleep with enormous anguish ref:, war.
I Love a gentle dream. I smell her flesh.
She is tender. She giggle. I tickle tummy.
Gaud. I think it's gonna be a wild day`gin.
Sometimes a commenter cause me dreams.
are you awake yet?
-ume
I must have had a great past life, I dream of exquisite sexual encounters ending in supreme release, almost every night. If you believe that................
I have a friend who programs her dreams, before she goes to bed she says out loud, so the universe can hear it, exactly what she wants to dream that night. Sometimes it works, she says.
rated with love
I find this helps create openness. Which then allows exploration. Recognition sets things free or freer, and exploration is the quiet deep sea diving and trawling that brings the hidden to the surface of consciousness. I'm speaking from experience, sharing in the hope you'll get something out of this. I dream a fair amount, often vivid, sometimes very uncomfortable. I accept all my dreams as gifts of my subconscious or super-conscious, invitations to greater awareness. Journalling, recalling the dream in as much detail as possible, written for oneself only, in automatic writing, often surprises me with revealed meaning. Dots get joined. Especially useful for difficult dreams - I see the struggles I have been suppressing or unable to face, see the underlying issues for me = recognition. When I bring compassion to the recognition, self-forgiveness, love, acceptance, surrender, simple awareness; these sorts of healing shifts in any useful combination, I feel greater peace within. Your own validation is much more powerful then anyone elses can ever be for you. But hearing from others is often a helpful first step to getting to the place of hearing it from yourself. Again, I speak from my own experience - forgive me if I sound arrogant in assuming what works for me will work for you. I offer for you to take or reject according to your own experience and perceptions. And I offer also that I think you are a very good person struggling with the same issues others of conscience struggle with - I believe goodness is a direction rather then a destination. Happy travels through all the sights and sounds of the dream world more real then this one.