Me and ( theportable)
D.H. Lawrence made a fine adventure together today.
The portable dh lawerence is a book. A small one, 7 by 5 inches,good for stuffing in one’s backpack as one goes out on the Town.
I bring books everywhere I go, neurotically. Some people, like my dear sister L., bring candy and little “snicky-snacks” to munch in their boredom or anxiety.
Whatever gets u thru the day...
DH and I went crosstown today to pick up my meds. To treat my bipolar virus. We walked a bit, then got the bus. At the pharmacy, all went well. Five dollars & fifty cents for some hard shit. Like clonazepam (Klonopin). For my nerves. And the Lady of all ladies, Miss Neurotin (Gabapentin). Miss N. is not well regarded these days as a ‘mood stabilizer’ , but my gal APRN doses me with good quantity. It is the cure for a lot of pain.
A few antidepressents, some fucking with my serotonin uptake, some more concerned with other neurotransmitters, like the Dopamine system. Whatever. It works. It keeps me ‘stable’. Or seemingly so.
Stability is important. That is why I need my books with me wherever I go, I often gotta sit and wait for shit to happen. I pull out a book and jump in. Passes the time. I try not to ‘kill’ time. I like to pass it.
………………………………………………………………………………………..
But some of these books got ghosts attached. Like the above mentioned p. dh…
Lawrence is a pain in the ass. He whispers, as I am travelling hither & yon, “ Mr. Emmerling, did you bother to read my essays? I know you eschew fiction these days, but a lot of my essays are short & well put. At least browse?”
I was sitting in the pharmacy waiting when he muttered this . I said, “I am well into your ‘pornography & obscenity’ essay, sir. Also I go look at your letters…” The lady was collecting my dozens of pills, putting them into handy little bottles, to give me to go home with.
here is his porn essay:
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8705.1961.tb01150.x/abstract
“Ah, my letters? How'd you get hold of my letters..? Ah, well..be kind..i get hysterical like a woman at times..Anyway, my essay..I was pretty spot –on about the unconscious mind in that one, gotta admit. Don’t you realize what life used to be like, “ he murmured, “ before the great porn breakthrough in America? It was rather controversial..remember how I ended this essay…”
He was annoying me. I flipped the book open and said, “ok, here is what you say after a lot of hysterical shrieking, to my ears..one of your specialties…
If the purity-with-a dirty little secret lie is kept up much longer, the mass of society will really be an idiot,and a dangerous idiot at that…if with purity and dirty little secrets you drive every individual into the masturbation self-enclosure, and keep him there, then you will produce a state of general idiocy…”
“What do you think of that!” he said with blistering pride.
“Happened, man, while you were dead, this self enclousure.”
“Really! That makes me rather a prophet then!” He was getting way too full of himself so I tuned him out. Why the hell didn’t I bring a staid scholarly companion like, well, A.N. Whitehead, instead of this hothead?
……………………………………………………………………..
I got my scrips and hopped another bus back across town to home. First I had to return some dvds at the library. I entered and deposited my returns.
Lawrence was muttering. “vin good”
“what?”
“Vonnegut. He is more comical than me. Get him.”
Luckily, my library devotes a section to recently dead writers, so I grabbed up a few of his short (I hope) story collections. Supposedly the guy was a great influence to many, though rather a cynical mean old bastard sometimes. I am growing weary of these cynical geniuses, I gotta admit. I once thought it was the way to go: to be endlessly popping the hypocritical bubbles of society. But that is child’s play. Still, much to learn…
…………………………………………………………………………………………………
I got the unbelievably sweet sexy dark exotic librarian, of course, in checking out. Shit.
She smiled so winsomely. I bantered without much gusto, cuz all I ever got was: ‘thank u so much! enjoy! And your fines are at 8.75 now..’ to which I play the ridiculous figure of a library ‘delinquent’. Yes, that is how they say it.
“User is delinquent”
“Ha,” Dh said.
“Shut the f. up”
.......................................
as i made my way home, a new ghost:
"The telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always
rises from some emotional threat.
The best jokes are dangerous,
and dangerous because they are in some way truthful."
"I like that, Kurt."
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Comments
Perhaps you should try chatting up the librarian the next time.
"I got the unbelievably sweet sexy dark exotic librarian, of course, in checking out.......She smiled so winsomely. I bantered without much gusto, cuz all I ever got was: ‘thank u so much!"
It's funny but all the guys used to say the same thing about me when I was working in the library at my last college, until they would make an actual effort and sometimes I would chat with them.
And that description.........that fits me so well too....... ;)
XOXOXO
I DO chat her up, but all i get is library talk.
i try to play the fool, as a delinquent,
and she smiles, but there is no
substantial intellectual kismet.
arg. she talks the other guys up.
but they are damn fools with lips open.
obvious.
xo
I love books, but I don't know if I'll ever come close to being a versed reader like you. I used to be proud of my reading until I met YOU!!! AND, some other OSers.
Rated!
Although I like this:
"If the purity-with-a dirty little secret lie is kept up much longer, the mass of society will really be an idiot,and a dangerous idiot at that…if with purity and dirty little secrets you drive every individual into the masturbation self-enclosure, and keep him there, then you will produce a state of general idiocy…”
Sounds like it could apply to more than porn.
I suppose I am flatterd that these ghosts give me the effort to talk.
I feel an enormous responsibility to delve into their collecte works,
67 percent are relevant to the world,
6.7 percent relevant to me, cuz I somehow ..got this stuff..by osmosis…
Vonnegut was a funny guy. I laugh at his facile ww2 memories of how stuff was then.
I wish for more zip.
MANGO: I am not a reader. I chose and pick. I glom onto the geniuses of the ages, then eat their heads.
Then get bored with them.
Read a paragraph a day. From a book you consider holy.
That will knock you up!
Tom…I am in deep romantic negotions w/ the postmodern lady chatterhead, oops I mean lady..
She is mercurial. She needs a lot of poetry, and not the old kind.
The shit he wrote about Moby Dick is apocalyptic. To the sea, we americans went. Melville. And in the end, the ship of state, fellowed by men of politically correct mixture of races, under maniac ahab,
Whose best line was “if the sun offends me I shall smite it!”
Fell blub blub down. To a watery grave.
What is left, he asked? After moby dick?/// Whitman & his newage inclusiveness of everyone.
Yuck, I agree w/dh
did kurt believe that into old age?
these short stories are 'mousetrap' stories.
he gets ya in a good lessonlearned.
later,dark, dire, cynical, a mean old man.
much to be found in that, but
minus the misery.
life can be sweet.
it almost burns a lesson:
'the awful truth/ of how sweet life can be/
but she wasnt gonna make a move/
guess it gotta be up to me"
little heard dylan song, up to me.............................................
Some say fall is all. Chritians, eg.
Dh, Margaret, a dear mama boy comrade.
Running here and there. Being clever in spots. And foolishly innocent & inappropriate at others.
We must measure the fullness of a man. It helps when he is dead, his book having been written.
masturbation is not sexual . it is metaphysical. It is self pleasuring of whatever tiny speck of ego one has accomplished, committed to permanency,due to cowardice.
" promiscuous sex in and out of season'
There is a season?????
HUGGGGGGGGGGGG
There is a lot to be said of writing before the two twentieth century world wars. That ruined a lot of men it didn't kill. Collaboration kills the soul.
There are seasons, just not of this earthly realm. Sort of metaphysical ones. A man and a woman must travel the dark freezing cold night of the soul to enter the promised land..
Martin luther and martin luther king and even ancient moses saw this, but could not accompany their people..we are savvier than them..we have absorbed their lessons…the promised land is of
Milk and honey..
And yes this has sexy connotations.
Drift to your internal whims, woman. All is changeable. All is eventually amenable…I hope.
I'd say I was killing time but it appears somehow to be lesser than merely passing. I think it takes more effort and dedication than merely going by. Passing vs. killing.
...just a minute. Nope. Still on hold.
Anyway I saw this: "I glom onto the geniuses of the ages, then eat their heads" and wondered if you had ever seen one of those grasshoppery kind of bugs,( I forget which one they are in this moment as I'm staring at the blinking red light on my phone ), stick their foot out and cut off another bug's head? It is remarkable.
Much like a glowering librarian seeking payment for your fines.
It's sounds better that you have at least found one who makes little of your transgressions.
Praying Mantis. That's it.
Belief? A clinging.
A lover hugging his beloved in a death clench of sordid neediness. A kinda…weak man…….
too delicate if met in the grass to squash,yet
determined determinisitcally to rather
a funny symbolic fate,or..a horrifying
one..depends on perspective.
eat my head, baby.
i once had a pale anorexic blonde genius gal say
she wanna crawl up in my head, good heavens. i was 20
so i blew that one. she is off somewhere,but she might have
been the first love of my life, for
once i got her 18 yr old soul stoned on mj
and we talked a blue purple streak and then she had to go
home to mom and dad but said,
"i feel as though i could eat a whole refrigerator," and she
a quaisi anorexic..
i am anorexic. then i purge to the max .
my strategy. to create drama in my life. ach.
dylan:
"i know yr lover/
lemme feed off his head
and then/
you can really see.."
freak.
I take a book everywhere, too, though none so weighty as yours. Sci-fi and fantasy.
rate (mostly for the photo)
if we are real men, to revere...from dr lee..
miller, eh. yeah.
ah, these 20th century mix of authors boggle my mind.
i wish to retreat to a simpler time, Lee, that i am building...
(excuse the male exhuberance here, alysa:)
Divine alysa, you of the french and jersey pulse..
synchronicty always emerges bewtwen likeminded souls,
which we seem to be. Poe ya love for his horrific horrible melo/
beyond melo-drama/you gotta read dear mr dh's take on him,who adores him for all his excesses...sees him as the death of a certain
kinda spriritual hollow
vacant knowledge, the nerve knowledge..
and glories in poe' s horrors, and neatly ties it in with
american lit in a book all the learned scholars cannot touch
with a seven foot poll
cuz it is lawrence, and dh is brilliant.
and dh loved his Blake..........................................ha
i wish i could write 4 or 5 paragraphs to elucidate my views.
i aint capable cuz os has the iron rule of
make it short & SNAPPY.
to reveal what it was all about, it was about
whithead, whom no one mentioned..poor bald square..
he said creativity is ultimate. even god is
born from creativity.
i wish i could be creative in a wild way, but this
is not conducive to understanding.
i gotta be communicative or i will
just be another dumb bipolar virus
fool...
remember. this bipolar thing. it is well medicated by big Pharm.
it is a plague, they say. yet i find all bipolars delightful company.
professionals do NOT like it when a boy talks too fast, has
too ferocious a flood of ideas..this is mania..
this is pathology,
a big money maker..
to think too much fast and associatively is, well, diseased.
remember that. for your author is a bipolar.
and this is a citadel quite well guarded by big pharm
and idiot psychobabble. and they take no prisoners.
they commit you.
do you see any drama here? i hope to introduce it.
mood disorders..
a big fuckin money maker..........................
such a link. to a great interview.
i like it when geniuses interviewd, this is the pith, ha.
"I like this, James."
: D
Good dead writers -- have you ever thought of trying some female ones: Woolf, Plath, Shelley, Anais Nin or some Canadian ones like Alice Munro, Margeret Laurence or Atwood? Just a suggestion for a something a bit different... I think you'd really surprise that cute librarian chick. ;)
SCARLETT! Cmon! Chick writers? How against the traditional canon. I have heard of some of these gals thru my lurching-toward-literary galpals…I shy away from them….i might become ever more “effeminate” than my guys think I may be, if I start reading chicks. A boy got his boys to consider.
The truth is: it probably terrifies me, what truly erudite author gals are sayin. Does , ha, uh, occasionally listening to Fiona apple or other wild carnal consummately poetic songbirds count? Like, um, Janis Joplin?(no not her. I know. She long gone) …ah..sheryl crowe? Or that weird disturbing mz. Petunia venus? The one I saw in my dreams last night? She was a very forward lady.
with all the clothes tossed at him
and other things
I love it when he said:
“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.”
Surely, you took his advice when you wrote those sexy posts
the last few days.
Or in a poetic moment when he said
“I never saw a wild thing
Sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.”
Surely, you are a wild thing who
goes about each day
happy to be James
whatever meds they give you
and happy to give of yourself
to us forlorn OS - JME groupies
rated with love
One must learn to love, and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it, and the journey is always towards the other soul.”
― D.H. Lawrence
“For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken.It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack.”
― D.H. Lawrence
“A woman unsatisfied must have luxuries. But a woman who loves a man would sleep on a board”
― D.H. Lawrence
Stability is important.
urbane, articulate, suave, self-reliant, pliant
You are the best.
“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.”