DYLAN; 'THINGS HAVE CHANGED'
A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind
...I hurt easy, I just don't show it
You can hurt someone and not even know it
The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie..
Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed
Duty done. I cared for the beast Georgie / Puppie for three days.
My sister, Georgie’s Momma, was appreciative. She’d gone off with her beau for a weekend getaway and had had the time of her life. She is in giddy “high school’ love mode with a very fine man. I am so f-ing happy for her happiness I could weep...
“Tell me. How’d he do? “ she wanted to know upon her return.Re. the beast, the most clingy dog God created. A constant companion. Constant...
“He , ha..uh, L, he knows no boundaries. He is in your face 24 hours a day. Literally! But..he sleeps with me calmly, thank god.. stupid maniac snuggle puss..” i said, loving the beast again, now that he was her responsibity again.
She was awaiting a psychological diagnosis of her canine, as this is of utmost importance. She is intent on making him Super Dog.... For instance, she hires a private trainer to come and teach him ‘manners’ twice a week…she is serious about disciplining him.
.............................................................................
As she should be, I suppose. But he is beyond ‘good dog/ bad dog ‘ shame, I think. He shows absolutely no regret for his bad behavior…no hanging head for Georgie….he gets caught doing something naughty or even abonimable, is harshly rebuked, and then almost questions the ‘rule’ he broke, like: “what? What the f. did I do???”
This beast is ultimately gonna be uncontrollable. He will rule his territory with doggy innocence and guile. I foresee this…
If he needs your attention,he gets it. Whether through lovey dovey cuddling & giving kisses, or snarky barking when you are doing something, like going on the computer: anything that excludes him. He is a master manipulator , serving a solipsistic narcissism with glee and no regrets. He has no shame.
……………………………………………………………………………………….
One of the unfortunate things about babysitting Georgie is that I cannot smoke in L’s house, so I go out to the backyard deck to enjoy a well-deserved smoke. That is fine: one must respect others’ living space.
Thank Goodness i can go home & smoke as i wish............
I got back to rooming house , lugging bags, and met up with Robert Frost, gloomy as usual lately. He lives downstairs..he has girlfriend issues, as his gal is 20 & he 50.......
him
her,not exactly.
“Hey, ya hear what S (the landlady) said? This is gonna become a sober house..”
My bags were almost all the way up to my glorious hole in the wall of a room when he laid this on me.
‘’What? What about us?”
“Oh, we can stay. I dunno. She just said this to me today…”
Shit . what the f-ing fuck? I went next door immediately, to the ladie's sober house, where the landlady was ensconced, and was told they are “redoing”’ my boarding house, washing walls, painting rooms, etc…I wa s gonna be exempt from whatever Sober House rules they think up, but then the bomb dropped:
“Also, of course we’re gonna make it smoke free”
“Oh. Huh. Yeah, well ok…I don’t smoke a lot anyway,’ I said, from under my hat , in my long black coat. I lie, for peace of mind. Only reason I lie, really....
“Nothing to worry over. We will be repainting rooms, etc,so you might have to get your stuff up to the attic for awhile. Or the basement.’’ She was social-worker-ese serious, so I had to say,
“ok”
“funny, “ she mused…” I’ve never been in your room! I respect your privacy. You are a pretty private guy!” She looked up from her computer. “And..i’m sure your room doesn’t need a lot of work.” She was serious. God help me..what am i gonna do about this room? My cave?
“No, just me & my books, “ I said.
“Oh yes you’re the book guy. Well, when we come in, you can store them in the attic space..maybe get rid of a few! You might wanna purge a bit..”
“Ha, no, well..i already had to give up half my books… a while ago..in order to fit them in storage…I got kinda a personal relationship with each one…” I smiled, I was light. i was erudite! I always am...
“Good for you! Ok, this change won’t affect you at all. Just the ‘non smoking’ “ she smiled.
……………………………………………
Honestly? Someone coming into MY PLACE? Telling me I cannot smoke anymore (2 yrs here, smoking like a ChimneyFish…) I gotta take all my settled stuff out? To make room for what,now/ ??!!!
A newly painted room with new carpet and whatnot, which I should be grateful for?
It feels like a damn rape. No, not a rape. An assault on my privacy…arg..
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“Just one thing: cannot smoke.”
To me, Gosh help me, this is like:
“Just one thing: cannot any longer be happy & at ease & loving your hole in the wall.”
…………………………………………………
It’s gonna be another “sober house”, like the place next door, only for men not women.
My opinion? World gone insane, spinning to doom, but ensuring you are healthy & without medicine in order to observe the apocalypse.
I am deeply dark now…………..
link to a damn good video .
old bob sneaks around in the same tentative trust i do:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9EKqQWPjyo
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Natalie K. Munden
Brianne Calypso
Boomer Bob
Lucinda Bliss
KC Redding-Gonzalez
Missilynn
Salon.com
Comments
I've lived this way all my life, in one sense or another. Here's what I've learned to do: see it as a game. Find a way to break the rules - may be easy (like lean out the window and smoke) or may be harder - but spend time finding a way just to say "Fuck you!" to the rules.
You're not alone. Just keep thinking how to play the game. My motto in life is: "Never stop trying to outwit your jailors." Smile, seem to totally agree with them, and fuck them behind their backs!
Oh, and I also understand what you mean about not wanting to get rid of any of your books. People tell me I should do that all the time, too, but they're like friends.
Good luck to you with everything.
I'd beat her up for you if I could. :0)
Not okay!
Not cool!
~R~
and puff. damn them.
never stop trying to ouwit my jailors is nervewracking.
suddenly i am "bad".
i hate being "bad"..
books are our children...
PHYLLIS: no lease, nope. it is a ROOMING HOUSE.
they can come in here anytime.
i am in a nervous state.
thanks so much,
landlady
(who i adore..i love her social worker commitment)
for making me miserable.
she would beat the hell outta you. she a big gal...
she has kids. she is seducable mentally, yes.
cuz i give her 150 bucks a week, early.
i am such a "private person",
no trouble...
she adores me.
i like her.
there may be wiggle room.
but coming IN HERE is horrifying. to do what/? paint my damn walls? i couldnt care less.
Dad loved his pipe. He encouraged me to smoke. thank God.
else i woulda lost my mind and my connection to him.
ha..
"He is a master manipulator , serving a solipsistic narcissism with glee and no regrets. He has no shame." is a perfect bio, eh?
must be a Dog Man, one of the Pack.
i might actually object and get another place. arg
and if no one else is smoking and the house smells super clean, the thing is, you don't know how much smoking smells because you're so used to that smell. and I'm not being critical. I'm just telling you it's VERY strong.
and that might piss off the landlady, her nice clean walls, getting all smokey stinky.
thing is, I don't know this town is in the midst of a strong renters market or a strong landlords market. if you push it and there's not a lot of nice available rooms for rent, can she ask you to leave immediately? how do you feel about that?
as a rule, boarding house renters generally don't have the same rights of possession as lets say full sized apartments. that may not be the case in this town but I don't know. that's something you should find out.
so first you have to learn what the law is in town in regards to boarding houses and rules and whether a landlord can change the agreement like this. did you sign anything?
but before you do anything, you really have to ask yourself how much you like living there.
then ask yourself can you find something else you'd like as much. would it be for the same money (150 dollars a week IS a lot of money though, so you should have some leverage)
don't do anything rash james e.
BLACKLILLY; thank u for continued support of my nonsense, which luckily I can, as you point out, put into words……………………………
FOOLISH; I never do anything rash, don’t worry. Sure I shall appeal. I will put my computer up to the window & puff til I get caught & then charm my way out of it. but…tis more hassle..damn em for hassling, no matter how good hearted…………………………………………………………………………………
I understand it comes as bad news just back from a non-stop weekend with Georgie and all. (Good job, by the way). Now, I'm going to say something unpopular here but the tortured smoker does not have to = artistic writer type. Take some time to deconstruct the myth, get some Nicorette or something, the smoke less thing is for the best. Your room will be better than ever when they're done. It's not an apocalypse, really. Just step outside to have a puff and get more fresh air. Still friends? I hope so.
`
Honest . . .
`
I Gaud wanted us to smoke God make a chimney stack on heads.
`
We inherited smokin' habits from cave dwelling days. They puff.
They (ancestors) get so hot they toss a green hemp plant on fire.
Hemp wasn't outlawed yet. They used 'Chaste Tree or Monk plant.
Google Monk Pepper
or
5-leaf
Chaste Tree Bush
It's a pepper bush
`
`
Saintly Behavior
?
`
an editor in chief
not commander
a precedent or
a "saintly" lawyer
`
displaying in court
the Picocchio tattoo
around his penis
`
gaud have mercy
`
`
We inherited smokin' habits from cave dwelling days. They puff.
They (ancestors) get so hot they toss a green hemp plant on fire.
Hemp wasn't outlawed yet.
As for this:`
Saintly Behavior
?
I see no relevance to an editor’s penis. I am doing my best to
Pretend I aint got one, out there out in the world, like when some
Gal who smokes snuggles up & sez, “you some kinda master avatar, boy”.
I gotta be quaintly saintly and secure in my chastity.
I light up with the gal,
Who no doubt smells bad to someone, some damn nosy nose, not i.. I say unto her,
“whyfore you say I am something or other?”
She says , “just yer eyes & whatcha got to say about shit”
She a depressed woman. A woman smoker. A ga l gotta be clean these days.
Maybe not in Kentucky , but here in CT yah yah.
Oh well.
Puff puff all puffed up with puffery?
No more, me.
Gonna get 20 patches & put em all on.
This is what helps me CREATE dammit.
Is that of NO f-ing importance to anyone?
I THINK BETTER WITH SMOKE.
AM I EVIL?
Ha. Thanks for the forum.
I introduce you?
Mennonite gals?
or
(I still looking?)
`
a bipolar woman
certain her fifth marriage
will last forever
`
She juggles chainsaw
She smokes one after
another and loves you
A Mennonite gal might be just the thing to clear my head.
She would be
be welcome indeed into my smallish world.
Bipolar & smoky? Good combo.
The chainsaw juggling sounds like something
We could share for fun in exotic erotic moments…
Ay!
But loved your description of the shameless one. It is my favorite thing about dogs. Truly, the best of the best are the shameless ones. And not speaking of just the canine type dogs, either.
r./
I suppose most of the details are here.
Might light up again for some sort of solidarity thing.
It's been 20+ years .
Seems a little over the top.
Why get healthy just to observe the apocalypse as you have noted?
Tell her to bugger-off
That will sound worldly
and get a book.
My religion is thankfully in flux. But any kinda AnaB would be greatly appreciated. All I got these days is ach darn catholics. Not really catholic at all if Benedict had his say.
Benedict? In league with Kerry?
Benedict the german walks Jerusalem streets, with his iphone & ipad and
Small “I”. says we gotta make interfaith gestures.
Says the holy city of Jerusalem is a good spot to start a family!
Says the holy cities of Hamburg and Nuremburg and even London are for the stout of heart cuz they got lots of infidels asking them for advice, Christians….
I dunno about Ben. He is weird! He has quaint movements of hands like any good pope, but a damn big mouth.
I wanna write several many anti-Catholic encyclicals in spare moments.
I need contracetptiion, smoking, and free love to accomplish this kinda shit. Ay. Tease.?!
Also: thanks for the sacrifice of not coming here. Light em up. Smoke em if ya got em. If not, pretend ya do. Get a damn patch. Nicotine, that aint fatal, right? It is all the incumbent carcinogens.. oh how shouldi know/ and why should I give a f. I gonna smoke til they send my lungs to Harvard med school as an example. Ay. O sorry. Artjames is pimping me out to a Mennonite gal. gotta get clean. In the head. Gotta see what tis al l about, theMennnoite stuff. Ah later.be well. Don’t smoke & do NOT drink. And do not breathe fully anymore. Remember yer health. Arg. Gnite?!
you underestimate me. i smoke only home rolled.
what do i roll? cheap shit.
cigarette tobacco?hell no..too costly..
pipe tobacco...20 bucks for a months worth.
no taxes/ and no damn extra chemicals.
just tobacco.
which made america/
i am
a patriot.
those indians, they knew the value of a friggin peace pipe.
get offa my case.
or else go meet my sister S. the headstart hippy social worker
who shares yer damn northern views..................
she would like u.
i dont want the two of u together to bug me tho..
puff puff Ha.
cough cough..arg
I've been trying to forgive Kerry 70 X's 70.
He may need . . .
`
a bipolar teddy bear
who's happier sweeping
dog hair under your bed
`
an OCD editor
preferring to
play 'Nintendo'
`
There really is an Elder Mennonite wife of a minister. He was selected to become a pastor of the flock by drawing hay straws.
She is the historian and teaches me about the sects etc., and Anabaptist.
European folks were killed for Baptism debates. Nect they 21 century nuts may kill for drinking a 'Papst Blue Ribbon Beer'`
`
I ask her what the bible says about smoking and cute nudes on your saintly blog.
He (her husband) preacher ask me to stop snoring in church and no sleep with Mary.
He a flock alright.
He preach to You.
I'll send him asap.
They're neighbors.
Ay love neighbors.
They farm well too.
We talk about sex?
tease . . .
He walks with limp.
He's lamer than me.
He ask me `bout news.
I let him read your blog.
Grow your own tobacco.
Aphids love home grown.
They plant is anti-bad-bug.
It's an attractive big plant.
It benefits your pot plant
They grow as companion.
Dry the tobacco under bed.
Dust dead bugs and dust off.
Cut the dry gold leaf in bed.
Invite bipolar Amish to help.
Amish women smell like milk.
They cook and serve in beds.
In that case, drop $20 on a smokeless ashtray, and you're golden on the reefer. And, the cigarettes won't be an issue once you become accustomed to it, which happens in no time, flat.
Think of it as your choice, and I swear, you'll barely notice the difference (also, your PC will thank you and likely last a ton longer, as will any other electronic equipment you own...silver linings, my man...silver linings)
Right now he is scratching the pillow on the couch.
Can't you get one of those little blowy machines that you can smoke and nobody knows any better because all the smoke goes into the machine or something.
Does something like patches the holes in the Ozone.
Of course, I am sure you are a goody goody
cause you could not be a baddy baddy
and would never
dream of breaking rules.
How the hell can you have a sober house without smoking,
you can't ask those guys to give up everything.
How about the girls place next door,
can they smoke?
All the people I know in recovery smoke
pride themselves in their ability to handle a cigarette
or maybe you could give up cigarettes and give us more
years to read your wisdom
rated with love
As for you being "bad" - you're not! Your oppressors are the problem!
ALYSA; you have given me the inspiration to break the rules and fight my oppressors to the very death. By trickery.
RP: I am gonna get the best damn smokeless ashtray ever. Somewhere..frisco sounds like a fine canine…georgie is thankfully back in momma’s care again…now I can love him unconditionally, from a safe distance…he is one savvy little manipulative bastard…takes after his Uncle James,,ha. Sobriety! This of course doesn’t mean food. You can shove all the fat and carbohydrates down yer throat without reproach. I would get fat as hell if I had to give up smoking, and then, ironically, die earlier..ha. arg.
Damn good video.
Also, Mr. Frost's not exactly girlfriend does what I call the third world squat remarkably well in heels.
If you wanna get a sense of me, that is me, that video…shuffling around..getting into trouble…advising the youth…having hallucinatory experiences…my hat is making me ME….a tiptoe man…always up for something, if he can only get to it.
Mr Frost’s galfriend is a fiendish little thing. Nothing like the woman in the photo. I put that photo in because..well…just because!
Landlady is, alas, a food addict. Very big lady. Sweet and tough and I doubt I could get her to light up. She loves me, really. She is a swell gal doing good in the world for all these unfortunate women, who always treat me with respect and smiles when I pay the rent. Nice gals. They sunbathe in the summer. Right outside my window. I play em tunes. Good tunes. Sweet unfortunates.
in certain matters yes.
in practical shit,not so much