Yesterday was such a lovely day: bright blue sky, an arts & crafts fair in the park where I could pretend to be middle class again, and listen to polite artistic murmurings and delightful female shopping gabble, and meet two charming alpacas whose wool was being sold while they were in a tiny pen grunting at us with big wide eyes.
Today it is rainy and I gotta get a CT scan of my maxillofacial area. I got oral aural fistulas. Those are holes in my gums from teeth extractions that “communicate” with my sinus. And my ear, at times, stuffing it up and making my inherent imbalance even more pronounced.
When I drink water, it comes out my nose.
My older sister is taking me. The nice lady at the hospital called to remind me yesterday and collect all my information, like “who is your emergency contact?”…I laughed and said, “for a face CT?”. She was somber. What the hell is a CT anyway? X rays? I asked , telling her I was a physics afficiando. She confirmed it , and I got a little laugh from her.
Also the President called me at 6 a.m., to get my advice on the election.
“Seen the polls, Jimmy?” he said.
“Dead heat. Plus the sucker’s favorability rating is ascending”
I was being interrupted right at the beginning of a good “Law and Order: Criminal Intent” on the USA network. Plus, I had taped “Mad Men” last night, and wanted to watch it before going to the hospital. So I was slightly annoyed, but didn’t show it, due to the dignity of the guy’s office.
“Well, it is early, “ I said, sipping coffee and trying to say something helpful or hopeful to O. to conclude the conversation on an upbeat note.
“Shit. Forgot about your head CT, my man. Although..” here came one of his dry jokes…”we maybe oughta get a look inside your head, y’know. Could answer a lot of questions.”
I had to laugh. It’s in his delivery…”Yeah, Mom always said I should ‘get my head examined’…”
We bullshitted a bit, making fun of Mitt. I will not repeat what we said because, again , the dignity of the office…also, some of you might be Mitt Men or Women. I am utterly apolitical, in public, and like a good American , just wants everyone to love me, so I shall say nothing controversial.
“Hear about the preacher, that guy on the internet?” Obama asked.
“Yeah. ‘Send the Gays back where they came from’, as my mom mighta said.”
“A homophobe, your mama?” He said . His momma was a cool interracial hippy chick, mine was this Doris Day /Elizabeth Taylor multiple personality type, 1940’s vintage.
“Nah, man. In the end, she loved the gay guy on the local news. She said , ‘there are good ones and bad ones’, like she did about all the other ‘minorities’. Ha, if she could see her town now. A frothy mix indeed.”
“Cool. Hey, send em back. Like, where, to…where would you send em?”
“Uh,” I said, “Maybe ancient Greece.”
“Not Greece, man! Their economy is in shambles. A damn shame…” he said, sounding serious.
“the gay community could revitalize it, maybe…” Now my brain was in overdrive. O. does that to me sometimes…”Hey, get Spielberg to do a sci fi kinda futuristic satire where a , oh, a crazy religious guy gets elected and starts shipping them out..”
“NO! ancient Greece! Through a, uh, a wormhole or some rip in the time space continuum! Back to Periclean times….Socrates & his ratpack, those guys…get…get Depp and Pitt to star in it.”
“That would be a brave career move for them, gotta say.”
“yes! Maybe a flash of their cute little penises, for the ladies!”
“So, a chick flick? I thought it was about gays.”
Hm. “Well, no, maybe some good bisexuality for the guys..”
“Any actresses in mind?”
“Uh, a few…”
" Maybe some of your little buddies on OS would be interested? How about Tinkerbell, there?"
"You mean Tinkertink? Yeah maybe...maybe Jan Sand as Socrates's father?"
“Alright, buddy. Biden is knockin at the bedroom door. These old fuckers are sure early risers..gotta book…good luck at the hospital.”
“Ok, thanks for reminding me. Peace.”
Fucking CT scan. What do they do, put my head in a contraption? For how long?