My story ,as  I have tried to write down here on OS  is an uncanny tale.

 

You can refer to the previous posts of my most recent adventures if you wish. I shall sum it up:

It is the story of  a besotted male doing the ‘’meet the mother’’ thing for his paramour  involving an alcoholic parrot --- Rudolf--- who is Rena (my galpal’s) mom’s pet.

As of recently this is the tenor of the tale.

~

Rena pulled into mom and dad’s driveway with exhaustion. I knew she was fatigued mentally and emotionally, so the only thing to do was offer supplication.

 

She was silent and still. So was Rudolf. And me. Waiting for the lady’s words, we guys were. Rudolf had found his way into the front seat, in Rena’s lap, resting in her bosom from his alcoholic poisoning. Looking quite alert. Not in any way ‘poisoned’.

 

It took five minutes until Rena said in a soft voice, “James, I have to get some distance from all this. The visit and its aftermath. Do you respect that?”

 

Rudolf looked at me to see how I might handle this.

 

“Yes, of course. But…distance? What do you mean?”

 

“I wanna go out and get shitfaced with my girls tonight. “

 

“I didn’t know you had ‘girls’, “ I said. “Who are they?”

 

“Don’t be a possessive asshole patriarchal type . I love you, Jimmy, cuz you are so passive.”

 

“Ok,” I said. I took Rudolf from her breasts with reluctance on her part. Rudy gave me the evil eye as I did so. “So…you are gonna have a night out. Ok. But, me and Mom and Dad are gonna care for the family pet for the night? On our own?”  I was being a bit petulant in a passive aggressive way I guess , but I felt little guilt.

 

“Yep. That is how the shit shakes out! Out now , you two. And…” she changed her face to portray  a normal female emotion , “give my love to your dad and mom and your dog.”

 

Rudolf and I got out. Seemed like an unsatisfactory ending to a day where I had made the strenuous effort to meet her mom. But my experience with women is that they expect the impossible out of you daily, and it is how you deal with it that determines your character.

 

“Goodnight!” I said as Rena sped off into the sunset.

~

Immediately Rudolf changed his act on me. He sat up in my hands and said, “ On our own? On our own?”

 

“Yeah, you heard her,” I said. I knew he understood me perfectly, but was somewhat constrained by his vocal apparatus  in responding. I picked up on his clues.

 

“The shit shakes out/ the shit shakes out” he said.

 

“Yeah, no one can come between the shit and how it shakes out, “ I said morosely as I entered my parents’ house.

~

Nobody around except old Joseph, our 16 yr old lab. Who I was taking to the vets tomorrow, to see Dr. Nibbling, with Rudolf as an extra party crasher. I knew old Nibbling would not charge us for two sessions. He was in Dad’s pocket, like most of the old white power structure in  town.

 

Joseph looked up from his position near the open screen door.  Mom  and Dad preferred Joseph’s vomiting and diarrhea to be done outside, the mosquitos be damned. 

 

He wagged his ancient tale two times and fell back to sleep.

 

Rudolf didn’t seem to care too much about him. He fluffed his feathers and put his beak against my cheek, and said, “on our own/on our own”.

 

It was 10 pm so  mom and dad were fast asleep, in separate bedrooms. Mom initiated that a few years ago. An indignant dad took awhile to get used to it.  My room was next to dad’s.

 

“I am beat, Rudy. Call it a night?” I asked.

 

“the night has eyes/ the night has eyes,” he said.

 

“Hm. Wonder where you got that from. I am too tired to care, though.” I put him on my bed and jumped in, ready for the temporary death of a good 8 hours of sleep in order to arise resurrected and fresh.  Rudolf walked around a bit, finding a comfy spot. He chose my chest.

 

“I don’t got boobs, man, like u seem to like,” I remember saying to him as I drifted off, unaccountably pleased he chose to snuggle.

 

~

 

Next morning: Rudolf and I awoke with a start. Dad knocking on my door, then plunging through, like usual. “ Jim! Thank God you made it home. What is that?” He made a face of disgust, the same one poor dear dying Joseph has suffered for sixteen years. Dad was ambivalent about animals.

“Rena’s mom’s bird.”

Rudolf was up and at attention. Dad has that kind of command.

 

“Hello, bird!” Dad said without much interest.

“Hello / hello. I don’t got no boobs / I don’t got no boobs,” he said.

 

“What did that bird say, James?” Dad asked.

“I ..uh…didn’t hear, Dad. What’s up?”

 

Dad sat down at the edge of the bed and did his theatrical best to deliver the rather inconsequential news to me: “ Jim, you are the philosopher-king, I am but a poor history teacher. I need your advice on a matter of very great importance.”

 

Rudolf was intimidated by the old man. He hid behind my shoulder as I rose.

 

Yet he squawked: “no one can come between the shit and how it shakes out”

 

Dad nodded and said, “True, bird. Good bird. Good words.  Sounds like something you might have said, jimbo.” He sighed. Rudolf made a hesitant advance toward him, til he flicked him away rather too violently, I thought. Meanwhile, Joseph was at the door observing.

 

“My gut told me digestion is the key to making these kiddos better . Yesterday. But I dunno. I know I got the odd zimer’s bug. I can’t trust  my own thoughts. “ He saw Joseph in the door and said, “go away, you goddamned dog! Your walk isn’t til later! Damn you!” Joseph fled. Rudolf sought shelter behind me again.

 

“As a policy for the high school, Dad, ‘digestion’? The idea is a valid one. It needs fleshing out. You and me. Uh, a bit later?  I gotta take the bird and the dog to the vet, yknow.”

 

“Yes!” he said, rising. He cast an ancient brown German eye on Rudolf . “good bird, “ he said. Rudolf quivered with joy.

 

“I shall leave you to your bird and your morning ablutions,shit and shower and shave…report back after I take this goddamned dog for a walk. Yes? Half an hour?” He looked at his watch.

 

“Yessir, “ I said.

 

Rudolf added, “my gut told me/my gut told me/  good bird / good bird”