To this day, I still remember the feeling of slick redleather against my skin.
As a sensitive 5-yearl-old boy, the moment my mom dressed me in a Michael Jackson “Thriller” t-shirt beneath a tight red leatherjacket – I was never the same again.
80’s glam took a hold of me like a rabid dog foaming Oshkosh B'Gosh from the mouth.
There is something special about being an 80’s kid. Thecolors were bright, the music was upbeat and the fashions, with the shoulderpads and blue eyeliner, were especially fun; especially when that kid is the son of a teenager going through every 80’s phase possible.
My mom had me at a very young age so she was particularlycareful as to how she dressed me, making sure I was always up to date on thelatest trends – mullet included.
For the first day of kindergarten, I was decked out to themax in a hodgepodge of a bright t-shirt, acid washed jeans and topped off witha pair of bright neon green trimmed sunglasses. Yes, the 80’ took a vengeanceon me and I looked good.
Of course, this was the mid eighties when mom was goingthrough her Madonna Just-Like-a-Virgin phase. Not like the late eighties whenshe dyed her hair bright red, wore nothing but pink and made her own dresses.Of course, they were skimpy and made from light cheap fabrics making her look morelike the sultriest girl on the Amish farm and less like the trend-setting teenshe wanted to be.
To me, however, she was the most beautiful woman in theworld.
Of course, it wasn’t the bright colors she dyed her hair orthe huge shoulder pads that I would lay my head on for a comforting hug, it wasthe fun times we had when my grandmother would make her take me with her whenshe wanted to go out with friends.
My mom swears that she stopped smoking pot once she foundout she was pregnant with me, but Strawberry Wine Coolers were like breast milkfrom the Gods to her seventeen-year-old self.
Often I would sit in the back seat of an old Buick, sandwiched between otherkids her age, as rock music blared from the car. We were all lost to the night.I would watch as mom sat in the front seat, banging her head to the beat.Her smile made the bright stars outside the car window look dim. She was happy in those times. A time before she met David, her husband, who would force herto settle and no longer be free.
I think it was during one of those drives that I began fantasizing a life alone.
A life free from any type of romantic relationship.
Just me.
Bright clothes.
Wine Coolers.
And the dark nights that went on into the great distance of theold Buick lights.
Then, one night, mom was in the mood for dancing.
We all stepped out of the car and, on the side of the road; we all walked like an Egyptian. I found comfort in the fact that they were young. The future was completely theirs.
I feared nothing with my teenage mom there protecting me.
My red leather jacket kept me warm.TIP:
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I went to a high school graduation last night for a dear friend of mine. The ceremony was good but before I could even get it I was visually assaulted, by young "ladies", I'm using that term very loosely at this point. I understand for a graduation most people are going to go out or party afterwards so there is a need to dress up slightly. But when selecting a dress I think girls need to pay more attention to the length and not just the length the cut as well. As I stood outside waiting for my friends with the tickets, a girl walked up in an adorable dress. It was black and white and as she walked up I though wow she looks very chic. Granted the dress was short for my taste but I thought it looked good. Until she passed and I saw a flash of some white granny panty underwear.
The problem is that she couldn't have even attempted to pull it down. It was at the end of its rope letting her butt be the crescendo to her ensemble. I couldn't believe it!. I mean if the "dress" is that short, that means its a . . . SHIRT!!!!!
No matter how cute you think it is, no matter how much they won't look as good to you with bottoms, that does not mean it is acceptable as a dress!!!
After that I decided to see how many girls were following along with this trend before I passed judgment on a whole generation as being oversexed enough to not care if I, or anyone else for that matter, can see their derrière in broad daylight with no chance of avoidance.
More and more girls arrived and low and behold PANTY FLASHINGS ENSUED!!! I could not believe it!! In fact when I was thinking that too many girls were having this problem and it couldn't get any worse, I sadly spotted a girl who was not wearing panties but rather SPANX!!! I've got nothing against Spanx but seriously if you are conscious enough to wear something to slim your appearance wouldn't you not want to advertise the fact that you're wearing it!!!!
Frankly the only time and place for this sort of attire would be if your profession involved a lot of walking in the night hours in a shady area. Yet I was at a high school graduation on a Saturday night at 7pm. What's even worse is that I could tell 70% of the girls sporting this look were "minors". Maybe as minors they need some direction from gee, I don't know, parents/guardians???!?!??!?!
The only way I would think it could be cute, intentional, and passable in my book is if it were part of a swimming ensemble or some cute babydoll PJ set.
Don't get me wrong I'm totally a fan of the miniskirt and minidress I think they are adorable. But if you're going to wear them consider the cut!!! Don't try to wear a 5 inch skirt that's cut so full the wind from a fly's wings will blow it up!
Hopefully we can de-skankify the next gen after this one. Maybe they'll learn through pop culture that Celebs may get away with this sort of thing but most people don't want to see those things on a day-to-day level.
Enough on that rant and rave for now. I'm starting to go into shock. I may need some form of a PTSD treatment now.