in response to the open call, i nominate my own damn self to be proud of.

i just woke up, and it is 10:46 and i feel like i have a hangover.  but it's just fatigue. 

i cant step foot in that damn place without being accosted.

sometimes by people who want to help, and so you tell them what you need, and they argue with you!  and they demand more!  and you have already given them more than they can possibly get done and your brain is JELLO and they are like, 'but what ELSE?  if we get all that done?"

ok, so, that really only happens with one single person.  well, the arguing happens with plenty.  wtf is up with people arguing?  i dont WANT the giant, MAROON, double freaking booth seat as an ACCENT somewhere, for fuck's sake!

and last night i had a dream i was having an affair with TAB (who is an aging hunk, have i mentioned?  and very very talented. i mean, all the crap doesnt negate those two things). so we were having an affair, and i was sitting behind him at the bar, smushing my boobs into his back and nuzzling into his neck behind his ear, and he called it off.  he said i wasnt going to work because i was falling in love, and an affair really requires a faceless blonde with a nice big ass.  thats what he said.

and i dreamt someone stole my wallet, but returned it, since it had no money in it.  and i dreamt i had to go grocery shopping, and the carts were HUGE and filthy, and i could fit what i wanted in the little seat area - but i remembered that my friend told me that the seat area is loaded with FECES BITS, so i was really in a bind.

maybe this isnt fatigue, maybe its swine flu, and i will miss the grand opening.  which, by the way, its official - it is not a real grand opening.   we will not be open right away.  we dont have our board of health permit and the building inspector has not been there.   

so, yeah.  i nominate me.  because i have done an amazing thing here, and i am copping to it.  i have exceeded my own expectations by so far it ain't even funny. i have persevered, with all the attendant bullshit.  i have soothed where feelings were ruffled.  i have politely told people to stuff their poor people prejudices up their asses when necessary.  i have built a community center that can greatly benefit my community.  and even now, i can and do weep with the honor of doing all this.  i just wish it weren't so hard.