How dare you send that letter. What's wrong with you? Don't you know that poor chap is stressed out over this family member being in town arguing with him? How dare you expect this individual to value education. Don't you know these are the future leaders of the world? I mean, think about it, you should allow this individual to make excuses and further perpetuate his lack of integrity and irresponsibility. Oh, wait, what's integrity? I've never heard of that. Professor, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for thinking you could make this person care about your class. I'm sure this individual probably just left my class and came straight to you! I should have sent you the memo: School is just like the now defunct variety show 'Whose line is it anyway?' Where the game is made up and the points don't matter!

I feel your pain ;0). I have found that graduate students tend to make more excuses and to feel more entitled than undergraduates. Hope you get some rest over the break ;0)

Amen, Dorinda, they are so arrogant and know everything. They actually think they are the equals of their profs. Olga I love your biting humor. You satirically capture exactly what's wrong with higher education

Nice piece!

Rated!

Maybe scouring YouTube or Facebook will yield a more legitimate excuse for your student. At any rate, it's unfortunate that so few recognize what full commitment means these days. Unlike Olga Little, I say, write on, Prof.

A little perspective can do a youngster a lot of good Jason.
Good job.

rated
Greg

Thanks Folks: Greg and Suede. I'm usually not this harsh, but sometimes it is called for

Oh, my! I bet that poor chap is still crawled up in the fetal position sucking his thumb with his other hand stuffed in his pants. And you did it all without one cuss word. Good discipline!
I was a houseparent at a runaway shelter and got a similar call from a social worker who called to tell me she had just had a fight with her boy friend and would not be able to attend court with one of our girls. I had to go instead and listen to her father's lawyer savage her concerning the father's years of molesting her. I wish my response would have been as classy and eloquent as yours.

Here is one thing you could try in the future just for fun.
Add another paragraph that offers a deal. This would be a good one: To show that I am not totally insensitive to your plight I suggest the following deal. You have ten days to make up all the work of the seminar and provide me a 3500 word essay. The topic will be The Idaho Potato Commission. I would like a thorough report on the topics covered on their website. Any quotes used will not count as part of the 3500 word count although they will be much appreciated. Good luck!
This sounds silly but I am serious. I used this technique while teaching high school and the word spread and became legendary especially when I made the student rewrite it twice. The topic was the history, cultivation and marketing of zucchini. I am serious, I really did that and thought it brilliant and great revenge. Just a thought.

I used to send letters like that to Pharm.D. students, many of whom were anal-rententive little cretins. Then they'd e-mail the Dean, though..."I didn't think we had to do any paperwork for our summer rotations. Because it was summer..." They wouldn't let me bite them, either...

Idaho, I love it. I'll use it for sure. Your sensibilities are so similar to mine

Sometimes an excuse works...sometimes not!

This obviously is one of the "not's."

Woulda loved to have been a fly on the wall when the student read that note, Jason.

Loved it.

I understand your frustration -- though I do wonder at how angry you were at someone who cared enough to write. After 30 years I have mellowed. I used to have some of the same feelings. Taking out your frustrations on a student who cared enough to write seems ill-advised, though I agree with you. I was on a hiring committee and a woman applied and said that she had done her orals in full labor. The question we debated was does it show common sense when you walk out of the building and deliver in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital --- would you want that woman in your department -- or would calling and saying you were in full labor and were a few hours from delivery have shown more of the kind of person you would want to work with?

I agree, we have diluted in many respects the rigors of Graduate School, and I do see far better work out of many of my under grads.

I think there is a time and a place for everything, and you chose both the wrong time, and the wrong place to throw your frustrated temper tantrum. An adequate reply might have been: I started but did not finish your post. You have an INC until you meet with me and we talk.

I have worked with basic skill students in their fourth estate encampments around the Midwest, From grades 1-2 through adult. And understand that 'sacrifice' means 'to make sacred'. Unfortunately Philosophy does not teach one to read the heart of a student, and you have not yet realized that it's not about what you have done, it's about what your students have done. With 5 Masters and a Doctorate I have learned that both students and their professors jump through the hoops of Academia. And we all define Character in different ways. In Vietnam I learned, as a Corpsman, my job was to run into live fire and bring a Marine back to safety, as an El. Ed, Teacher in Special Ed I learned that my job was often more counseling and listening, than teaching and talking, And in college I often learned that my job was to shape the far too deficient skills of the freshling. At University, I learned that my job was to help students assume the responsibility of leadership -- often by walking my talk. Life is hard -- and you can respond with a heart of Love, or a letter of frustrated, pent-up, anger -- and as cathartic as that might seem -- I hope you do not expect that student to learn to talk to his subordinates that way -- many a brilliant thought comes from the student who is Loved. And that does not mean you accept the excuse, but you explain it in a tone of voice that the student can accept -- I agree with what you said, but how you said it makes you only a little less barbaric than those who took down the Buddhas -- Some things need a face-to-face TALK -- an exchange -- and you might learn something from your student, and your student would learn a lot about you in how to accept responsibility.

As for the WTC, I didn't care much one way or the other so a mother who gets up for work is not much more than an ant that scurries from a mound at sunrise. I have compassion, but little care, she is only a fictional icon to me. When my mother died, I took a day or two to travel to the funeral, and she and I were best friends -- when my dog of 17 years died suddenly while on a walk, I excused classes early several times so I could morn and weep in my office. Compared to them, your prep time means nothing to me, nor does your doctorate, nor did mine to me. And as for your evaluation of my character, why would I care? Just as my silver and bronze stars and purple hears mean nothing to me -- who in their right mind gives silver stars for perpetuating the horrors of war? No school I have ever been in. Honors bestowed by brutal people mean little, honors bestowed by those who Love mean far more, and teach lessons we cannot expect to see bloom for years.

I love the letter. But you have only ONE annoying student? Between my husband and I, we have at least a dozen at any one point. I could go on and on about the entitlement, the insults to our intelligence -- one grad student of my husband's has had one student with 4 grandfathers dying -- but I won't. You already know the drill.

I made it a habit to ALWAYS have a nickel on top of my desk. Because every semester, at least one student would pound on the desk and explain that their tuition was paying my salary. And I would offer then the nickel, and tell them "Here's your share back."

All that time whoring with drug companies, why couldn't they understand that past their tuition, it still cost money to educate them?

Desert and River skys,
I feel the need to defend Jason on this one. But before I do I would like to share that you and I have similarities. I have jumped through hoops for advanced degrees. I taught Special Education and agreed with your assessment of that work. I taught for 25 years and have been working as a social worker or mental health counselor for 15 other years. I think we are probably near kindred spirits and have a lot in common. However, your response bothered me.
First, if you agree that graduate programs are being diluted then why be a part of it? For a young freshman perhaps your approach would be appropriate. But for a student in an advanced program to use such a lame excuse and then ask the Jason take his time to make up for his problem is not really kind as it just reinforces irresponsibility, which is a poor thing to teach someone.
Perhaps your suggested response is superior. Perhaps it isn't. You feel comfortable making the judgment that Jason was wrong but do you have all the information needed to make that judgment? I thought his response and points honest, sensible and respectful. He didn't attack him or threaten him. His was an adult response to an emerging adult. As far as the fear that this student would use similar responses to subordinates in the future I have not a moment of doubt that such communications would be anything but proper. Don't you agree that this student's behavior was improper and needs to be changed? Such a missive might cause him to have a day or two of self-reflection which is rarely a bad thing.
“Many a brilliant thought comes from the student who is Loved.” This beautiful statement is one I have tried to live myself. However, I didn't sense much love for Jason in your comment. You seemed to be bitching him out for what you think are legitimate reasons but your tone is a contradiction. You are attempting to teach Jason in a negative way that you criticize him for using with his student.
Your last paragraph totally lost me. You sound like a warrior for the good. Peace.

It goes both ways. The last day of my Creative Writing Class in which we were to critique the last 6 students short stories. , the teacher not only did not show, , leaving us sitting around 30 minutes before we all gave up, he never wrote to us to explain why nor even to say he enjoyed having us in his class that semester. And the hours those last six people put in , well, they might as well have cleaned their house , their yard and their car.
So get off your high horse abut students - this teacher was getting PAID

Thanks Jason. I guess we all have our whiny student stories. I loved your response. I once had a dean at a public university change one of my student's course grades after he complained privately to her about my unfairness. She never notified me. I challenged her on it and it was reversed by her before I ever got to the Chancellor level with it. Believe it or not, I dreamed about this one night and went into the Registrar's office on a hunch and checked this student's transcript. There it was, a passing grade for the course he had failed. I had totally forgotten about this until reading your post. Hang in there!
Rated

I sympathize Deborah because yes, there are some irresponsible professors, teachers out there. And I am sorry you had to experience one of then. But between my hubby, a prof, and myself, we have 38 years of teaching experience. I have NEVER once shirked my responsibilites and neither has my husband. And I know of many other teachers who hold similar records. As for getting paid, I don't think most students, unless they TA, have a clue about how much UNPAID work goes into teaching, especially good teaching.

You hit the nail on the head, Emma. Between research and publishing (publish or perish), committees, Strategic Initiative Committies, faculty senate meetings, advising, the time to actually get the goddamned powerpoint presentation done by three in the morning, grant-writing, conferences always lasting from Friday to Tuesday, meeting with (fill in the industry/interest) on personal time, GRADING, sending e-mails out in the middle of the night in re: did you just forget your evaluation/assignment/essay/to get your drug-screen done???, etc., students have NO clue what goes into it.

Thanks folks for the comments. I stepped out for a little Xmas party downstairs, so I have missed all the fun. I don't think I was angry when I responded to the student. BUt I do think there is a class of students who need a little sterness from time to time. SOme of them really are masochistic and respond well to this sort of treatment.

Thanks folks for the comments. I stepped out for a little Xmas party downstairs, so I have missed all the fun. I don't think I was angry when I responded to the student. BUt I do think there is a class of students who need a little sterness from time to time. Some of them really are masochistic and respond well to this sort of treatment.

What! You don't think we understood the first time? I have known you for months now and you have never told me you owned a high horse and that hurts, man.

Jason, at least in Experiential Education, we never thought it was a good day if we couldn't make at least one student cry...

Wow, Jason, we have a real hornet's nest here. Enjoying the give and take as long as it stays civil. Seems to be a lot of self credentialing going on here in order to be able to seem ready and able to speak and be listened to. My credentials are in another field altogether and all my heroes are dead, so I'll just listen, thank you.
;-)

Monte

I love this discussion. But since I'm neither in education or a grad student anymore, I'll just stay out of it.

The fact is that this lack of integrity and disregard for education starts early. I teach 9th grade. Most of my students are first or second generation Americans (Mexican-Americans) or illegals. The work ethic of my students is mostly non-existent. Excuses run from "I am going to work at Wal-Mart like my Mom so I don't need your class" to "I only come here to sell stuff" to "My baby kept me up crying all night" to "I'm going to be in the NBA." The education they are receiving for free means little. I try to explain their parents or grandparents came here to better their lives..and that education is not really free--but if they aren't the ones paying, they don't care that someone is ("It's probably rich people.")...the children seem to feel that anything is "better" so why bother, and that they are somehow owed an education. And when they are concerned about passing, a 70 is--therefore it's quite fine. I do not know where this attitude comes from. I have been at this school for three years and I continue trying to find new ways to get through my students that education matters and integrity and self respect is reflected in the work you do. I can imagine that it's just a stretch that if and when some of my kids get to grad school, the lackadaisical attitude will continue on. It has become so hard to fail a student in the system, that kids just get passed on if they make any effort at all. Is it that big a stretch to imagine them getting passed on through college, too?

Interesting thread.

There are exceptions, but most teachers are not in it for the money--good thing because we aren't making much of it--therefore, at least on the college/university level, we tend to overwork ourselves rather than under. This makes us a bit feisty when students ask even more from us, even resentful.

I could say so much more on this (I just deleted a large chunk of text because its too much for a comment thread). I will leave it at this: I don't expect students to care about my personal issues (though they may), and neither do I care about the student's (though I may). I offer sympathies when tragedy strikes--I am a willing ear, I can refer the student to other departments that specialize in student's psychological needs--but I don't give passing grades without passing performance. I make this fact clear to my students at the beginning of every term. I refer to my expectations constantly throughout the course, therefore, when they fail there are no surprises.

My rationale is that the "real" world operates this way. Why shouldn't college? Failure in college is preferable, however, than failure in the real world. It absorbs failure more easily; recovery time is more swift. College is the ideal time to fail. If not here, where?

So much more to say...

The life of a tenured academic is about as easy as it gets. Would you rather be shoveling shit? would you rather be working on some construction site in the middle of january freezing your ass off for 10 dollars an hour? If you can't show a little compassion for those under your care, then you shouldn't expect any compassion when you might need some. If it takes you 12 hours to prepare for a 3 hour lecture, you don't know your material well enough. Shit happens. I teach five classes with three diffent course preps for way less money than you make and no benefits and raise a nine-year-old and I'm grateful for the life I have. I just sent a draft out to my agent and I think he's good and I think my prose is good and if it doesn't sell, I'll be teaching five classes a semester for the rest of my life, and I'll still be grateful. And when a student comes to me with problems, I remember that if it wasn't for the kindness of others I'd be shoveling shit somewhere instead of teaching and hanging out in coffee shops and I try and pass that kindness on. You are priviledged to have the job you do. Be kind to your students. Most of them have a lot more on their plates than you imagine.

Although I think there are times when absences are acceptable - and the opportunity for the STUDENT to work very hard to make up for the lost class should be given - they should be much fewer and far between. As a student who worked very hard to earn the grades I did, it was always frustrating to be working twice as hard as the next guy, and getting things in on time, and then the professor would allow them to turn it in sloppily (not how the syllabus described) and late. There were several upper-level classes I took in which I was the ONLY student to turn papers in on time - something I lost no small amount of sleep to do - and then the professor would say, since "everyone" was late, that he extended the time. I have never turned in a late assignment. There were many times I left going, "why did I bother?"
As a student frustrated with what other students get away with, thank you for taking a stand.

I agree with Renee. These excuses start early on in life, this just didn't happen in grad school. I have a friend who owns a daycare in a low income area. She tells me how when they send the homework home, it doesn't get done. Now we are talking about children between the ages of 3-6. My sister teaches middle school in an affluent suburb. She often talks about her students lacking integrity. They make excuses for not doing their work and so do their parents. The parents are upset when she gives the kids consequences for their negative behavior. I teach at the high school level and I have a lot of students who come to school with nothing. Yes, I mean absolutely nothing. The majority of them are living at or below the poverty level and they see nothing wrong with this behavior. Some of my friends that teach at the undergraduate level have the same issues.

People, we need to wake up and smell the cocoa beans. We did this to these students. We told them they can be whatever they want to be, but we didn't mention they had to WORK HARD. We don't have and standards or guidelines for anything. I guess we threw them out with the bathwater. When I worked in the corporate world, most of the people didn't care about your personal life, they just wanted to know if you could complete the task that you were hired to do. I don't think Jason was being insensitive, he was trying to show the student some responsibility. If he allows this student to make up the work, then other students will try to pull the same mess. When will this foolish behavior stop? I guess this is one of the reasons Americans are lagging behind when it comes to education. There is no value place upon it.

Ben at least you have an agent. I've had 3 but am without one now. he point is students have to be taugh responsibility. The same for Aaron. This student needed to learn by example. That's all. That's the point of using my life as an example. He got the point.
Desert--I've tried letters of love, but for slackers they just don't work at all.

Actually Emma and those who think as a student I have no idea what teachers go through . You're wrong , I am married to a professor of education. Isee a person who does a lot of work , but a person who loves that work.
I am a non traditional older student, Another horror story from this semester is a different professor who handed out a syllabus in Sept.stating that for every three absences here would be a drop of one letter grade.
However come Nov. she said she would accept 1 extra piece of make up work for every three days missed...some students were able to make up for more than 9 absences. Yet when I asked if I could do extra work to bring my grade up 1.6 points so that could get an A , instead of a B ,I was denied.
You get paid whether your student shows up or not. As a nurse I get sent home if the floor census , which is done ever 4 hours , drops.

Hi Deborah:
I think there are profs from hell, but I really think they are in the minority and usually their beahvior is reactionary because of student apathy or some other behavorial problem

jason- I hear you saying 2 out of 4 professors being fair and decent wasn't bad in a semester.A 50% rate for an education I am paying for from my own pocket.Not to mention the military and Pell students I am subsidizing with my taxes , that permit such teachers to be employed at all.
I think you're missing what I'm trying to point out . There are good students, as well as your featured one from hell. Why is a person who is in education focused on the deficits?

You shirk off the responsiblity of poor professors as being the the fault of apathtic students, while you decry the lack of accountability students.

At least be consistent with your demand for taking responsibility!

Aaron I've been teaching for 13 years at 5 different institutions--my current position is my last and final--, you'd be shocked at the types of graduate students who get let in. Yes, many are irresponsible in ways that are unimaginable. Vocational calling is not the reason a lot of them venture in; often a lack of direction, purpose, not knowing what to do with their lives. Higher education on both the grad and undergrad level is becoming a branch of hand holding social services. This student was just one among many. WHen I was doing my Ph.D at Purdue tons of graduate students were expelled from the program because they were, yes irresponsible.

Kids these days. Psheeee....

I've often remarked that teaching is the best job in the world... if it weren't for the students, it would be perfect.

I have had horrible fights with family members in the morning, only to be in class later that morning.

Rated.

Leslie.Thanks for the comments. Like most students who are confronted, he became at first, defensive and then profoundly apologetic. In fact, he became quite close to me after that, offering to lend me books I hadn't read etc

Loved it! Can I borrow your letter? For my students, for my children sometimes, and for many adults wrapped up in their small lives. Rated and added as friend!

Marcela you can use it anytime. It's now public property--inserted inthe public space (smile). all best.

It's sad to me that parents are evidently no longer teaching children the lessons of integrity and personal responsibility and consequences. I applaud your letter; even though it was professional, it will have the effect of knocking that sense of entitlement right out of him.

Thanks KArin and Lisa. Karin the letter is yours! Feel free to use it. That would make my day.
J

As Idahospud said, "His was an adult response to an emerging adult." Amen - I am trying to nudge my students into adulthood, not push and shove them, and that is what Jason's letter does.

Still, I fear that making a 9/11 reference is hitting below the belt. There are people out there with horrible personal 9/11 memories, and I would prefer not to risk raising that ugly memory in a vulnerable student.

I would have thanked the student for telling me that he couldn't make it and instructed him to get the content from a classmate. It is not my responsibility to see that he makes up the content, but an additional assignment to bring the point home might change his future behavior.

Jason, I sympathize with your position and admire your intentions, but did you actually believe that you could banish "all our culture's false, egalitarian pretentious postmodern nonsense?" Really?

Oops....the referent is the noun directly preceding the pronoun.

I meant that Jason's letter nudges, not shoves. Sorry.

Your letter brings up a great point about our country, one that I love and defended for 20 plus years of my life, we all seem to have better things to do than what we should be doing. Your letter is great, keep using it. We are blessed here in the US and we take it all for granted.

Hmmmm. For my two cents, when a student comes to me with that kind of excuse, I just reply that they are an adult and can make their own choices; however, their lack of participation in my class will have an affect on their learning and the outcome of the class. Period. Nothing personal. I've found it unwise to assume anything about a student and their reasons for attending/not attending class. Two examples: I had an African-American student who was constantly late to class or missing class. Before I chastized him, I asked him why. He lived in the inner city and was the guardian of his little brothers and sisters, and couldn't always make class. He told me I was the ONLY professor who hadn't made assumptions about his dedication to coursework and ASKED him why he didn't come to class. Second, I had a student that was 30 minutes late to class last September 11th. I don't live or teach in NYC, so the date passed by me this year unnoticed. When the student entered class, I thought about making a big deal about his tardiness, but decided not to. After class I asked him what was up, and he told me that his dad died in the twin towers, and my class was the first class he'd attended on the 11th since 2001. So... You never know.

I can't speak to what high-level administrators make at Va. Tech but north of the border, they often make 2 to 3 times a prof's salary, plus receiving perks like cars, first-class travel and even apartments close to the university even though they own homes nearby. The dean who oversees the faculty where my husband teaches earns more than $200,000 a year. This at a time when all profs, TA's and other salaries are frozen. My husband's dept. is one of the biggest of its kind in the country and it has NO secretary/receptionist. Of course, the dean has one all to himself. My hubby got a raise last year after not having one for more than a decade and he is an award-winning teacher and international expert in his field. He is expected not only to fund all of his work travel -- we waited more than a year for partial reimbursement the last time he attended a conference -- he must also do all of his research applications. They take a minimum of 2-3 weeks and involve massive paperwork. Bureaucrats who've never been in a classroom in their lives -- and often corporate sponsors -- decide if they will be accepted or not.

Teaching may not be digging ditches, but my husband works a minimum of 80 hours a week, has a lot of grad and doctorate students and cares deeply about what his students and his profession.Not all profs do of course, but most do. The idea that a teacher must be bad at their job if they have to prepare extensively for classes is ludicrous -- my husband is in the legal field and uh, laws change. Twelve hours is NOTHING in terms of his prep. Plus, he is committed to making his lectures interesting for his students.

It irritates me that if someone complains about their job or how it has changed, or how attitudes have deteriorated, then they must automatically be overpaid or lazy or somehow inadequate. Bullshit, if I may put it plainly.

Jason -perhaps you should ( to quote you)"be aware that who you are and the strength of character you build is driven by the daily choices you make"

You wasted your time lambasting a student who bothered to share a personal problem with you, instead of just not showing up or saying his grandmother died..Now you crow to the world your self righteousness and willingness to use 9/11 as some kind of vicious tool to prove to a student how shitty and worthless they are in comparison to you who never missed a class.You typify the man who prays on the corner so all can see what a religious man he is.

I think its obvious what kind of characer your daily choices have created

Jason, your letter back to your student was a gift to him, pure and simple. That you took the time to share with him a different perspective sounded like it was a powerful lesson for him, once he got over his defensiveness. I will confess to having children like him. My children were spoiled and became entitled and full of excuses. I was part of a generation that cared more about our children's "feelings" than we did responsibility. If any of our children were involved in any kind of sport, every kid got a trophy. Every kid was "special". We did them a huge disservice. They totaled cars and their father and I fixed them and handed them right back. We were parental idiots. When our children were in high school and college, they were the excuse kings and queens. It was always the teachers fault, the professors fault. I got smart enough to say to them, "Really, do you see the pattern here? The only constant theme in all your stories is YOU". Too little too late. They are now 21, 23, 24 and 25. My 2 oldest dropped out of college despite the luxury of having a father who could send them anywhere they wanted to go. My 24 year old just graduated from college after 6.5 years (that means 2.5 years worth of excuses). I would have dropped on my knees in gratitude if I found one just one of my children's professors sent them an e-mail like that. I'm happy to say that it's never too late, and my now "grown-up" children have stopped with the excuses. They have matured despite their parent's unintentional enabling. The oldest has a kick ass job because he's a terribly bright guy in a field where your expertise is more important than your education, the second is back in college, the 3rd done, and the 4th in her 3rd year of college knowing that excuses are no longer an excuse.

I find it rather silly the microscopic critical view some have taken to your letter, a letter that most professors would never have taken the time to write...just given a simple yes or no. You are a true teacher Jason and thanks for sharing this great story with us.

I went to law school at night, attending Monterey College of Law in Monterey, California. I, and most of my classmates, had a full time day job and our average age was around 35. We had 2 weeks between each of the three semesters that our school demanded we attend. the schedule was rigid, you couldn't opt out of Summer semester, some required classes were only given then. It was exhausting but rewarding.

There were 45 people who were in my class on the first day of class. 32 graduated, and that was with the addition of about 5 from earlier entry dates. It was hard work. It wasn't Harvard, it was a community law school, for which I have been ridiculed by people whose parents paid their tuition. Some jerk on Salon.com called my law school a diploma mill. What a goofy idea! The bar exam levels the field no matter where you go to law school.

There is a great deal of snobbery in education, and there are those who really think the degree ought to be handed to them if they just do the time, as if graduate education is a prison term with a certificate upon completion.

I paid my own way through. I am still paying off educational debt. I think in 4 years I missed fewer than ten classes. I didn't ask the professor for anything. I asked my study partners to share notes and recordings of the lecture. We did that for one another. We wanted our study partners to succeed, after all, they were serious students who were going through one hell of a grind.

Of those forty-five students who began with me, I can remember sitting behind one student who spent the entire time she was there drawing horses. She flunked out at the end of the first semester. Only about 27 of the students who were admitted to my class graduated with me. Some of us had to drive an hour each way to get to a class that lasted three hours. Whiny excuses just wouldn't have made any headway and people who gave them wouldn't have gotten any help from their classmates. Our professors were also practicing attorneys & judges in the community where most of us would later practice law. Giving the kind of excuse that Jason's student gave would have simply been a direct entry into a very public resume. I had one classmate who was among the 5 students who joined our class. He was a doctor who had served in the Gulf War. Such excuses wouldn't have flown in our cohort. I can't remember once ever hearing such an excuse. While we had a student who excelled and was always at the top of the class, the registrar told me that there was .2% spread in our class. That made being ranked 27th not so hard to take.

Jason, I would write the same letter in my own way. I don't hold a grudge against those who are born to privilege, I just expect performance the way it was expected of us at Monterey College of Law. Any thing less is a disservice.

Sometimes the teacher has to put the student's mind in perspective. I get upset with people who are no punctual. They give me excuses and I tell them that I went through 12 years of school and then 4 years of college and was never late to school. I spent three months on crutches in college with torn ankle ligaments and was a commuter and had to part a mile or more away from 8:00 am classes carrying a heavy book bag with the crutches and still was never late for class. Many times I went to bed at 4am and still made it up for class every day. That usually shuts them up. It's not being mean if you're trying to help them.

Sometimes the teacher has to put the student's mind in perspective. I get upset with people who are no punctual. They give me excuses and I tell them that I went through 12 years of school and then 4 years of college and was never late to school. I spent three months on crutches in college with torn ankle ligaments and was a commuter and had to park
a mile or more away from 8:00 am classes carrying a heavy book bag with the crutches and still was never late for class. Many times I went to bed at 4am and still made it up for class every day. That usually shuts them up. It's not being mean if you're trying to help them.

Mary thanks for the astute comment. It hits home and is really to the point. Grift your encouragemenbt is inspiring. Renee you are so right about how hard it is to fail in this type of system
THanks folks for all the encouragement and comments--positive and negative alike . I've had some private emails questioning whether or not i am in the right profession. Teaching is my passion and I get nominated for all types of teaching awards by my students. This very student came to thank me and we became quite close. So, I rest my case as to my vocational choice.

What I find ironic about a bunch of educators moaning about their students' lack of integrity or work ethic is that when I was working on my masters in education to be a school counselor; the teachers were the ones that would contract for a "c" so that they didn't have to do all the work. They expected more from their own students then they were willing to do themselves! Please, don't give me the sob story of how hard their job is and teachers don't have time to do all that work. Both of my parents are teachers and neither of them would have EVER thought to have contracted for a lesser grade when they were working towards their masters and doctarates. Besides that, the work I had to do in those masters classes were the easiest, cheesiest crap I have ever had to do, but I did every bit of it and had a 4.0 gpa. all while being a single mother, a member of the school board and working a full time job.

If anything has contributed to this rampant lack of integrity and work ethic, its the molly coddling idea that every child who participates in an activity should get a medal or a trophy, and the dumbing down of our education so that "no child gets left behind". We don't allow our children to learn the hurt of not accomplishing, not winning or not passing and therefore they feel entitled.

If you want to lay a good old fashioned catholic guilt trip on someone; do it to the person that taught your student that if they were too emotionally distraught to attend your seminar they are entitled to the Prof. doing more work so they don't fall behind.

As an adjunct instructor in a community college most of students tend to be pregnant, and schedule birth just about three days before finals - in the last two classes I have had four births before the end of the semester. I try to work with them, but it can be hard, flip side as an adjunct I did have tenure or anything to worry about and I tend to do what I want and just make sure I have a beer before I read my student evaluations - On Jan 20th I will try my first batch of MBA Grad Students - wish me luck. Great Writing as always.

Jason -- after reading all the posts now - we all have flakes -- and we all have overachievers. The student who is in the room five or ten minutes early -- and the ones who are always 5 o r10 minutes late. When I went to college I tried to be about 1 or 2 minutes late -- just so the proff would know me -- but I was bright, attended nearly every class, was asked to serve on many faculty committees as a 'student rep' -- so I kind of fell in between -- being late was a recognition tactic that almost never failed, the proff knew me very early on in a class. And my questions were never stupid -- I'd read and write over and above. Probably very much like you. And I learned to always work in the kitchen so there was never a problem getting free food.

When I worked in a one room school with one aide, we NEVER took a snow day, even if I had to take my old land rover and winch my way up a grade to the mud drive ways of my students who lived, mostly, without running water and mostly wood heat. For three years we never missed a school day -- and I was there at 5 AM to start our fires, and hand-pump water into the water tank so we'd have pressurized water -- never say die, suck it up and just do it.

Here is what I've learned -- I don't know the student. He is not like you, nor was he like me. The fact that he wrote you tells me he cared, but not if it was the 10th e-mail. I don't know what he was like in class -- was he preped all the time-- or was he continually and constantly lost? Sometimes, most of the time, I found learning fun -- and expansive -- I could laugh and joke -- and I loved taking tests because it was an adrenalin rush. I was a student that you could both hate and love.

I was the same kind of teacher -- sometimes I was early and completely ready -- and sometimes I was late -- and I wish I could say it was because I was working with another student -- but sometimes I was reading and time slipped away and I just had to finish the section or paragraph after my alarm would go off -- or I'd meet another faculty member on the way to class and we had important things to say to each other -- not just the hi-how are you? but things like -- "The new Nikons came in and they are out on the loading dock in the snow -- I got a call from Mary and she said that some of the boxes are beginning to crumple --- and Maintenance is too busy with the plows . . . ." kind of thing. S0 I, too sinned.

And we are two different kinds of people -- I've spent most of my life in school, and loved play time and recess and reading and math and having fun, always the optimist. I've been offered everything from sex to a LOT of cash money to pass a student and always wondered what I'd do -- and all I could do was smile and laugh and say no thanks. I'd explain as much as I could to a kid very desperate to pass, that it wasn't fair to him -- screw the rest of the class, it was HIM or HER that was being gypped if I passed them after being in class 5 or 6 times during the semester. My step father, also a proff, once told me he wrote a letter of recommendation where all he could say was 'This student does not allow academics to interfere with her serious social life."

I was caught up in the spirit of Christmas -- of being a strong wall of you know what has to be done, let's talk.

I've found that sometimes it's me -- though most of the time it's the student. In grad school you'd think students have skills, but they come from many different colleges and universities and have different sets of skills and teacher expectations.

The time I spend is of little import -- it's always been that way for me. It's generally fun time, staying current, learning something new, and sometimes finding out that what I once thought was true isn't -- or enforcing academic traditions -- you cheat and you are not just out of my class, you are out of the program, and I WILL bring charges against you-- don't test me. I was, three times, and two were readmitted the next semester. But it's all part of the game that we call education.

You take it far more seriously than I do. I'm relaxed, easily approachable, if I see trouble I try to head it off by a light comment to a student that I have something for them in my office so stop by sometime soon -- no embarrassment in class. I sat in a stats class once and the teacher began lecturing in math I didn't even know existed -- and did for two classes, berating us for not knowing, it was brutal -- students left in tears -- and her Friday class was: don't ever forget what it's like to not know something.

I thought I'd learned the lesson -- but apparently I forgot -- I forgot about those kids who never show -- grad or not -- who do the barest minimum of work that any freshling could match. THOSE kind of students.

And I forgot that our teaching styles are different, that we all react to frustration in different ways. When I was in the one room school, I had a 6th grader who had finished up high school math, and was having some trouble with graphing equations in second semester college algebra -- and we had a chance to enter a math contest and he didn't want t0. I thought about our underfunded school, how great it wold look for our school and our district of three one room schools -- one of which was 28 miles by snowmobile after the sometimes 5 miles of four wheel drive -- and i thought how good it would make me look as a teacher -- when in fact, it was simply an innate ability of the kid -- he loved math. So I yelled at him. I berated him. And it took but a moment for me to realize that it was my own selfish desire to have him SMOKE every sixth grader in the state.

And at that moment I had an epiphany: it wasn't about what I wanted, it was about what the student wanted. And it changed my universe forever.

Now I far more tolerant of different learning styles, and of living situations. The students in that school who never needed to use the school showers were the kids who lived in the tent and hauled their water in the back of their parents truck -- they were clean and their clothes were clean. Students lower down on the road were at the the last power pole, and there were times I'd have to take them home to change their clothes -- or to take a shower which meant chopping even more wood to keep the water hot --

I began to listen to my students -- and understand that things which would never affect me, would devastate them -- just as my mother dying took me two days -- away from school and I was back -- when my dog died, it took me months to get over it-- sometimes letting class go early because of my grief -- she was more friend to me than I was to myself. My mother was easy, my dog was one of the most difficult things I've gone through and I've gone through some horrific things in my life.

So -- Jason -- I'm sorry I jumped you -- I forgot what it was like to not know. I've thrown kids out of my class, in college they have no right to be there -- it's a privilege. I've gotten students thrown out of our programs -- it's a privilege to be there. I always offer them the opportunity to drop out if they want -- it's easier all around -- take a semester of F's and make it up and they magically go away. I try to explain to a student that they'd rather have an F than a D -- but it's their choice -- some chose the D -- go figure.

So we teach different subjects, mine often allow me to be far more laid back and accepting that yours -- and I don't know the student or how or what he did in class -- and maybe he did need to know that you spent hours getting ready for a class that no matter what he does, he'll never get the full benefit from -- WE ALL know the proff who makes hand outs for two years, and never makes another one. I try to never keep any around so I'm not tempted -- it's not reinventing the wheel because I know where the information is, but as I grow, so does my knowledge and my classes change -- you and I share that.

So-- different teaching styles, and I forgot I didn't know -- I do apologize. I think we share many things in common -- though one thing is as I've aged, I sure wish kids with the flu or a cold would stay home and sip chicken soup -- and spend the day in bed -- it makes my life easier. And I have more fun teaching.

And if you are a Christian -- have a very good new year. I'm not so I have to wait awhile . . . There IS a verse in the Bible -- "Don't let the sun go down in your anger." [Ephesians 4:26]-- and to me it means a couple of things: 1) don't go to bed angry and 2) don't let your anger turn dark, keep it bright and light.

So, I hope you accept my apology -- I enjoyed the discussion and the different threads which came out -- and I do believe we are both doing what we think is best for the students -- and if a student can't figure out their proff, I wonder where they've lived for so long.

THE first rule of being a student, I've always taught, is:

We are students,
We bow down,
Where Teachers walk,
We kiss the ground.

It's what separates Kids from Adults.

dester_and_river_ skys:
Wow what a post! Thanks for your response. I must say I have mellowed very much. That student was a very, very manipulative student--hence the anger. I think the tough hand sometimes is necessary for a certain type of passive-aggressive student, but usually I am open and willing to talk
WHat do you teach?

taught -- retired. Mostly a mix of undergrad Ed and Special Ed out of Teacher Ed. and Natural Histories of the Great Basins and Ranges out of Biology/Geology/Geography -- so kind of from the Eastern Rockies to the Western Sierra/Cascades and from Southern BC over to southern Saskatchewan and down to Northern Mexico. Depended on what they wanted me to do from one year to the next -- once they tried to switch me because they had to open another lab class -- and the kids were in the room and all I had to say was yes -- but it was one of those real science classes (Bio) where you can't really fake it until the books come in -- Geography would have been a breeze, and I had to say no, change the department and I'll teach it in geography -- but no go it was overflow from Bio and I was in Geography that semester.

But it gave me the chance to look at the area from many different view points -- and all are amazing -- no dearth of subject matter to astonish me -- Kind of like a James Michner book -- "In the beginning God Created the Heavens and the Earth, and then the Earth started to break apart and just a little while ago there was this big ocean that got squeezed out and as North America floated North, there were cracks and volcanoes and big asteroids and maybe comets and the earth started to eat itself and mountains formed and the climate changed . . . and as it changed, the plants and animals changed -- and 20,000 years ago this was still mostly all under water and 10,000 years ago this was lush rolling grass land with herds of bison and sloth and mammoth and the paleo Indians had already broken up into tribes that started killing each other right away ---and now it's mostly desert, and mostly unexplored -- because up through all those cracks and spreadings and eatings came minerals and hot water with gold and silver and uranium and . . . . Yeah, pretty amazing stuff.

I've pretty much decided that that icon of the gold and silver rush, the old man with the mule and the pack with the pick and shovel and gold pan is really a Zen Monk seeking solitude -- the gold pan is really a Wok, the pick and shovel are for gathering food and building a shelter, and the old hat is just to fool us -- we never see him face on -- so we don't see the epicanthal folds of the oriental eyes.
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Ah, passive-aggressive. I noticed a LOT of that going around before I retired. It's like a generational affliction. I'm glad I'm missing it. I'd sort of had it with the I deserve it generation.

It's hard to be a student when you've been told your entire life that 'you are OK' and EVERYONE gets an award for self-esteem reasons.

And then you get to college where people from our generation are teaching you -- and most of us worked our way through school -- and a full time load was NOT 12 units, it was 15 but most of us took 18 or in an 'easy' semester, 21 just in case we had to drop a class -- now you'd think it was time for jubilation when a student takes 12 units -- 'full time'. LOL -- And the rule of thumb of 3 hours at home (or study) for every hour in class? -- Why I tell you it just isn't fair! They have OTHER classes too you know! You'd think Grad students would have a clue -- and, actually most do -- but you do get that occasional student from a private pay-for-easy college who can't believe that five pages is nothing -- I had a grad proff in American Studies who said for a seminar -- we will meet every other week, pick a question, and you'll have the next week to research it and present a five page paper -- and we all sighed -- and he said -- NO! WAIT! YOU ARE GRAD STUDENTS! YOU CAN'T WRITE YOUR NAME IN FIVE PAGES!!!! -- Holy Devil Weed, he was right! -- I was busy typing and glanced down at my page number laying on the table next to the typewriter and it was 7! I'd gone 8 pages before I began to answer the question! --

That was too funny! --- but you see -- YOU understand -- the devil is in the detail -- and so we'd been taught so long to look for the devil, that's what we did -- and often lost the big picture in the process. Suddenly we were being asked for the BIG picture -- this was the class that got me stared towards the great basins -- the subject was Write a Concise History of the Great Basin. Most people were Soc Sci majors and did exactly that -- I'd just come from a bio background so I started there -- and despite my Soc Sci degrees, I managed to whittle it down to five pages. And I was hooked.

And in the desert where you can see someone coming 20 miles away -- there's not much claustrophobia -- no ambushing in the desert. Not much anyway. And the sky -- took enough astronomy classes to slap me down good -- it's not looking at beautiful things -- it's doing math! --- whoda thunk!!

But seldom do you see a student on fire anymore -- times have been too good I guess -- everyone is OK all the time. And Education has been cut and cut and cut enough so that while it used to attract the brightest and the best -- especially women in the lower El Ed grades, we get a few -- but most Ed classes are a joke -- and so we end up with students sent to us by teachers who either feel the pull of humanity -- I went into teaching to help bring about world peace, thinking that if we all understood each other, there would be peace, or at least a modicum of tolerance -- and was going to head over seas - but got caught up in the cycle of school and schooling -- never able to leave the nest -- the other bunch of teachers either never had a goal and with time running out, took up teaching, not for the love of it, but because it was a last ditch effort, or because it was easy to do once you got in to the program -- and when teachers are needed -- we will spit them out like a little machines. And leave them with no support or REAL background foundation -- and so we get the students we get --

I can deal with a lack of motivation -- that's easy to cure with some talking -- and ignorance and being unprepared for study is easy to fix -- but some of those smug I-deserve-it students can be difficult, but not as difficult as the passive-aggressive. They can turn it on and off like a sociopath -- and it seemed to be an entire generation up and coming that does that.

Here's the bravest thing I've done -- I failed a class on purpose.

Brave, and harder than I ever imagined. It was a lab class, and I wanted to use the lab -- so I had access by taking the class again -- actually I took an Inc and let it go to an F -- and re-enrolled and did it again. But then, with a little bravery behind me, THEN I took a sign language (ASL) class that I failed so I could take it again -- and ditto a SEE (signing exact English) Sign class. wow. Take a class and fail.

Could you do that? You are an overachiever -- a grademonger -- I am. I think we share that being on fire thing. Being thirsty, and seeking that which will quench us --- and at the same time knowing it's not there. Could you fail on purpose -- or would it be like trying to drown on purpose-- you could only go so far -- and then you'd HAVE to take the breath and start to swim?

It's hard -- but for me it was liberating. And Professional Courtesy sure gets in the way.

So -- have you ever taken a class and failed on purpose?

Bravo, professor.