Jeff Howe
- Location
- Lancaster, Pennsylvania,
- Company
- Howe Original Productions
- Bio
- Jeff Howe is a bonsai enthusiast and harmonica player who has very good reason to believe that the Universe tastes like a cheap buck-fifty melon. He is a product of Walled Lake and a former Poetry Slam Champion of Milwaukee. He once shook hands with Rocky Colavito, opened for Leon Redbone and took a piss next to Mose Allison (no hands were shaken). All things considered, his best single day was July 4th, 1987 when he marched in the Marmarth, North Dakota parade in the morning, discovered a rare dinosaur skull in the afternoon, and then sat in playing harmonica with a drunken cowboy band until way past tomorrow. It's been downhill ever since. Jeff is a misemployed geologist who specializes in interpreting rock outcrops at 70 miles per hour. It's a gift. His daughter loves cows.
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “This is great. I'm gonna
sit right here and watch this
one.
I've hated and
mist…”
November 23, 2009 10:46PM - “Isn't Clostridium the
guy that predicted that the
earth will
end in 2012? No?
N…”
November 22, 2009 03:29PM - “Not to quibble with an
otherwise excellent post, but
it seems
that if you
"r…”
November 22, 2009 03:18PM - “Owl: I think each
generation has its moment. As
terrible as
9/11 was, let's
hop…”
November 22, 2009 02:37PM - “Wow. Powerful piece.
Good start on a number of
levels. Keep
writing.
Rated”
November 22, 2009 12:42PM
Jeff Howe's Links
- BEST OF...
- Mountain Cabin
- Encounter With A Hawk
- Sweet Old Burt: SOB
- Idiot, But Well-Meaning, Dog
- When The Baby Exploded
- The Next Moment
- Clueless Wanna-Be Hippie
- Church of the Holy Moly
- Reunion: Going Back To Listen
- I Witnessed A Murder
- ARCHIVE OF OTHER POSTS ON OS
- Old Baxter
- Let Me... Be Rich
- Physics Of Little Old Men
- Vineyard: The Harvest
- Einstein's Hammock #2
- Einstein's Hammock #1
- My Responsibility to Students
- Searching For The Old Road
- Cleaning The Wax Out...
- If Pirates Picked Grapes
- Picking Grapes/Counting Turds
- Punching Out
- Down Cascade Creek
- Civil War, Trees and Weather
- I Look Like A Guy With A Pen
- My Grandfather's Bullets
- Where Do You Get Money?
- Incident At A Drive In
- Dead Lady Rockin'
- On Ice Cream
- The Best There Ever Was
- Dawn Redwood As Bonsai (p.2)
- A Baseball Story With Cars
- The Amish (Part 1)
- Why Live In Oakland?
- Why Is Nothing Falling Up?
- Grandma To The E.R.
- Pie-Wielding Polocks
- Buddy Guy - Old Blues Guy?
- Squirrel Chicken
- Dawn Redwood As Bonsai (p.1)
- Harmonica Players
- Other Sites by Jeff Howe
- Little Big Trees - Bonsai
- Whistle Up A Rope - Stories
- Howe Original Productions
May I Have Your Attention: The President Has Been Shot
(November 22, 1963)
"May I have your attention please..."
The Principle’s voice over the public address system was stern but uncharacteristically shaken. I turned toward the 10” speaker near the door with my fellow seventh grade science students and awaited further word.… Read full post »
The Universe Tastes Like A Cheap Buck-Fifty Melon
(I've been asked to clarify a few points from my bio. This may, or may not, help.)
• • •
The dog and I were walking along the abandoned tracks in the woods next to the river. It was early Spring. The quartz and calcite we… Read full post »
Hey Facebook, Emoticon This!
“… the truncated texting-speak and the various tweets and twitterations of people with nothing much to say but less and less time to say it.”
That’s the phrase that was rolling around in my head, over and over again, when I woke up this morning. I’m never… Read full post »
The Invention Of Sex
During the first half billion years of our planet’s 4.6 billion year existence, the Earth was a very inhospitable place to live. In fact, the entire solar system was a chaotic collection of irregular protopieces, whirling around the sun in a gigantic Saturn-like ring, smashing into one an… Read full post »
Let Me, If Only Once In My Life, Be Rich
I once dated a single mom with a five year-old son. The three of us were very close and I spent a lot of time with the young boy. I liked him and he liked me. We, all three, got along splendidly.
The boy’s name was Peter, and he and his mom… Read full post »
The Physics of Little Old Men
(ONE MAN'S ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WORLD UNDERSTAND THE VEXING QUESTIONS OF BIG SCIENCE, ONE BEER AT A TIME.)
I have finally discovered the answer to a question that has plagued me since I was the youngest boy. Simply: why do little old men wear their pants cinched so high up… Read full post »
The Harvest
A Few Days Ago
The sun rose this morning upon the first killing frost of the year. Delicate grape leaves that were succulent and green when the sun went down are already beginning to curl and become brittle like the pages of an old book. The cold air/… Read full post »
Old Baxter
Old Baxter was blind on his right side and deaf on his left, resulting in a world that came to him in a strange sort of cross-channeled mono. His senses lacked focus, contrast or depth of field. For Baxter, life was a blurry, faded, black and white movie with a scratchy… Read full post »
Einstein's Hammock #2: The Tick-Tock Continuum
(ONE MAN'S ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WORLD UNDERSTAND THE VEXING QUESTIONS OF BIG SCIENCE, ONE BEER AT A TIME.)
To a child waiting for Christmas, time slows down to a crawl so slow that each tick of the clock seems to be a totally separate entity that can be held/… Read full post »
Einstein's Hammock #1
(ONE MAN'S ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WORLD UNDERSTAND THE VEXING QUESTIONS OF BIG SCIENCE ONE BEER AT A TIME)
Have you ever had the notion that Einstein was probably the only person who really understood relativity, and that the rest of us just go along with it because it seems like he must… Read full post »
In many ways, teaching is often very similar to stand-up comedy.
In both, a natural feedback loop is set up between the teacher (comic) and the class (audience). When energy is generated and reflected by both sides, it grows and multiplies. Each side feeds off the other and good… Read full post »
Mountain Cabin With A Tin Roof
In the early 1970’s, gas was cheap and great herds of hippies in Volkswagen vans roamed the land like migrating buffalo. Hitchhiking was not only a viable option, it was a sport – where a backpack, a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and well-turned thumb could take you across the country.… Read full post »
A Young Man's Encounter With A Hawk
A young man in his mid-20’s - shaggy blond hair and a scraggly, red young man’s beard - drove a school bus. The route that he drove took him through the sparsely populated, remote interior of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Following mostly dirt roads and muddy logging… Read full post »
Sweet Old Burt: SOB
My father, Burt Howe, was an enigma. He was a modern day Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. He was a man of many faces.
At times he could be the sweetest, funniest, most wonderful person in the room, bringing a fresh smile to every person that he met. He… Read full post »
Cleaning The Wax Out Of My Ears
It’s amazing.
There are little “tsszitt, tsszitt, tsszitt” sounds in the world, thousands of them, millions I suppose, and I’m not sure I’ve ever heard them. At least not recently. They are tiny, high frequency, percussive sounds that come at the beginning and the en… Read full post »
If Pirates Picked Grapes, This Is What They'd Be Like
(NOTE: This is a continuation of the story: “Picking Grapes When I Should Be Counting Turds”. It's about working in a vineyard.)
My headlights bounce errantly off row after row of sleeping grape vines as I slowly inch my way down the rutted old farm tractor… Read full post »
Searching For The Old Road
Just outside the dusty, high plains town of Ekalaka, Montana, a lonesome historical marker whistles old cowboy songs in the blowing sand. Having read the sign, your eyes scan the horizon, falling upon rolling hills, eroding buttes and dissected stretches of badlands. Nothing moves e/… Read full post »
Picking Grapes When I SHOULD Be Counting Turds
(In my last post I detailed my final shift at a hot, noisy, claustrophobic factory where I was a slave to tedium and loud radios each day until 11:00pm. The curious reader is invited to read “Punching Out” for some background. That final shift was on Friday. Th… Read full post »
Punching Out
(2:07 pm) I have been forced by circumstances to work the past two summers as a “seasonal associate” at a warehouse and distribution center the size of three football fields. A seasonal worker is nothing more than a polite corporate euphemism for “grunt” and allows manag… Read full post »
An Idiot, But Well-Meaning, Dog
There is a dog lying on the floor behind me as I write this. She followed me here from the kitchen and has been sleeping quietly since I began. If I go to the living room she will follow me there. When I go to the bathroom, she will follow me… Read full post »
Down Cascade Creek With David Lynch (with intermission...)
(AP, San Rafael, CA.) “Two Fairfax Men Drown In Stupid River Accident”
• • •
There is a huge and abiding difference between the rivers of the Eastern and Midwestern United States and the rivers of coastal Californi… Read full post »
Refighting The Civil War With Trees And Weather
The rolling ridges and valleys of southcentral Pennsylvania and northern Maryland and Virginia have always been a battleground between the forces of the North and the South. It was that way during the Civil War, it is that way with species of trees and plants, and it is that way with… Read full post »
I Guess I'm Just A Guy Who Looks Like He'd Have A Pen
A women I didn’t know and who I had never seen before, walked up to me in a room full of talking people.
I was just standing there, saying nothing.
“Excuse me,” she said, “do you have a… Read full post »
My Grandfather's Bullets
(NOTE: This story is based upon a poem that I wrote when my Grandfather died. I’ve reconstructed it here in prose. I’ve also included the original poem at the end of the written piece.)
• • •
Once, while visiting my age… Read full post »
How I Plan To Use OS
The recent surprise appearance of unsolicited advertising on my Open.Salon (OS) blog site had all the subtlety of a mid-meal call from a telephone solicitor. And like others, it has caused me to re-evaluate my role on OS and how OS fits into my own goals and plans.
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