One man's philosophy is another man's bellylaugh.

Jeff L. Howe

Jeff L. Howe
Location
Lyndon, Pennsylvania,
Birthday
April 19
Company
Visit the website: jeff-howe.net
Bio
Jeff Howe is a bonsai enthusiast and harmonica player who has very good reason to believe that the Universe tastes like a cheap buck-fifty melon. He is a product of Walled Lake and a former Poetry Slam Champion of Milwaukee. He once shook hands with Rocky Colavito, opened for Leon Redbone and took a piss next to Mose Allison (no hands were shaken). All things considered, his best single day was July 4th, 1987 when he marched in the Marmarth, North Dakota parade in the morning, discovered a rare dinosaur skull in the afternoon, and then sat in playing harmonica with a drunken cowboy band until way past tomorrow. It's been downhill ever since. Jeff is a misemployed geologist who specializes in interpreting rock outcrops at 70 miles per hour. It's a gift. His daughter loves cows. ................................................................................................................... FOR MORE STORIES, PHOTOS AND HARMONICA RECORDINGS VISIT: jeff-howe.net

Jeff L. Howe's Links

Best Of...
Stories
Essays
Humor/Irony
Review/Opinion/Commentary
Science
Geology
Teaching
History
Horticulture
Workin' For A Livin'
Other Sites by Jeff Howe
Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 12, 2012 11:08AM

A Baseball Story With Cars

Although Pennsylvania is locked in ice, the baseball season is starting up in Florida and Arizona.  The following is the best baseball story I’ve ever written that no one has read.  It is a repost here and can be found at my website (jeff-howe.net) under “Stories” as &ldq/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 5, 2012 11:37AM

Live-Blogging Parkinson's: (Re)Learning To Walk

“Keep the juices moving by jangling around gently as you walk.” – Satchel Paige

The act of walking is so basic, so elemental, so essentially human that we take it for granted.  We don’t analyze it.  We don’t think about it. We just put one foot in front of the/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 26, 2011 9:33AM

I Am Afraid

It’s the hideous, screaming, bone jarring “BAM!” that I can’t get out of my mind. 

It keeps echoing over and over and over again in my head like a gun shot going off next to my ear.  It’s the broken glass and the sudden rudeness with which my car’s pathRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 9:32AM

Recollections Of The Amish Schoolhouse Murders

 (Sunday, October 2, represents the five year anniversary of the day that a heavily armed man walked into a one-room schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania and opened fire - killing five young girls and wounding others.  I was less than five miles from the school house when the shooting occurredRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 6, 2011 12:19PM

The Darkest Age Of My Mother

At 8:30 a.m. on a blisteringly hot and humid morning – it is already 94 degrees outside - I step into the deep marble air-conditioned cool of St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Carlisle, Illinois. The dry wall of cold is at first shocking, but as I become accustomed to it IRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 5, 2011 9:43AM

The 1967 Detroit Riots From A Rooftop In Walled Lake

 DetroitRiots1967a

(Note:  Last week marked the 44th anniversary of rioting in Detroit so severe that the effects there are still being felt.  This is an account from the rural suburbs.)

The night sky to the southeast glowed a smoldering orange the color of embers, and from the roof ofRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 29, 2011 10:35AM

A Report From Behind The Dumpster

I have become convinced over the past 20 years, that I am destined to die a late-seventy-something old man, in a soiled refrigerator box over a heating grate, behind a dumpster.   Someone will find me frozen on a sub-zero morning, huddled amongst hamburger bags and cast-off blankets and shoRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
MARCH 4, 2011 10:26AM

Reverse Engineering A Rock

 GneissCobble02

It is a banded, wave-rounded cobble of gneissic rock the size of a small fist.  Likely over a billion years old, it is Canadian by birth and Michigander by design.  Wet it glistens, dry it glitters: sparkling, alternating, perfectly parallel black and white bands of minerals e/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 22, 2010 1:19PM

May I Have Your Attention: The President Has Been Shot

 

(November 22, 1963)

“May I have your attention please…”

The Principle’s voice over the public address system was stern but uncharacteristically shaken.  I turned  toward the 10” speaker near the door with my fellow seventh grade science students and a/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 18, 2010 3:57PM

A Boy In A Wheelchair Waits For A Bus

“Need any help?”  I call to the back stall of the otherwise empty boy’s bathroom at the local high school.  I can hear earnest rustling and the awkward “clunk” of a plastic urine bottle as a young boy struggles to pee.

“No, I’m OK,” comes the… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 6, 2010 2:41PM

Come To Think Of It, I’d Never Seen Him Wearing Socks

There’s a young boy, about fifteen, with multiple mental deficiencies caused by a severe automobile accident when he was young.  Although physically capable and reasonably athletic, he speaks with a lisp and can only read, count and tell time with difficulty.  He is on constant medica… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 19, 2010 10:59AM

What Girls Got In Their Pants

Based on all of the snickered comments, off-color jokes and endless references that we heard from adults, all indications seemed to be that girls had something very special in their pants.  What that might be wasn’t immediately obvious to us as ten year-old boys, at least not as obvious as… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 23, 2010 11:30PM

The Long, Long Set Of John Isner (w/ update)

 isner02

Somewhere within the greater London area right now, John Isner is sleeping.   He is sleeping the bewildered, exhausted sleep of a man who is in the middle of the longest tennis match of his life – the longest tennis match in Wimbledon history - the longest tennis match e/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 15, 2010 8:58AM

Sharing A Private Moment With Jose Canseco

(Milwaukee, 1988) 

Huge puddles of dark rainwater still filled the corners and low spots as I pulled off the quiet expressway and into the almost-empty parking lot of old Milwaukee County Baseball Stadium.  The wet pavement reflected the overhead vapor lamps and the skyline of the distant… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 1, 2010 3:09PM

Geezers Gone Wild

I was driving through the outskirts of town not long ago when I saw something that made me stop and ponder.  It was an old guy, (a “boomer” about my age actually), who had stopped alongside the road to smoke a cigarette.  He had thinning grey hair and a speckled beard. Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
MAY 6, 2010 2:43PM

I Saw A Sad Thing Today

It’s taken me all day to process it.   Up front, let me tell you that I don’t know all the details.  I have purposely avoided the details of what happened, I don’t really want to know.  The details aren’t important.  It’s the image that lasts.

I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 17, 2010 11:35AM

The Geology of the Haitian Earthquake

BrokenEgg 

The surface, or “crust”, of the Earth is like the shell of a large blue egg that has been accidentally dropped on the floor.  It is criss-crossed by jagged fractures that separate the surface into irregular pieces, often referred to as plates.  These plates float o/… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 14, 2009 10:42AM

What I Tell My Students About Global Warming

Global warming, like abortion, evolution and gun control, is one of those issues that automatically raises the hackles of people at its very mention.  I predict that your hackles are already raised, one way or the other, just by choosing to read this. You’re curious as to which flavor… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 1, 2009 7:07AM

What Is My Responsibility To Lazy, Disinterested Students?

In many ways, teaching is often very similar to stand-up comedy. 

In both, a natural feedback loop is set up between the teacher (comic) and the class (audience).  When energy is generated and reflected by both sides, it grows and multiplies.  Each side feeds off the other and good… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JUNE 17, 2009 11:24AM

Incident At A Drive-In, or: Why I Left The Catholic Church

In retrospect, looking back upon my own youth, I can’t imagine how any parent could have allowed their curious and fertile teen-aged sons and daughters to go to drive-in theaters. 

“Drive-ins” were common and enormously popular in the 1950’s through 1970’s. Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
APRIL 21, 2009 7:11AM

I Witnessed A Murder

 

It was a lead pipe about four feet long and about an inch in diameter.  When it hit the old man’s head it sounded like a baseball bat hitting a watermelon.  And when the old man’s crushed skull hit the pavement, it sounded like a canvas bag full of… Read full post »