One man's philosophy is another man's bellylaugh.

Jeff L. Howe

Jeff L. Howe
Location
Strasburg, Pennsylvania,
Birthday
April 19
Company
Visit the website: jeff-howe.net
Bio
Jeff Howe is a bonsai enthusiast and harmonica player who has very good reason to believe that the Universe tastes like a cheap buck-fifty melon. He is a product of Walled Lake and a former Poetry Slam Champion of Milwaukee. He once shook hands with Rocky Colavito, opened for Leon Redbone and took a piss next to Mose Allison (no hands were shaken). All things considered, his best single day was July 4th, 1987 when he marched in the Marmarth, North Dakota parade in the morning, discovered a rare dinosaur skull in the afternoon, and then sat in playing harmonica with a drunken cowboy band until way past tomorrow. It's been downhill ever since. Jeff is a misemployed geologist who specializes in interpreting rock outcrops at 70 miles per hour. It's a gift. His daughter loves cows. ................................................................................................................... FOR MORE STORIES, PHOTOS AND HARMONICA RECORDINGS VISIT: jeff-howe.net

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JUNE 14, 2012 11:05AM

A Tune For Candy's Brother

  OS Readers' Picks

(She goes by many names but “Candace” is her real name and how she is best known.  She is a regular contributor here and elsewhere.  You probably know her but if you’re new here you may not.  But that’s not the point.  Her brother died recent/Read full post »

JUNE 4, 2012 10:14AM

The Comforting Silence Of Men

 

I work at a school for special needs children, and, as a male, I am generally surrounded and out-numbered by women to a point of suffocation.  As an essentially harmless old man, I tend to become invisible and therefore have become something of an authority on how women act whenRead full post »

 

This particular meander began for me a number of years ago when Eric Clapton disassembled his screaming rock and roll classic Layla and lovingly rebuilt it and rearranged it into the hypnotic, folky, acoustic Layla that most people are familiar with today.  That rearrangement was an amazi/… Read full post »

(For reasons that only OS understands, it won't allow me to upload photos this morning.  To see graphic, nude photos of the dead baby doll please visit jeff-howe.net.      Also new this morning: a repost of "Unorthodox Church of the Holy Moly (stories) and/Read full post »

What exactly does a heat-packing, god-fearing, constitution-defending American have to do to vote around here?  That’s the question that many were asking here in Pennsylvania’s Lancaster County last week after the City Fathers and Mothers of tiny Marctic Township moved to have the to… Read full post »

Fortunately, realization came to me slowly rather than suddenly.  There was no revealing moment of great suspense: no shocked faces, no crying loved ones, no wine glasses dropping suddenly to the floor.  Instead it came to me in small increments of understanding: a problem, the possibility,Read full post »

FEBRUARY 26, 2012 12:59PM

Meatball's Revenge

 

His real name isn’t actually Stanley, that’s just a made-up name to protect the innocent.  And he doesn’t really look like an innocent cherub, although he does.  In fact, it’s a stretch of the imagination to call him your average eight year-old kid because he&Read full post »

Today was “Dress-Down Day” at the school where I work.  For some benevolent reason, the Powers That Be occasionally allow us to come to school in blue jeans and casual attire.  This time however, for the privilege of wearing jeans you had to hand over five bucks and wear a stickRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 12, 2012 11:08AM

A Baseball Story With Cars

Although Pennsylvania is locked in ice, the baseball season is starting up in Florida and Arizona.  The following is the best baseball story I’ve ever written that no one has read.  It is a repost here and can be found at my website (jeff-howe.net) under “Stories” as &ldq/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 5, 2012 11:37AM

Live-Blogging Parkinson's: (Re)Learning To Walk

“Keep the juices moving by jangling around gently as you walk.” – Satchel Paige

The act of walking is so basic, so elemental, so essentially human that we take it for granted.  We don’t analyze it.  We don’t think about it. We just put one foot in front of the/Read full post »

FEBRUARY 4, 2012 4:56PM

What's New On The Website

I've been busy over at jeff-howe.net this morning doing some general cleaning and posting a few new pieces:

-  the new slide show on graphics is doing very well

- there's a new blog post called "Snooze Alarm"...  I wrote it as soon as I woke up this morning.

-… Read full post »

JANUARY 29, 2012 4:12PM

A Sixty-Year Body Of Artwork

I don't really produce a lot of artwork in any given year, but I keep at it.   Now, after 60 years, I find that I do indeed have a body of work.   If you enjoy the pieces below, I invite you to visit a more extensive virtual slide show at my… Read full post »

JANUARY 25, 2012 12:02AM

Mountain Of Glass

There was a day in May of 1985 that was the single best mineral collecting day of my life.  Leaving my campsite before dawn, I gathered perfect garnets from a mountain of rhyolite, culled barite and staurolite crystals from rocky outwash slopes and stumbled upon pegmatites so fat that they seeme… Read full post »

JANUARY 22, 2012 10:33AM

Big Novak

When Big Novak went down, the first thing I thought about was her mother.  Scanning the half-empty stands I spotted her on the other side, in the top row with a knot of other mothers, head in her hands, staring at the court in shock, concern and disbelief – waiting like… Read full post »

On a crisp and frosty autumn day, the kind for which Vermont is famous, two friends pack day-packs and set out to traverse the Green Mountains from Underhill to Stowe.  One is a botanist, a champion of all that is green and alive – the magical life forms that have learnedRead full post »

JANUARY 10, 2012 10:15AM

Live-Blogging Parkinson's Disease

(I have recently been diagnosed with Idiopathic Parkinsonism, a spectrum disease with no known cause and a generally less than pleasant outcome.      I've decided  to do what writers do - I'm going to use my website to  write about this affliction until IRead full post »

 

Jeez, it’s cold outside!” 

 

This time of year that’s a comment that you hear often, especially when the north wind rolls out of Canada and works its way beneath your coat, to your shoulders and the small of your lower back.

 

But it’s NOT cold ouRead full post »

Happy New Year!

I have been working hard to fill my OS pages with rich, 14 point, Georgia* font for three years now.  It has been an honor, a pleasure, and a creative privilege to be able to do so.   In that time I have written, amongst other things, about explodingRead full post »

DECEMBER 16, 2011 10:34AM

There’s Free Beer At Adobe Soup!

The lovely and talented Candace (aka femme forte) Mann has asked me to write a “guest” piece at her sparkling new web site, Adobe Soup (adobesoup.com).  She plans to feature a series of writers in the future and I am honored to make the inaugural run. 

IRead full post »

 

There was a time when I lived in a small apartment deep amongst the redwood trees in Northern California.  Out the front door were the usual staples of apartment living: a patio, a few deck chairs and a small parking lot that led through the trees to the road into… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 30, 2011 12:29PM

Amanita's Science Project

 

I teach science classes to college art students.  At first blush that may seem an impossibility, but once you get past the purple hair, fear of math and multiple body piercings, you find them to be an endlessly fascinating source of irreverent observations and colorful stories.  TheRead full post »

NOVEMBER 28, 2011 10:15AM

The Unhandy Man

There’s a basic law of nature that immediately goes into effect whenever an unhandy person foolishly decides to become “handy”.   It is a survival-of-the-fittest notion that is unerring in its aim, striking the unhandy down with cunning precision.  Frankly, it’sRead full post »

NOVEMBER 17, 2011 11:37AM

Tom Schlegel

 

The main thing that Tom Schlegel and I had in common was the fact that we both were the only men in households full of women.   His father passed away in the great influenza epidemic of 1918 when Tom was only 6 months old.  As a result he grew up/Read full post »

NOVEMBER 14, 2011 11:07AM

Starting A Campfire To Save My Soul

matchflame01 

Forest fires that burn thousands of acres can be set with a single carelessly tossed cigarette butt.  Entire buildings can burn to the ground as the result of a tiny spark from the frayed end of a wire chewed by a mouse, and the family home can be destroyed by/… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 10, 2011 10:05AM

Hunting Season: Give The Animals Guns

 Idiots DeLuxe

Autumn is the best time of the year.  The bugs are gone, the light is low, and the leaves are turning color and swirling in the wind. The heat and humidity have retreated south, replaced by fresh, cool air sweeping down from Canada and the Great Lakes.  The woods smell/… Read full post »