One man's philosophy is another man's bellylaugh.

Jeff L. Howe

Jeff L. Howe
Location
Strasburg, Pennsylvania,
Birthday
April 19
Company
Visit the website: jeff-howe.net
Bio
Jeff Howe is a bonsai enthusiast and harmonica player who has very good reason to believe that the Universe tastes like a cheap buck-fifty melon. He is a product of Walled Lake and a former Poetry Slam Champion of Milwaukee. He once shook hands with Rocky Colavito, opened for Leon Redbone and took a piss next to Mose Allison (no hands were shaken). All things considered, his best single day was July 4th, 1987 when he marched in the Marmarth, North Dakota parade in the morning, discovered a rare dinosaur skull in the afternoon, and then sat in playing harmonica with a drunken cowboy band until way past tomorrow. It's been downhill ever since. Jeff is a misemployed geologist who specializes in interpreting rock outcrops at 70 miles per hour. It's a gift. His daughter loves cows. ................................................................................................................... FOR MORE STORIES, PHOTOS AND HARMONICA RECORDINGS VISIT: jeff-howe.net

MY RECENT POSTS

Jeff L. Howe's Links

MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
MY LINKS
Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 26, 2011 9:33AM

I Am Afraid

It’s the hideous, screaming, bone jarring “BAM!” that I can’t get out of my mind. 

It keeps echoing over and over and over again in my head like a gun shot going off next to my ear.  It’s the broken glass and the sudden rudeness with which my car’s pathRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 9:32AM

Recollections Of The Amish Schoolhouse Murders

 (Sunday, October 2, represents the five year anniversary of the day that a heavily armed man walked into a one-room schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania and opened fire - killing five young girls and wounding others.  I was less than five miles from the school house when the shooting occurredRead full post »

I shocked my daughter and my wife at dinner the other night when I announced that, at the age of sixty, I was thinking of taking up smoking cigarettes.  Carbon-green and healthy to the core, they looked at me like I was nuts.

“I dunno,” I said, “people have beenRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 10:32AM

A Postage Stamp-Sized Piece Of The Planet

(I teach an Earth Science class for college art students. This weekend we are taking a required Saturday morning field trip. I know that many of them would rather stay home in bed. I wrote this last night to hand out in class on Thursday, the day we/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
SEPTEMBER 6, 2011 12:19PM

The Darkest Age Of My Mother

At 8:30 a.m. on a blisteringly hot and humid morning – it is already 94 degrees outside - I step into the deep marble air-conditioned cool of St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Carlisle, Illinois. The dry wall of cold is at first shocking, but as I become accustomed to it IRead full post »

AUGUST 12, 2011 12:12PM

A Day At The Beach With Zeke And Glenda

China-heatwave-bea_1446685i 

 

 

(Cape Cod, late summer)

They were residents.  They lived here.  Zeke was a musician/house painter who fixed cars and wrote fiction.  Glenda was an oceanographer at Woods Hole Oceanographic.  He spent his days melding seventh chords into shape and makin/Read full post »

~ A Convoluted True Story In Five Short Parts ~ 

 

•     1     • 

It was called Engleside in the old days – the little grouping of homes, warehouses and small business that grew up where the old road south out of Lancaster crossed the ConestogaRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 5, 2011 9:43AM

The 1967 Detroit Riots From A Rooftop In Walled Lake

 DetroitRiots1967a

(Note:  Last week marked the 44th anniversary of rioting in Detroit so severe that the effects there are still being felt.  This is an account from the rural suburbs.)

The night sky to the southeast glowed a smoldering orange the color of embers, and from the roof ofRead full post »

 refrigerators01

For a brief period of time - a couple of weeks near the end of May in 1987 - I was the go-to guy for used refrigerators along the border between North Dakota and Montana.  I knew of every refrigerator for sale in a 10 county area, and anyone with/Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JULY 29, 2011 10:35AM

A Report From Behind The Dumpster

I have become convinced over the past 20 years, that I am destined to die a late-seventy-something old man, in a soiled refrigerator box over a heating grate, behind a dumpster.   Someone will find me frozen on a sub-zero morning, huddled amongst hamburger bags and cast-off blankets and shoRead full post »

JULY 21, 2011 12:42PM

Living And Dying On The Dollar Menu

(A man, very much in a hurry, pulls into the McDonald’s drive-through to pick up three quick $1.00 chicken sandwiches for himself, his daughter and the family dog.)

 

“Welcome to McDonald’s.  How may I help you?”

“I’d like three McChickens please:Read full post »

 
PoolDive01
 
 
The title says it all really.  I could stop right here.  It was simply a youthful miscalculation based upon inadequate information.  I was out of my element and showing off for the girls.  What’s a little blood amongst friends?

Growing up inRead full post »

JULY 9, 2011 3:22PM

Judy

Judy was a self-described old lady - about my age but so much younger. 

She worked across the hall as a paraeducator/teaching aide in a Life Skills classroom for mentally handicapped high school students.  She was five feet tall (if that), with skin like a worn old moccasin andRead full post »

Comments are now closed for this post.
JULY 8, 2011 10:18AM

What Color Is A Shiny Red Apple?

red-apple 

A bright red apple sits on a table beneath a sunny window across the room from where you sit reading a book.  You are too comfortable to get up and go pick it up so you stare at it for a while, hoping that it might float over to/Read full post »

JUNE 16, 2011 9:04PM

Come, Have A Colonoscopy With Me!

 

“Your job right now,” the nurse told me with a wry smile as I began to wake up, “is to pass gas.”  

I took my job seriously.

I had just awoken from a colonoscopy – the procedure where you flush your bowels so they can stickRead full post »

JUNE 15, 2011 9:57AM

The Northwest Sky Is Grumbling

It is early evening.  The northwest sky is grumbling and growling like perpetually disturbed bowels.  It’s not the dying echo of spent thunder from individual lightening strikes in the distance, but the continuous sparkle and zap of the entire horizon.  The atmosphere is electricRead full post »

There was a spring semester when I was an undergraduate that seemed would never end.  The days came and went but the semester itself dragged on and on and on.  The weather was dreary - rainy, cold and overcast, right up to within a couple of weeks of graduation.  There wasRead full post »

During the early 1990’s, I was the curator and exhibits designer at the Perkins Museum of Geology at the University of Vermont.  As such, part of my job was keeping track of specimen records related to the Vermont State Collection. 

For as long as members of the Geology DepartmentRead full post »

 

The Peter Principle, in one of its many forms, states that people tend to rise through society, being honored and promoted, until they finally reach their level of incompetence.  And then, there they remain, parked like fat cows sitting on the rails of progress.  If this principle iRead full post »

862PolishNose01sm2 

 If I let my imagination wander, the fat raindrops that strike my rain slicker with a “pop” easily become a hellish hail of lead bullets splatting into trees, splintering fence posts and shredding bodies around me.  The thick fog and mist becomes a suffocating and/Read full post »

APRIL 18, 2011 10:47AM

A Boy Whimpers Quietly In The Shower

It is 7:30 a.m.  The high school locker room is quiet and empty except for a single fifteen year-old boy who showers timidly in the corner. The sound that he emits is a low, off-key whimper.  I honestly can’t tell if he is singing or crying.  A little of both IRead full post »

APRIL 12, 2011 3:40PM

Petrified Charlie's Meadow


In 1871, Charlie Evans was tending his cattle on the upper meadows of a tight canyon that penetrates westward into the Coastal Range north of Calistoga, California.  Walking the fields with his animals, he came upon what appeared to be large windfalls of timber, uprooted and lying on their/… Read full post »

Some time in March of 2009, I clicked the join now button and became a member of the OS community.  I say “some time” because my early OS history was muddied in a flurry of posts that I wrote and then deleted when no one read them.

Initially, my reasonsRead full post »

MARCH 27, 2011 12:55PM

Smelting My Wife

Over the past five years, my wife has had both of her hip sockets completely replaced with ball-in-socket hardware composed of bullet proof, high-grade, space-age titanium.  She’s a bionic woman: sporting enough of the expensive, ultra-hard metal to build a re-entry nose cone for a rocket.Read full post »

MARCH 21, 2011 10:31AM

Six Memories For My Mother

(My mother currently suffers from advanced stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. Her world is becoming increasingly fuzzy around the edges. To help her remember, I have dug back into my own past and have written down my memories of distant, gentle times that only she and IRead full post »