It's an interesting question. Freud worried about it for a while. "What do women want?" We want to be treated as equals. Once we get that, the rest is a whole hell of a lot easier to figure out.

Well, you certainly are a brave and foolish man in this neighborhood, and as far the woman you mention, sorry, you can have here - I've seen Fatal Attraction and that godawful, embarrassingly bad Madonna movie about S&M, I prefer feathers to leathers

What do all men want?

There are no right answers. What is good for one doesn't suit another.

Lumping all women together to try and find the 'key' to happiness doesn't work. People should be addressing the wants of their partners as individuals.

It figures a man would assume that a WOMAN would want sex with strangers or anything else sexual...lol keep guessing.

Thesagejournal ... (and Natalie) ...

In the particular case I mention I didn't have to guess, and it was us addressing a need. I'm not extrapolating to any other relationship ... not even any of my own.

Thing is...you can't use the words "respect" and "sex" in the same sentence and expect success in the sack with most women. We want to be ravaged, not revered...in that moment.

If you want to be Mr. Nice Guy, do the dishes, make dinner occasionally, compliment her hair, her outfit, her essence.

When you want sex - peel away all the layers of civility and day time voices and expect or dare to demand, that she feel the same, here and now.

So not hesitate, do not test the waters. Go in for the prize and just do it. Sweep her off her feet, literally, let her know you mean man sex business and shock her by knowing that she is as frenzied as you are. Expect the sex beast in her. Be the beast if you want her inner beast to rip your clothes off.

Save conversation for later.

Just a thought.

What do women want?

They want men to stop treating them like they all want the same thing. Women are incredibly complicated, and fiercely individual. Yes, they can be typed, yes, they can be categorized, and yes, there are trends and near-universals. The question to ask women is not, "What do women want?"... it's "What do you want?"

Just Cathy: I think that may be what you want, and that's very cool, but you can't speak for all women, and such advice is wildly dangerous to put into the hands of men who may lack the finesse to make a distinction between ravaging a woman and using her as a ejaculate repository. Respect is paramount: respect her enough to find out what she wants, and then give her that.

My lover wants to take charge sometimes, and other times, she enjoys me completely running ramshackle over her body. She wants us to make love and for me to show that I really care how she feels. Yes, I do "bring it" in the sack, but what has made me successful is attuning to what each partner wants individually, rather than assuming that there is some kind of universal sexual skeleton key or a one-size-fits-all (ahem) approach.

Men: If a woman wants to be thrown around like a rag doll and blown away by a big powerful man... fantastic! Do it! Have your way with her. You just can't assume that's what she wants. Dialogue-- frank, positive discussion about sexual attitudes and habits-- really helps.

I like this discussion. Thanks.

I'm with Natalie B...

The problem with these things, these types of articles is that they try to lump 'everyone' into the same box and it just doesn't fit. At. All.

It removes the nuances that make us unique.

I read the bit in Salon.com about the article and thought that I was reading a paper on the sex habits of mice... So sterile and removed it was...

There are women that want it rough, that want it gentile, that can only be attracted to men with beards or only clean shaven... There are women that prefer no sex, at all...

When people try to apply generalizations to larger groups of people they fall flat on their faces.

Isn't an article like this going to feed another wave of the macho 'ladies men' like in the seventies?

A woman wants to be treated the way they want to be treated. Some of the more surprising fantasies come from the most surprising sources.

Talking about what each wants is the best way to start. It took a long time for my wife to tell me her 'secret' fantasy. When we finally got down to it, we were able to scratch that itch and I learned something about the woman I married. That was priceless...

Communication and less science and warped 'facts' from articles like this is what I'd prescribe. Get to know the person under (or on top of) you.

Don't just 'do it'... Pigs just 'do it'. Humans can do it with style... Women are complicated, and sex is messy... If you do it right...

"When you want sex - peel away all the layers of civility and day time voices and expect or dare to demand, that she feel the same, here and now.

So not hesitate, do not test the waters. Go in for the prize and just do it. Sweep her off her feet, literally, let her know you mean man sex business and shock her by knowing that she is as frenzied as you are. Expect the sex beast in her. Be the beast if you want her inner beast to rip your clothes off.

Save conversation for later."

WOW! Some hot grandma! There is hope for us all...

Inevitably, the conversation comes 'round again to what women *say* they want sexually ... and it apparently isn't always the same thing as what actually turns them on.

It may not even overlap much. It's a superb mystery, sometimes.

Hell, I want different things from one moment to the next. I suspect most people do.

Katina: Often, we suspect most people are like us ... I've been wrong often enough that I've learned to at least hesitate whenever I make the assumption. I have,for example, known people who mostly wanted the same things over and over again ...

"What women want" in bed is a layered thing. There are questions that matter - and that make a very big difference.

-What do they say they want, generally?
-What do they really want, generally, if they trust in and lust for the man they're with?

-What do they want, initially, when the loving begins?
-What do the find they want, if the preliminaries are expert and the heat is rising?

-What do they want with un-named, non-specific man?
-What do they want with you, you marvelous, instincive lover-man, you?

It all depends on the man and the moment.

By the way, Just Cathy is just marvelous. You've spent a lot of nights and mornings grinning, haven't you, Cathy? Nothing better for a man than to be with a woman who's certain about what *she* wants.

What women want is the same as what men want.... someone who really gets them.
The rest is just details.

Paris: I still wonder that they can get any measurement of arousal at all, with electrodes and whatnot attached to sensitive places. It might be a fetish to some, but a clinical environment doesn't do it for me. If it did, I reckon my vasectomy could have been even more embarrassing that it was.

As to your btw ... anecdotally, you are special, but not unique. :-)

I noted, in the article, that our scientist, Prof. Chivers "favors high boots and fashionable rectangular glasses ..."

... and immediately thought that might be all some men need, whatever else they were shown. ;-)

I'm coming back to this in the morning but I HAD to read ( and rate) this. What I want this very minute my be very different than what I want tomorrow morning. For the moment, WHO I want it with is highly focused on a certain individual. And he knows it.....

I think women want what men want, only with men. Although that's unfair since there are women who want it with women too. Good lord, I don't know what I'm talking about here although I always thought I did. We're all as different as there are stars in the sky, as are men, so this is one of those questions that can't be answered generically. To be treated kindly, always, and fairly, in all things, and then go from there??

Interesting that a fair portion of respondents to the question of-- what do women want-- are male.